And...we continue onwards,
Apr. 3rd, 2005 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatFrigging cold, nasty day today. Rain. Cool. Dreary. Perfect Tv vegging writing, meandering day.
"You never answered my question."
"What question was that," he asked, swirling the liguid in his glass which from a few feet away reminded her awfully of blood or deep red wine.
"Are you seeing anyone? Dating? Anyone special in your life?" She watched him tilt the glass back, take a long drink, wince slightly, and take another. The gesture took her back in time to the days he was a reluctant guest in her house, drinking pig's blood. The glass was the color of blue ink so she could not quite tell the color of the liguid.
"Does it look like I'm seeing anyone?" He waved his glass at the room and the space beyond it.
"No...looks like you've gone all hermit-crab like and shut out the world. What you drinking by the way? Cause if it's juice or wine - I'd love to try some."
"This?" He looked at the glass somewhat sheepishly and smirked. "You wouldn't like it, trust me." He took another sip, frowned, and put it down. " If you're parched I got some water in the fridge - nice cool straight from the spring."
Buffy brushed past him, picked up his glass and sniffed it. No smell. He tried to snatch it back, but she backed away deftly avoiding him. The liguid was dark, red, smokey, making her think alot of blood, certainly had the same thickness. She swirled it once and then took a sip. Nearly gagged on the bittersweet taste resembling prunes dipped in something tangy. "Ugh. What is this?"
He was laughing at her. " Told you that you wouldn't like, didn't I?" He shook his head. "Some things never change."
Buffy put the glass down in digust.
"It's prune juice mixed with cranberry. Keeps me regular." He rubbed his tummy in demonstration. "From your expression, looks like you could use a bit of it."
She made a face. "Ugh. I'll pass, thanks. Don't tell me - homemade courtesy of Annie?" He nodded.
"Still want that water?"
"Not turning it down. Anything to get that taste out of my mouth. How do you stand it?"
"After you've drunk pig's blood, it's not that big a deal. Bit sweet to my taste, but the cranberry helps. Last batch was better." He disappeared into the other room leaving her to ponder what had just happened. When did they become old? Or rather when had he? She didn't feel old. Oh she had the wrinkles and the lines and the threads of gray, but her body was in the best shape it had ever been. Probably helped that she wasn't getting the crap beat out of her on a constant basis like in the old days nor having all those difficult relationships. She lifted the glass and stared into the swirls of prune juice. In a million years, she'd never have imagined Spike drinking prune juice. Angel, maybe, but not Spike. But then this man wasn't Spike any more was he?
"Here you go -" he said taking the glass of prune juice from her and replacing it with water. "So what are you up to now? Still training slayers?"
She shook her head sipping the water, which felt cool and refreshing after the bittersweet tast of the prunes. "To a degree, but since most of the demons were sealed off from this dimension - we've been focusing on helping people adapt, fight the remaining pockets, and try not to become monsters themselves. That and self-defense training. Keeps me busy at any rate and it's as Faith would say, very zen."
"Have the house with the picket fence?"
She laughed, blowing water through her nose. "Hell no. We got a nice cottage up in Canada, Faith and me. Not unlike this place actually. Take turns visiting it. While we get along alright, can only handle so much of each other at a time. Sort of like this place. Large, rustic, comfy." She scanned the walls of living room and the area beyond the windows. "Live here long?"
"Nope. Just four years, give or take. Course you've only seen the living room, bedrooms are in back to the left of the dining area. Not much. But serviceable."
"How did you afford it, if don't mind me asking? Angel?"
"Liam had some money squirrled away but so did I. Can't help but squirrle away bits and pieces here and there. Didn't want to touch it when I turned. Considered it blood money, but Charley-boy convinced me otherwise. Told me that I could do more good with it here than letting it just rust in some Swiss bank account. So I gave him a bit, used a bit to build this place, and gave a bit to the Women's clinics in the surrounding towns. Charley has pretty much the same philosophy you do - let sleeping dogs lie."
"It's a good philosophy."
"Is it?" he asked looking back at the pictures.
"Do you ever miss it? Being a vampire -" He glared at her as if she were nuts, gesturing wildly and somewhat angrily at the pictures behind him. "No, no, not the carnage, or the blood, I mean the power, the super-human strength, the...immortality. Not having to drink this stuff for instance." Seeing his look of bewilderment mixed with annoyance. She sighed then stretched lazily like a cat, tossing her hair to one side, her bangs had swept into her eyes so she felt as if she were looking at him through a veil. "Several years back, Giles drugged me, took my powers away - it was some sort of coming of age test dreamed up by the Watcher Council. Don't ask. Long story. So not worth going into. But the crux of the deal was - I lost my powers for a while. Was all weak and kittenish. Couldn't throw worth crap. Couldn't lift anything. Couldn't fight. Couldn't do those nifty moves. Was a weak normal girl. What I remember from it all was how much I missed it and how it made me feel. Like I was less than everyone else. Here was my gift and it was gone."
He stared at her for a few moments, as if he were chewing on something inside.
Then at the half empty glass in his hand which he quickly set down on the fireplace mantle behind him. He tilted his head upwards stared at the track lighting, squinting his eyes then out at the darkness that lay beyond the windows. "Time was I could tell you how many deer there were outside. Didn't have to even look. Could smell them. Feel their blood pumping in their veines.
Taste it. If they ran? Could chase them, even catch one, barehanded, no gun necessary. Tear it's throat out with me fangs. Didn't need a weapon, had one built in, nice and proper. If I fell off a cliff or my bike, no bruises, no scratches that wouldn't heal within minutes. Could fall out a fifty story window and be fine as a daisy. Could also smoke, taste the nicotine, feel the buzz, no hacking, no coughing, no fear, didn't breath. Just pure rush. Same with alcohol - nice rush there. Get drunk as I wanted, no headache the next morning, no throwing up, head all sweaty over the toilet seat." He stretched his neck, tilting it to the sides, rolling his shoulders slightly, before leaning back against the mantle piece. "Do I miss that? Sure. But I don't miss what came with it. That's the difference between you and me, slayer. Your gift it isn't booby trapped is it? You don't have a demon hissing in your ear. You don't have to worry about frying in the sunlight."
"But it's also not permanent. I can die. Vampires....can live forever."
"Heh. Right. Forever. Certainly felt like it at times, especially after the soul. And now, like death is always going to stay just out of reach. Find the aging process oddly reassuring yet frightening at the same time. I fear dying, because of what I might find, and what I've done, yet at the same time I crave it like a lost lover's embrace that I got gypped out of. Been alive a long time slayer, but never really felt alive...cept for a few times here and there, usually in the midst of a crisis."
"But fighting isn't living, Will. Crisis? That's not living, is it? That's just surviving, getting through. Living is what happens after...now."
"Suppose. Never thought on it much. When you're a vampire with a soul? It's all about crisis. Fighting the next big battle. Keeping the demon at bay.
Then, when that's over..."
"You get to live the life that was interrupted when you became a demon. You get your second chance. You deserved one, you and Angel. We all deserve one."
"Do we? Sometimes I wonder."
[I do have a vague idea where I'm headed with this believe it or not, just
not completely sure if it will go there or somewhere else. Story seems to have a mind of its own. Make of it what you will.]
"You never answered my question."
"What question was that," he asked, swirling the liguid in his glass which from a few feet away reminded her awfully of blood or deep red wine.
"Are you seeing anyone? Dating? Anyone special in your life?" She watched him tilt the glass back, take a long drink, wince slightly, and take another. The gesture took her back in time to the days he was a reluctant guest in her house, drinking pig's blood. The glass was the color of blue ink so she could not quite tell the color of the liguid.
"Does it look like I'm seeing anyone?" He waved his glass at the room and the space beyond it.
"No...looks like you've gone all hermit-crab like and shut out the world. What you drinking by the way? Cause if it's juice or wine - I'd love to try some."
"This?" He looked at the glass somewhat sheepishly and smirked. "You wouldn't like it, trust me." He took another sip, frowned, and put it down. " If you're parched I got some water in the fridge - nice cool straight from the spring."
Buffy brushed past him, picked up his glass and sniffed it. No smell. He tried to snatch it back, but she backed away deftly avoiding him. The liguid was dark, red, smokey, making her think alot of blood, certainly had the same thickness. She swirled it once and then took a sip. Nearly gagged on the bittersweet taste resembling prunes dipped in something tangy. "Ugh. What is this?"
He was laughing at her. " Told you that you wouldn't like, didn't I?" He shook his head. "Some things never change."
Buffy put the glass down in digust.
"It's prune juice mixed with cranberry. Keeps me regular." He rubbed his tummy in demonstration. "From your expression, looks like you could use a bit of it."
She made a face. "Ugh. I'll pass, thanks. Don't tell me - homemade courtesy of Annie?" He nodded.
"Still want that water?"
"Not turning it down. Anything to get that taste out of my mouth. How do you stand it?"
"After you've drunk pig's blood, it's not that big a deal. Bit sweet to my taste, but the cranberry helps. Last batch was better." He disappeared into the other room leaving her to ponder what had just happened. When did they become old? Or rather when had he? She didn't feel old. Oh she had the wrinkles and the lines and the threads of gray, but her body was in the best shape it had ever been. Probably helped that she wasn't getting the crap beat out of her on a constant basis like in the old days nor having all those difficult relationships. She lifted the glass and stared into the swirls of prune juice. In a million years, she'd never have imagined Spike drinking prune juice. Angel, maybe, but not Spike. But then this man wasn't Spike any more was he?
"Here you go -" he said taking the glass of prune juice from her and replacing it with water. "So what are you up to now? Still training slayers?"
She shook her head sipping the water, which felt cool and refreshing after the bittersweet tast of the prunes. "To a degree, but since most of the demons were sealed off from this dimension - we've been focusing on helping people adapt, fight the remaining pockets, and try not to become monsters themselves. That and self-defense training. Keeps me busy at any rate and it's as Faith would say, very zen."
"Have the house with the picket fence?"
She laughed, blowing water through her nose. "Hell no. We got a nice cottage up in Canada, Faith and me. Not unlike this place actually. Take turns visiting it. While we get along alright, can only handle so much of each other at a time. Sort of like this place. Large, rustic, comfy." She scanned the walls of living room and the area beyond the windows. "Live here long?"
"Nope. Just four years, give or take. Course you've only seen the living room, bedrooms are in back to the left of the dining area. Not much. But serviceable."
"How did you afford it, if don't mind me asking? Angel?"
"Liam had some money squirrled away but so did I. Can't help but squirrle away bits and pieces here and there. Didn't want to touch it when I turned. Considered it blood money, but Charley-boy convinced me otherwise. Told me that I could do more good with it here than letting it just rust in some Swiss bank account. So I gave him a bit, used a bit to build this place, and gave a bit to the Women's clinics in the surrounding towns. Charley has pretty much the same philosophy you do - let sleeping dogs lie."
"It's a good philosophy."
"Is it?" he asked looking back at the pictures.
"Do you ever miss it? Being a vampire -" He glared at her as if she were nuts, gesturing wildly and somewhat angrily at the pictures behind him. "No, no, not the carnage, or the blood, I mean the power, the super-human strength, the...immortality. Not having to drink this stuff for instance." Seeing his look of bewilderment mixed with annoyance. She sighed then stretched lazily like a cat, tossing her hair to one side, her bangs had swept into her eyes so she felt as if she were looking at him through a veil. "Several years back, Giles drugged me, took my powers away - it was some sort of coming of age test dreamed up by the Watcher Council. Don't ask. Long story. So not worth going into. But the crux of the deal was - I lost my powers for a while. Was all weak and kittenish. Couldn't throw worth crap. Couldn't lift anything. Couldn't fight. Couldn't do those nifty moves. Was a weak normal girl. What I remember from it all was how much I missed it and how it made me feel. Like I was less than everyone else. Here was my gift and it was gone."
He stared at her for a few moments, as if he were chewing on something inside.
Then at the half empty glass in his hand which he quickly set down on the fireplace mantle behind him. He tilted his head upwards stared at the track lighting, squinting his eyes then out at the darkness that lay beyond the windows. "Time was I could tell you how many deer there were outside. Didn't have to even look. Could smell them. Feel their blood pumping in their veines.
Taste it. If they ran? Could chase them, even catch one, barehanded, no gun necessary. Tear it's throat out with me fangs. Didn't need a weapon, had one built in, nice and proper. If I fell off a cliff or my bike, no bruises, no scratches that wouldn't heal within minutes. Could fall out a fifty story window and be fine as a daisy. Could also smoke, taste the nicotine, feel the buzz, no hacking, no coughing, no fear, didn't breath. Just pure rush. Same with alcohol - nice rush there. Get drunk as I wanted, no headache the next morning, no throwing up, head all sweaty over the toilet seat." He stretched his neck, tilting it to the sides, rolling his shoulders slightly, before leaning back against the mantle piece. "Do I miss that? Sure. But I don't miss what came with it. That's the difference between you and me, slayer. Your gift it isn't booby trapped is it? You don't have a demon hissing in your ear. You don't have to worry about frying in the sunlight."
"But it's also not permanent. I can die. Vampires....can live forever."
"Heh. Right. Forever. Certainly felt like it at times, especially after the soul. And now, like death is always going to stay just out of reach. Find the aging process oddly reassuring yet frightening at the same time. I fear dying, because of what I might find, and what I've done, yet at the same time I crave it like a lost lover's embrace that I got gypped out of. Been alive a long time slayer, but never really felt alive...cept for a few times here and there, usually in the midst of a crisis."
"But fighting isn't living, Will. Crisis? That's not living, is it? That's just surviving, getting through. Living is what happens after...now."
"Suppose. Never thought on it much. When you're a vampire with a soul? It's all about crisis. Fighting the next big battle. Keeping the demon at bay.
Then, when that's over..."
"You get to live the life that was interrupted when you became a demon. You get your second chance. You deserved one, you and Angel. We all deserve one."
"Do we? Sometimes I wonder."
[I do have a vague idea where I'm headed with this believe it or not, just
not completely sure if it will go there or somewhere else. Story seems to have a mind of its own. Make of it what you will.]
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 12:45 pm (UTC)Ok, you just have the best handle on Spike's character. Just love that! I'll be right here when the next installment is ready!