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shadowkatBoth The Artist Way and the audio book I Thought it was just me (it isn't)(aka the book about Shame) decided to talk about "perfectionism" at the same time. This is what I call..."Kind of drilling home the point, Universe".
The gist as I remember it, because I don't feel like hunting down the passages and reprinting them here - is we're not perfect. It's not going to be perfect. This need to be perfect - is (per the Artist's Way) "egotism". Per the Shame book, it's well the same thing, but more nicely put. Revising revising revising that first chapter and never getting any further, or erasing, erasing, erasing and never drawing the picture, or trying to constantly fix it...there comes a point in which you let it go and move on.
In the Artist's Way - she uses the example of George Lucas' Star Wars (the author is a screenwriter - so this is hardly surprising). She states people compare the first movies to Lucas' Star Wars and not to his home movies and first stuff. She also states that no filmmaker thinks it will be great or even good while in the process of creating it.
Also, there's a tendency to get self-conscious - both books state. To worry too much about what the audience or other people are thinking. To focus too much on their (currently unknown but imagined) reactions. This gets back to focusing too much on the destination or the picture in our heads or the completed work - and not the journey and the day by day.
All work is flawed. It's interesting but the Native Americans deliberately insert a flaw in their art. They consider it good luck, if you don't - you challenge nature, and are too proud, and will bring about bad luck.
And, I saw a video on Instagram - where Mark Hamil is stating in an interview in the late 1970s/early 1980s that the dialogue in Star Wars was challenging at times, and actually their biggest challenge. There was one line for example that he begged Lucas to change. It gave him nightmares. He still remembers it to this day. (I do not. So I looked it up.)
Geeze, I'm amazed he remembered that line. I wouldn't have - but it also gave him nightmares. Alec Guiness hated Star Wars for the same reasons, although he made a lot of money off of it - it was written into his contract that he would get a percentage of the proceeds in lieu of salary.
Fisher and Ford changed their lines, and improvised new ones. Ford made Lucas change half his lines, and Fisher did the same. That may explain why they have some of the better lines?
Anyhow - that's an example of how something extraordinary is deeply flawed at the same time. And not extraordinary to everyone. The only way to create is to muddle through, and leave the ego at home. Also admit that I have no control over anything but my reactions to things, and even that is ...questionable. But hey, good news, everyone else is in the same boat.
Actually this is how I reassure myself when I sit on the stool struggling with a big poop - everyone goes through this. All living things in fact. In various ways. I remember a passage in Trevor Noah's memoir - "Born a Crime" where he talks about the religious experience of having a good poop - and that it was nice to do it in the kitchen over newsprint than in the smelly outhouse with bugs. That pooping could be in fact a religious experience. He's not wrong. This passage has made me grateful for the toilets and bathrooms that I get to poop in, and aware of the universality of the experience. I feel less alone - when I poop. It is the great equalizer.
***
I posted more watercolors on FB, and my Aunt (who is a professional artist - she has a degree in Fine Arts) told me to keep doing these paintings - since I could make a really good book out of them. (I was planning on switching to drawing and painting people and dogs. However, the Universe apparently has other plans - since I ended up coming home and drawing two more pictures of people on the subway.)
I now have completed three sketches, waiting for paints to be applied. And just when I thought I was done with the subway people - more pop up. One is really hard - it's two young boys talking, and one is holding a skateboard. Another is four people sitting on the subway, cramped together. And a third is a mother and daughter chatting. I tried to draw a guy standing with his bike and daughter - but I'll have to work on drawing bikes. I couldn't get the perspective right. It needs practice. I also have to work on drawing dogs and other objects.
When you aren't looking at the object - and just visualizing it or doing it from memory - you are relying on muscle memory and your brain and intuition to recreate a semblance of what you saw. It's a different than say, drawing from a photograph, or from life. Actually all three are different. With a photo - the light is always slightly off - because photography flips the light. In live drawing - things tend to move and shift, and the light is constantly shifting. The reason people love to draw and paint still life's is they don't move. Or buildings - don't move. Or tree or flowers - don't tend to move. Other things do. It's also why it is easier to take photos of flowers, trees, non-movable objects as opposed to moving ones. Same principle applies.
Still life's tend to bore me. I don't like drawing it exact anyhow. I want to add something to it or do an expression or impression. If I wanted it to look exact - I'd take a photograph. I am picky about eyes. Also I prefer if the people look different. My difficulty with some cartoonists is all their people look the same - and I find it difficult to distinguish them. I'm not sure I'm a cartoonist with my art. Although my subway folks do look like illustrations from a book - my Aunt is right about that. She has a Masters Degree in Fine Arts.
***
I've chosen not to worry about my workplace this year. At all. I'm not going to stress over it. I've no control. None. So I'm going to focus my energy on other things - things I can control. My New Year's Resolution was not to worry about the uncontrollables.
BYT: I'm so frustrated.
Me: Eh, I've learned not to worry over things I can't control. We have no control over any of this.
BYT: I keep telling myself that.
Babs is convinced BYT is lying to me about sending emails to management and complaining about the work situation, etc.
Me: Why? I mean what does she accomplish by doing that?
Babs: Perception.
Me: Why would she care how I perceived her? I have no power. (Sigh) Liars have never made any sense to me. Its why I'm so guillible and often believe them - because they lie in situations that make no logical sense whatsoever.
Babs: Yeah well, I just popped over to see if you knew what happened to New Gal.
Me: She's not here?
Babs: Hasn't been since Monday. Wasn't here Monday or the past two days.
Me: Oh. Well, I don't know. I didn't know she wasn't here. I'm not comfortable asking BYT.
Babs: No, no, that would be a bad idea. Besides it's not our business. Private manner.
Babs is concerned but not necessarily nosy.
The A's are upset that they had to keep all of their work when they jumped departments. So they now have the work from previous department and from their new department. I told them that while I could sympathize, I had to admit that I was relieved not to be inundated with their work. I don't want it. It would be more of a nightmare for me to do it - than for them to continue working on it. Apparently Crazy Workplace and BYT along with their managers agreed with me. And decided, no, we're not going to do that.
I figure I'll let Crazy Workplace take care of itself. So far that's kept my blood pressure down this year. Also, I'll let the future take care of itself. This means ignoring fretful co-workers - who insist on making everyone around them paranoid.
Will state that the switch in train times and platforms is resulting in more cardio - that new train platform is insanely long, also the new stair case is longer and steeper.
So far? It's working, I'm not worrying about it. Any of it. Go me. I honestly think all of that meditating during the pandemic paid off. (The pandemic is technically still going on - the virus hasn't exactly gone away -new cubicle aisle mate was out sick with it for about five days. She's quiet. Barely speaks a word to anyone.)
Wales meanwhile keeps texting that she is furious at her workplace for being conservative anti-feminist assholes. All these horrible things happening to women world-wide and in our country and she's working with these people. I don't know what she is doing at work - but I hope it's not discussing abortion rights. Honestly, there are just certain things that are not safe for the work place. Politics of any stripe is among them.
Does remind me of the transphobic discussion I had with a coworker awhile back. The discussion haunts me, because I didn't say half the things I wanted to say. I thought about them after the fact - like two months after the fact.
Co-worker was ranting about how her teenage daughter shouldn't have to share a restroom with penises.
So this begs the question: Are there no men in this woman's household? What do they do when they go to restaurants, vacation resorts, etc? Or stay with family? Do they always ensure there's a girls and boys restroom? And is this just strange penises that she's worried about?
I was reminded of this, actually, by a twitter exchange not necessarily by Wales. In the exchange, a woman stated that she thought men washed their penises in the sink after wanking off in the bathroom. But checked with her husband, finally, who stated that he'd never seen this happen. And to his knowledge people didn't do this. So she came back online to apologize and let everyone know she was wrong and an idiot. (Gotta to give her credit for that at least.)
Okay, that never occurred to me. I was raised with a brother. I never noticed him doing it. Of course we were in the habit of locking the bathroom door whenever we used it.
I find it astonishing how many women are afraid of penises. Ladies? It hangs outside the body - it isn't that hard to snip it off, damage, or kick for that matter. If I were a guy - I'd be more protective of it than they are. Honestly. Some are just begging for you to snip snip snip.
Obviously, I am not afraid of penises. I do think they are highly overrated. Vibrators work just as well. And far less mess.
***
In other news, or going back to Star Wars. Mark Hamil posted a picture of himself, Harrison Ford, and Eric Idle partying in the 1970s or early 80, in London while filming The Empire Strike's Back (which came out in 1980 - so it would have to have been either 1978 or 1979.). Apparently the Rolling Stones also showed up at the party, but aren't in the picture which was taken by Carrie Fisher.
My response to Hamil was:
"So basically the Star Wars cast, the Rolling Stones and Monty Python partied in the late 1970s (I'm guessing 1979?) - gotta love the 70s."
It is kind of cool. To have your fav's cross paths. I mean Hamil crossed paths with George Harrison, who were fans of each other.
The gist as I remember it, because I don't feel like hunting down the passages and reprinting them here - is we're not perfect. It's not going to be perfect. This need to be perfect - is (per the Artist's Way) "egotism". Per the Shame book, it's well the same thing, but more nicely put. Revising revising revising that first chapter and never getting any further, or erasing, erasing, erasing and never drawing the picture, or trying to constantly fix it...there comes a point in which you let it go and move on.
In the Artist's Way - she uses the example of George Lucas' Star Wars (the author is a screenwriter - so this is hardly surprising). She states people compare the first movies to Lucas' Star Wars and not to his home movies and first stuff. She also states that no filmmaker thinks it will be great or even good while in the process of creating it.
Also, there's a tendency to get self-conscious - both books state. To worry too much about what the audience or other people are thinking. To focus too much on their (currently unknown but imagined) reactions. This gets back to focusing too much on the destination or the picture in our heads or the completed work - and not the journey and the day by day.
All work is flawed. It's interesting but the Native Americans deliberately insert a flaw in their art. They consider it good luck, if you don't - you challenge nature, and are too proud, and will bring about bad luck.
And, I saw a video on Instagram - where Mark Hamil is stating in an interview in the late 1970s/early 1980s that the dialogue in Star Wars was challenging at times, and actually their biggest challenge. There was one line for example that he begged Lucas to change. It gave him nightmares. He still remembers it to this day. (I do not. So I looked it up.)
HAN SOLO: Look kid, I’ve done my part of the bargain. When I get to an asteroid you, the old man, and the droids get dropped off.
LUKE SKYWALKER: But we can’t turn back, fear is their greatest defence. I doubt if the actual security there is any greater than it was on Aquilae or Sullust and what there is is most likely directed towards a large-scale assault.
HAMIL: "And I thought, ‘Who talks like this, George? This is really not fair, because you know we’re the ones who are gonna get vegetables thrown at us. Not you!”
Geeze, I'm amazed he remembered that line. I wouldn't have - but it also gave him nightmares. Alec Guiness hated Star Wars for the same reasons, although he made a lot of money off of it - it was written into his contract that he would get a percentage of the proceeds in lieu of salary.
Fisher and Ford changed their lines, and improvised new ones. Ford made Lucas change half his lines, and Fisher did the same. That may explain why they have some of the better lines?
Anyhow - that's an example of how something extraordinary is deeply flawed at the same time. And not extraordinary to everyone. The only way to create is to muddle through, and leave the ego at home. Also admit that I have no control over anything but my reactions to things, and even that is ...questionable. But hey, good news, everyone else is in the same boat.
Actually this is how I reassure myself when I sit on the stool struggling with a big poop - everyone goes through this. All living things in fact. In various ways. I remember a passage in Trevor Noah's memoir - "Born a Crime" where he talks about the religious experience of having a good poop - and that it was nice to do it in the kitchen over newsprint than in the smelly outhouse with bugs. That pooping could be in fact a religious experience. He's not wrong. This passage has made me grateful for the toilets and bathrooms that I get to poop in, and aware of the universality of the experience. I feel less alone - when I poop. It is the great equalizer.
***
I posted more watercolors on FB, and my Aunt (who is a professional artist - she has a degree in Fine Arts) told me to keep doing these paintings - since I could make a really good book out of them. (I was planning on switching to drawing and painting people and dogs. However, the Universe apparently has other plans - since I ended up coming home and drawing two more pictures of people on the subway.)
I now have completed three sketches, waiting for paints to be applied. And just when I thought I was done with the subway people - more pop up. One is really hard - it's two young boys talking, and one is holding a skateboard. Another is four people sitting on the subway, cramped together. And a third is a mother and daughter chatting. I tried to draw a guy standing with his bike and daughter - but I'll have to work on drawing bikes. I couldn't get the perspective right. It needs practice. I also have to work on drawing dogs and other objects.
When you aren't looking at the object - and just visualizing it or doing it from memory - you are relying on muscle memory and your brain and intuition to recreate a semblance of what you saw. It's a different than say, drawing from a photograph, or from life. Actually all three are different. With a photo - the light is always slightly off - because photography flips the light. In live drawing - things tend to move and shift, and the light is constantly shifting. The reason people love to draw and paint still life's is they don't move. Or buildings - don't move. Or tree or flowers - don't tend to move. Other things do. It's also why it is easier to take photos of flowers, trees, non-movable objects as opposed to moving ones. Same principle applies.
Still life's tend to bore me. I don't like drawing it exact anyhow. I want to add something to it or do an expression or impression. If I wanted it to look exact - I'd take a photograph. I am picky about eyes. Also I prefer if the people look different. My difficulty with some cartoonists is all their people look the same - and I find it difficult to distinguish them. I'm not sure I'm a cartoonist with my art. Although my subway folks do look like illustrations from a book - my Aunt is right about that. She has a Masters Degree in Fine Arts.
***
I've chosen not to worry about my workplace this year. At all. I'm not going to stress over it. I've no control. None. So I'm going to focus my energy on other things - things I can control. My New Year's Resolution was not to worry about the uncontrollables.
BYT: I'm so frustrated.
Me: Eh, I've learned not to worry over things I can't control. We have no control over any of this.
BYT: I keep telling myself that.
Babs is convinced BYT is lying to me about sending emails to management and complaining about the work situation, etc.
Me: Why? I mean what does she accomplish by doing that?
Babs: Perception.
Me: Why would she care how I perceived her? I have no power. (Sigh) Liars have never made any sense to me. Its why I'm so guillible and often believe them - because they lie in situations that make no logical sense whatsoever.
Babs: Yeah well, I just popped over to see if you knew what happened to New Gal.
Me: She's not here?
Babs: Hasn't been since Monday. Wasn't here Monday or the past two days.
Me: Oh. Well, I don't know. I didn't know she wasn't here. I'm not comfortable asking BYT.
Babs: No, no, that would be a bad idea. Besides it's not our business. Private manner.
Babs is concerned but not necessarily nosy.
The A's are upset that they had to keep all of their work when they jumped departments. So they now have the work from previous department and from their new department. I told them that while I could sympathize, I had to admit that I was relieved not to be inundated with their work. I don't want it. It would be more of a nightmare for me to do it - than for them to continue working on it. Apparently Crazy Workplace and BYT along with their managers agreed with me. And decided, no, we're not going to do that.
I figure I'll let Crazy Workplace take care of itself. So far that's kept my blood pressure down this year. Also, I'll let the future take care of itself. This means ignoring fretful co-workers - who insist on making everyone around them paranoid.
Will state that the switch in train times and platforms is resulting in more cardio - that new train platform is insanely long, also the new stair case is longer and steeper.
So far? It's working, I'm not worrying about it. Any of it. Go me. I honestly think all of that meditating during the pandemic paid off. (The pandemic is technically still going on - the virus hasn't exactly gone away -new cubicle aisle mate was out sick with it for about five days. She's quiet. Barely speaks a word to anyone.)
Wales meanwhile keeps texting that she is furious at her workplace for being conservative anti-feminist assholes. All these horrible things happening to women world-wide and in our country and she's working with these people. I don't know what she is doing at work - but I hope it's not discussing abortion rights. Honestly, there are just certain things that are not safe for the work place. Politics of any stripe is among them.
Does remind me of the transphobic discussion I had with a coworker awhile back. The discussion haunts me, because I didn't say half the things I wanted to say. I thought about them after the fact - like two months after the fact.
Co-worker was ranting about how her teenage daughter shouldn't have to share a restroom with penises.
So this begs the question: Are there no men in this woman's household? What do they do when they go to restaurants, vacation resorts, etc? Or stay with family? Do they always ensure there's a girls and boys restroom? And is this just strange penises that she's worried about?
I was reminded of this, actually, by a twitter exchange not necessarily by Wales. In the exchange, a woman stated that she thought men washed their penises in the sink after wanking off in the bathroom. But checked with her husband, finally, who stated that he'd never seen this happen. And to his knowledge people didn't do this. So she came back online to apologize and let everyone know she was wrong and an idiot. (Gotta to give her credit for that at least.)
Okay, that never occurred to me. I was raised with a brother. I never noticed him doing it. Of course we were in the habit of locking the bathroom door whenever we used it.
I find it astonishing how many women are afraid of penises. Ladies? It hangs outside the body - it isn't that hard to snip it off, damage, or kick for that matter. If I were a guy - I'd be more protective of it than they are. Honestly. Some are just begging for you to snip snip snip.
Obviously, I am not afraid of penises. I do think they are highly overrated. Vibrators work just as well. And far less mess.
***
In other news, or going back to Star Wars. Mark Hamil posted a picture of himself, Harrison Ford, and Eric Idle partying in the 1970s or early 80, in London while filming The Empire Strike's Back (which came out in 1980 - so it would have to have been either 1978 or 1979.). Apparently the Rolling Stones also showed up at the party, but aren't in the picture which was taken by Carrie Fisher.
My response to Hamil was:
"So basically the Star Wars cast, the Rolling Stones and Monty Python partied in the late 1970s (I'm guessing 1979?) - gotta love the 70s."
It is kind of cool. To have your fav's cross paths. I mean Hamil crossed paths with George Harrison, who were fans of each other.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-13 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:50 am (UTC)In regards to trans though? You aren't going to see the penis. They won't show it to you. And women's bathrooms have closed stalls. This is silly. You probably won't even know the person is necessarily trans.
I feel sorry for transmen, there's not necessarily doors on those stalls. (I know I've been in some of those bathrooms.)
no subject
Date: 2023-04-13 03:42 pm (UTC)It was awkwardly phrased sometimes, but that excerpt he gave didn't sound that remarkable.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:53 am (UTC)Let's face it - Lucas can't write dialogue to save his life. People began to realize that it was better to let him do the special effects, and write the story or book, which was his true love - and have someone else write the dialogue and direct the films. I have no idea who wrote American Graffiti and why it was better written.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-13 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:37 am (UTC)People are ignorant.
Also spoiled. I visited Turkey. Their toilets are holes in the ground. You squat. Then you hit the flusher or use the bucket. Some are porcelin holes in the ground - there's no toilet seat to speak of.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:15 am (UTC)-- Harrison Ford, yelling at George Lucas (on the set of the original "Star Wars")
It's always interesting to me that George Lucas is always applauded for the "purity" of his vision for Star Wars... but if it weren't for contributions from a variety of artists, we never would have had the Star Wars phenomenon at all.
There are, of course, all the stories of Hamill, Ford and Fisher rebelling against Lucas' stilted dialogue. But not many people acknowledge Lucas' then-wife, Marcia, for smoothing out some of the screenplay and strengthening the character relationships.
And when Lucas screened the raw footage for a select group of friends, the responses were... less than enthusiastic. What changed from first cut to finished product? John Williams' score was a key ingredient in capturing the swashbuckling spirit of the old movie serials of Lucas' childhood.
Same with Empire Strikes Back. Lucas provided the story, but legendary science fiction writer Leigh Brackett and screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan gave Lucas' pulp materials a much-needed subtlety and maturity. Lucas allegedly didn't care for director Irvin Kershner's deliberate pacing, but Kershner's expertly blocked battle scenes were a huge part of Empire's success.
On the other hand, if there's any one movie in the series that truly reflects Lucas' pure vision, it's...The Phantom Menace. Made without studio interference and armed with top of the line SFX, Lucas truly captured the feel of the old time movie serials--including the awful dialogue, unconvincing human interactions, and disturbing ethnic stereotypes.
"Um...do you have a point, Mr. CJLASKY?"
Well...if you peel back a lot of these "pure" artistic visions, you'll find there's a lot more editing and collaboration than you might think. And maybe that's what makes it special.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-14 01:43 am (UTC)Also I read the radio play, read Carrie Fisher's bios - where she kind of states what happened behind the scenes, and saw numerous documentaries.
Then on the pre-quels - he had to fight with Liam Neeson - who was less than happy with the script - even less happy than Alec Guinness (possibly because Guiness had a % of the proceeds, and didn't care, but still saying something). He didn't completely get his way on the pre-quels. But more so than on the first group.