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Jul. 25th, 2022 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatApparently Joni Mitchell came out of retirement at the age of 78 to sing at the Newport Folk Festival as Brandi Carlysle's guest. First performance since 2015.
That link was for Circle Game. This is for Both Sides Now - which works better in a way with someone who is much older singing it, it kind of changes the meaning, and it is far more moving.
And also.. Paul Simon.
**
I considered taking Friday and Monday off at the end of the week - but I can't. I'm kind of overwhelmed at work, also I have to take off a week in mid-September for the funeral, and retain at least eight days for Christmas, leaving two left to burn off. I don't know what I'm doing for Xmas this year - and I want to reserve that time in case.
Also, Wales is annoyingly unreliable. I could take Monday and Friday, and still do nothing but sit around my apartment. I'd rather not. And while I'd like to get away - I don't want to deal with all the hassle of traveling to and from, or the cost of hotel/motel/etc fare.
I'm feeling better this week. Less edgy. It may be because the heat wave is breaking and weather is less prickly. It may also be that I've gone through the five stages of grief again and somehow got past anger to acceptance. Anger is the worst. I don't do anger well. It tears across my gut, clogs the digestive system, bludgeons my head, and gets caught in my breath, until I'm wheezing. Also it heats up the body. Anger isn't good for the mind, body or soul.
Now, comfortably numb. And mother keeps calling to tell me all the folks who are or aren't coming to my father's funeral. (We have a large extended family - particularly on my father's side. He was the eldest of eleven, and with the exception of one brother, and his parents, they pretty much outlived him.) His closest in age, and relationship wise, brother R, who is two years younger than him, is struggling to come. R is about 85. R is the frustrated poet, who has written a 1980s science fiction spy novel, with semi-autobiographical content. (Don't ask.) I come from a family (mainly my father's side) of frustrated writers. Damn Irish blood. It is a bit problematic for R to come - his wife has Alzheimers, they are in Oregon, neither travel well, neither can drive any longer, R is blind in one eye and hard of hearing. And it would involve more than one plane flight. See this is the problem with having one's family spread across the continental United States. (It could be worse - we could be spread across the world. But the US is big enough all on its own, thank you very much.)
Me: Well, we had to plan the funeral in September - due to all the family members flying in from across the country.
BYT: None of them stayed where you grew up?
Me: Uh, no. I'm not from South Carolina. I grew up in Pennsylvania and Kansas, my parents chose to move from Kansas to Hilton Head about twenty years ago...we're nomadic. No one in my family stayed where they were raised or grew up...well, maybe Uncle D. But no one else. Nomadic family. We hop about.
BYT looks at me bewildered.
Most people don't get it. They've spent their entire lives where they were born - their parents, siblings, extended family, cousins, etc - all live in that state, and around them. The further-est they have to travel might be to the state next door - such as New Jersey (if you are born and bred New Yorker) or Connecticut, or Massachusetts. The concept of having relatives in Oregon, Texas, Michigan, Illinois, California, Washington, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Florida, South Carolina, New York...is kind of mind boggling to people who have only lived in one spot their entire lives. Basically we're having relatives come from all those states to South Carolina.
Don't judge. It's unseemly. [But people do - anything outside of their frame of reference is open to dispute - seems to be human nature.] And it's not like I chose to come from a family of nomads. Does one choose anything about their family?
My mother and I are laughing.
Mother: I visited the bank today and talked to them. Apparently this happens a lot. The lady told me that I had no idea how many people she's tried to talk out of wiring money to scam artists. They won't listen to her - they stubbornly do it. And it turns out you were right - once you wire the money to them, there's nothing the bank or you can do about it.
ME: Yup, I figured out how this con works. They scam or con you into wiring money to their dummy account, once it is there - they quickly move it to an untraceable one. It's gone. And since you sent it there - you are holding the bag.
Mother: The way they wired the money to me or made it look like they did, was they took out a loan on my credit card in the amount. They never sent any money in - they just sent me money from my card. With the idea that I'd send that money to them. But I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't lie to the bank. That's why I didn't do it - I couldn't get myself to lie to the bank. I told the banker this and they thanked me. A lot of people lie to the bank.
Me: They got an honest person.
Mother: No, they want an honest person who will pay them back -
Me: But also one who is willing to lie to a bank.
Mother: When I told them no - that I refused to lie to my bank - they threatened to have their lawyers sue me and told me I'd get in troubles with the IRS. I told them to go ahead and sue me, I didn't care. And that's when I realized it was a fraud.
Me: It's "play the victim" con. If you don't do what they want - they go into victim mode and threaten legal action. And they kind of start out that way. There's one con in which people call and inform someone that they are being held hostage somewhere and to send money -
Mother: Oh yeah, I've gotten those phone calls. A young man's voice calling me Grandma, and I'm thinking, funny, I don't even have a grandson.
There are a lot of grifters and con artists in the world - they tend to thrive in capitalistic countries.
Off to bed, I think. Never quite sure I'll go to sleep until I get there.
That link was for Circle Game. This is for Both Sides Now - which works better in a way with someone who is much older singing it, it kind of changes the meaning, and it is far more moving.
And also.. Paul Simon.
**
I considered taking Friday and Monday off at the end of the week - but I can't. I'm kind of overwhelmed at work, also I have to take off a week in mid-September for the funeral, and retain at least eight days for Christmas, leaving two left to burn off. I don't know what I'm doing for Xmas this year - and I want to reserve that time in case.
Also, Wales is annoyingly unreliable. I could take Monday and Friday, and still do nothing but sit around my apartment. I'd rather not. And while I'd like to get away - I don't want to deal with all the hassle of traveling to and from, or the cost of hotel/motel/etc fare.
I'm feeling better this week. Less edgy. It may be because the heat wave is breaking and weather is less prickly. It may also be that I've gone through the five stages of grief again and somehow got past anger to acceptance. Anger is the worst. I don't do anger well. It tears across my gut, clogs the digestive system, bludgeons my head, and gets caught in my breath, until I'm wheezing. Also it heats up the body. Anger isn't good for the mind, body or soul.
Now, comfortably numb. And mother keeps calling to tell me all the folks who are or aren't coming to my father's funeral. (We have a large extended family - particularly on my father's side. He was the eldest of eleven, and with the exception of one brother, and his parents, they pretty much outlived him.) His closest in age, and relationship wise, brother R, who is two years younger than him, is struggling to come. R is about 85. R is the frustrated poet, who has written a 1980s science fiction spy novel, with semi-autobiographical content. (Don't ask.) I come from a family (mainly my father's side) of frustrated writers. Damn Irish blood. It is a bit problematic for R to come - his wife has Alzheimers, they are in Oregon, neither travel well, neither can drive any longer, R is blind in one eye and hard of hearing. And it would involve more than one plane flight. See this is the problem with having one's family spread across the continental United States. (It could be worse - we could be spread across the world. But the US is big enough all on its own, thank you very much.)
Me: Well, we had to plan the funeral in September - due to all the family members flying in from across the country.
BYT: None of them stayed where you grew up?
Me: Uh, no. I'm not from South Carolina. I grew up in Pennsylvania and Kansas, my parents chose to move from Kansas to Hilton Head about twenty years ago...we're nomadic. No one in my family stayed where they were raised or grew up...well, maybe Uncle D. But no one else. Nomadic family. We hop about.
BYT looks at me bewildered.
Most people don't get it. They've spent their entire lives where they were born - their parents, siblings, extended family, cousins, etc - all live in that state, and around them. The further-est they have to travel might be to the state next door - such as New Jersey (if you are born and bred New Yorker) or Connecticut, or Massachusetts. The concept of having relatives in Oregon, Texas, Michigan, Illinois, California, Washington, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Florida, South Carolina, New York...is kind of mind boggling to people who have only lived in one spot their entire lives. Basically we're having relatives come from all those states to South Carolina.
Don't judge. It's unseemly. [But people do - anything outside of their frame of reference is open to dispute - seems to be human nature.] And it's not like I chose to come from a family of nomads. Does one choose anything about their family?
My mother and I are laughing.
Mother: I visited the bank today and talked to them. Apparently this happens a lot. The lady told me that I had no idea how many people she's tried to talk out of wiring money to scam artists. They won't listen to her - they stubbornly do it. And it turns out you were right - once you wire the money to them, there's nothing the bank or you can do about it.
ME: Yup, I figured out how this con works. They scam or con you into wiring money to their dummy account, once it is there - they quickly move it to an untraceable one. It's gone. And since you sent it there - you are holding the bag.
Mother: The way they wired the money to me or made it look like they did, was they took out a loan on my credit card in the amount. They never sent any money in - they just sent me money from my card. With the idea that I'd send that money to them. But I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't lie to the bank. That's why I didn't do it - I couldn't get myself to lie to the bank. I told the banker this and they thanked me. A lot of people lie to the bank.
Me: They got an honest person.
Mother: No, they want an honest person who will pay them back -
Me: But also one who is willing to lie to a bank.
Mother: When I told them no - that I refused to lie to my bank - they threatened to have their lawyers sue me and told me I'd get in troubles with the IRS. I told them to go ahead and sue me, I didn't care. And that's when I realized it was a fraud.
Me: It's "play the victim" con. If you don't do what they want - they go into victim mode and threaten legal action. And they kind of start out that way. There's one con in which people call and inform someone that they are being held hostage somewhere and to send money -
Mother: Oh yeah, I've gotten those phone calls. A young man's voice calling me Grandma, and I'm thinking, funny, I don't even have a grandson.
There are a lot of grifters and con artists in the world - they tend to thrive in capitalistic countries.
Off to bed, I think. Never quite sure I'll go to sleep until I get there.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 03:32 am (UTC)I totally get that.
My mom's family, her parents lived within 30 miles of the place they were born, all their lives.
There were 6 kids. Her older sister moved one province away, under duress, because her husband was a cattle auctioneer - and the stockyards in her hometown closed, and so they had to move from Regina to Winnipeg to where he could get a job.
Her youngest brother joined the army - travelled the world, and then ended up living in a few places across Canada, wherever he was stationed. Ultimately he ended up in Ontario when he retired out.
The other 3 siblings in between my mom and the youngest - well, when we would go to visit my grandparents, those 2 aunts and one uncle lived within a THREE BLOCK radius of the house they grew up in. Seriously.
My mom somehow got the nomad bug - she desperately wanted to be a flight attendant - and travel the world. That didn't happen, and against her parents wishes, she left home at 18 and moved to Calgary. Her parents' parting words? "You won't make it on your own - you'll be back!" (they were good people - but did NOT understand why she would want to leave and go into the scary big world)
Hah. Not only did she not go back, she ended up meeting my dad, who had moved from Ontario to Calgary, and they got married and moved even FURTHER from where they started, ending up in BC.
On my dad's side, there were 8 kids - none of them stayed in the town they grew up - they scattered across the country - 2 in BC, 2 in Alberta, and the rest scattered around Ontario. Even my grandmother - in her 60s - moved across the country to BC, and then again in her 70s to Alberta :D
A young man's voice calling me Grandma
I remember talking about this scam with my nana years and years ago. And she was like "pfft, if someone called me and said "nana I need you to send me money" - I would say to them "I don't know how to do that - and why do you think I have any money to send?" She was all "my grandkids wouldn't call ME if they were in trouble - I'm old and can't help them!"
I mean - she wasn't wrong and I appreciated her recognizing that anyone calling her to say "please figure out how to send me money over the phone" - was not someone who knows her :D
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 09:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 10:57 pm (UTC)Bank employees are taught to look out for signs of scams but as I understood it they could just refuse to follow through on a scam case and call police instead. So I'm surprised to hear that some people who are warned are sending their money off anyway. But apparently it's increasing fast: https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/20/federal-watchdog-to-tighten-bank-rules-around-money-transfer-scams-.html
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 11:40 pm (UTC)These scammers are unfortunately getting smarter and are just everywhere. It is good that your mom realized what was going on before it was too late.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-28 12:46 am (UTC)There's pluses and minuses to having family far away - one is, in regards to mine, distance makes the heart grow fonder. My brother and I really can't be around each other too often. Although if he were closer - we could visit for about an hour or two.