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Aug. 6th, 2023 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatI drifted off to sleep while attempting to revise my novel again. I keep thinking I should give up on it, but can't quite.
* Blogger Day: This day was created to celebrate Blogger, one of the oldest blogging sites. Did you ever have a blog on Blogger? What about on any other blogging sites (aside from Dreamwidth/LiveJournal), e.g. WordPress? Have you ever hosted a blog on your own webspace?
Yes. I had a blog on blogger - it didn't last long. I don't like Blogger. Sorry. Also have one on Wordpress - https://outriderchronicles.wordpress.com, which is slightly easier to use. But Firefox is blocking it for some bizarre reason. I'm rarely on it anyhow.
* Friendship Day: Do friendships change over time? Is friendship important to you? What is your definition of a good friend? Do you think you're a good friend?
I like the answer that I stole from slaymesoftly.
"Friendships do change over time. Interests change, people move away, and so on. Although some people can remain friends for a very long time-just perhaps with less intensity than at one time. I think FB, for all its faults, has helped people remain friends as it's easy to stay in contact and be aware of what's going on in each other's lives. Friendship is important to me, but I'm pretty sure I suck at it most of the time."
I found it comforting - and pretty much how I feel about friendship at the moment. People come and go in life - whether they are friends, co-workers, family members, lovers, acquaintances, neighbors or all of the above.
I've decided we meet each other on this path we're all on in life or our journey (whatever you wish to call it) and they stick with us for a time, then a fork comes along in the road and they go that way, and we go this way. Sometimes their path crosses ours again, and for a bit we travel together, sometimes it's just briefly, and sometimes it's for a long time.
We don't have much control over it, and while we can choose to travel with them or not to a degree, most of the time, it lies outside of our control.
I am having issues with Wales again. So I needed to see that today, to remind me that people come and go. And life is what it is. Wales and I don't necessarily share similar tastes in movies, books and television shows. She wanted to see Barbie and had no interest in Oppenheimer - really nixed it (kind of meanly, actually - no worries, I'm seeing it with movie buddy). And she is hard to see movies with. Also she gets upset with me - if I don't want to do what she wants to do. She's a high maintenance friend - if I want to be friends with her - I kind of have to cater to her needs. And I'm getting tire of doing that? I kind of suck at this human relationship thing, sometimes? [ETA - Wales apologized, mainly because I let her know that I wasn't feeling well this weekend, I wasn't. Been struggling with health issues for a while now.]
Mother is still fretting over what my idiotic brother told her. He told her that she dominated conversations, sucked the energy out of the room and didn't ask any questions. (Which is a blatant exaggeration, not to mention a complete lie and he knows it. If she didn't ask any questions - she wouldn't know how he built his windows and be able to convey it to me and everyone else in detail. Also it's hypocritical and unself-aware. This is a guy who can't handle any criticism but dishes it out without thinking to his mother no less.)
It goes away, then a few weeks pass, and she brings it up again. My mother has always been criticized for talking too much. She's been bullied by family and friends over this. Often interrupted. And she's so sensitive to it, that she begins a lot of conversations with an apology: "I talk too much, it's a bad habit, I'm sorry." Does she talk a lot? I guess it depends on your point of view? I mean, I've learned in life that people converse differently. Also, as a creative writing instructor stated once - "all conversations are people jockeying for position or for control of the conversation." (This was with Gotham Writers Group - they had courses in creative writing, possibly still do, in Manhattan. While I was living in Manhattan and within walking distance to their center, I took creative writing courses at night. One of the things I learned was that dialogue can often be an action sequence.)
People do it differently. Some use insults - "you talk too much", "I want to limit the amount of words you use", "your verbose", "you use the wrong words", "you misprounced that word". Others say nothing, and remain silent. They wait you out. When you finish, they will talk about something else completely - as if you never said a word. Some will listen, then just end the conversation - "I have to go now". Or if not in the mood, "why are we discussing this?"
But keep in mind - all conversations are about two people fighting to be heard and seen by the other one. And in some cases one wants to be seen, and the other wants to hide. OR neither wants to be seen. Conversations require at least two willing participants. And they are hard, because you don't know what the other person is thinking, feeling, their baggage, etc at the time. They could have stomach cramps. Have a migraine coming on. Be thinking about something unrelated to you. Be scared. Be depressed. Feel anxious about work.
I think about all these things when I'm writing dialogue - what are the two characters thinking? Who are they at that point in time? And what is the point of this conversation - what are they trying to gain from it? My current novel is almost 85% dialogue.
And one of the many reasons, I prefer this type of conversation - posting, responding to posts, letter writing, and email exchanges - is I can write without being interrupted. I do not like text messaging. Mainly because it's too quick and you can't edit or delete. I like having the ability to edit and delete.
Anyhow, back to my brother and mother? I want to smack them upside the head. I told them both not to go there, that it wouldn't end well - and they ignored me. My brother was not his best self that weekend - he was under a lot of stress - his beloved cat was very sick and had to be put down during his daughter's graduation party, his daughter was graduating from college then planning on driving across country in a van he refurbished for a job at a National Park (three of her friends were spending the night in his house along with her godfather), and his mother decided to drag his sister up to visit and see the graduation (so he had to put us up in Great Barrington and drive us to and from that town, plus his mother had health issues). On top of all this - his friends bullied him into having a graduation party that they could attend, to give gifts and say goodbye to his daughter (when most of them hadn't seen her in a while anyhow. Some people just want a party.)
So mother didn't have the best timing on this one. My brother didn't do it in front of me - they tried to, and I shut it down or so I thought. Telling them both that it wouldn't end well. I kept telling Mother not to do certain things all weekend long - but she kept ignoring me. And Mother would not let it go - and asked again, when I wasn't around. If I had been, I'd have verbally shut it down again.
This was because of my brother's friend Debra. Who made a big point of wanting to meet our mother. (I don't know why she was there - she's not really friends with my niece, nor is her daughter - who is two years younger). I'd gone to the barn to get a drink and ran into her during Niece's Graduation Party From Hell. I introduce them, walk away, then come back to try and join another conversation she's in which is about books - and I'm cut out of it. Mother is pissed. And tells my brother that his friend dominates every conversation and sucks the energy out of the room and isn't interested in anyone but herself (in a fit of pique), and never asks any questions. And then, being Mother, and ultra self-aware, worries aloud if she's like that.
ME (laughing, more sarcastically than anything else - because I know them both and it won't end well): Don't ask him that. How is he supposed to respond to that? The woman is his friend. Let it go.
They don't. Damn them. She asks him again privately and he asks if she really wants an answer? And then instead of saying, no she doesn't do that, he blasts her to make himself feel better. Leaving me to clean up the mess.
Granted, Mother kept doing things that annoyed my brother. Although it's not hard to annoy my brother. He's a sensitive twerp. But I know where to side-step for the most part.
Mother is nosy. My brother is protective of his privacy. Mother saw a journal lying on the end table and decided to pick it up and look through it.
Me: What are you doing? Please put that down.
Mother ignores me.
Me: That's his personal private journal, stop looking at it.
Mother ignores me.
Brother - who is furious and overheard me trying to tell my mother to put down his journal, comes along, grabs it from her. And tells her off.
Me: How would you feel if someone randomly picked up your private journal and read it?
Mother: I wouldn't care.
Me: Hence the problem. He does. Please respect his privacy.
Sigh. When parents grow older they become your children, don't they?
***
I took a very long walk today. Two miles this morning - to and from the farmer's market to pick up fresh fruit (blackberries, raspberries, and peaches), Gluten Free Bagels, Muffin and Brownie, also some herbs (dill, rosemary, and mint). Then this afternoon walked around Ditmas, viewed various Victorian Mansions, flowers, and walked through the old parade grounds (now mainly soccer fields), to the park, where I stopped by the algae filled lake (it's bright green), and then went back home, stopping off by Carnival Fruit and Veggie Mart to pick up cucumbers, salad greens, freshly made salsa, a small pint of Breyer's butter pecan ice cream (which is weirdly lower in carbs than the others), and whipped cream.
The walk for the most part helped. Although towards the end of it, I was sopping wet with sweat, had a mild sinus headache, and felt a touch wobbly and gassy. Blood sugar was at 90 and then jumped to 114 with Gas X.
Mother looked up ceiliac disease - and discovered that breakouts, hot flashes, night sweats, migraines, stomach cramps, IBS, and joint pain are all associated with it. I told her that I did not have massive breakouts, and the rest outside of IBS, was often related to other things. She agreed with that assessment. Also, to my knowledge, I've not digested any gluten in years.
***
Finished five seasons of The Dragon Prince: The Mystery of Aravos.
It's good - better than most - but definitely targeted to the pre-teen set.
They are about nine episodes each.
Started Justified: City of Prime-evil - basically Justified in Detroit. Wonder if Detroit likes being called City of PrimeEvil? I've never really been, so wouldn't know. Not a fan of the Midwest. I'm a Northeasterner apparently.
It's not as good as the original series. It stars Timothy Oliphant (reprising his role as Raylin Gibbons) and his real life daughter as Raylan's daughter Willa. No one else from the original series makes an appearance. Also there's a decidedly more diverse cast than in the original, since it is in Detroit and not Harlan County, Kentucky. Oliphant has aged as has Gibbons, he's still thin, but gray headed with a bit of a goatee. And lines in the face. More rugged. And world-weary. The character appears to be tired of all of this.
It's adapted from Elmore Leanord's last novella about Gibbons, published shortly before he died. It's a good story...but again not as good as what came before.
Tried Cowboy Bepob but it's terribly dated, the animation isn't as good as the other two animated series that I just watched, nor is the story. And it well, doesn't hold up well - extremely sexist, and the female body types are offensively exaggerated. (Japanese Anime has that problem, by the way. For some reason the animators have an insane boob fetish. Kind of similar to 1980s-1990s superhero comic book artists. Were these little boys removed from Momma's breast too soon? God knows. They also are obsessed with hulking and often grotesque musculature on men. And big eyes. All the characters have big eyes.)
I've watched a lot of different types animation in my lifetime. I don't tend to like "cartoon" animation. (Probably because I can do it off the cuff, and my own style is too similar to it. And I'm highly critical of myself. I'm more of a Calvin & Hobbs and For Better or Worse fan than say a fan of the Peanuts or Garfield. I also like the art of say Far Side or Addams Family or Bloom County and Doonesbury. I actually was in a summer theater program with one of the artists of Doonesbury - Trudeau didn't draw Doonsebury, he had hired guns do that - he just wrote it. I found that out while performing in the Hobbit or one of the Summer Theater programs in Kansas City.)
I prefer the harder more detailed, and realistic animation. Computer animation gives me a headache for the most part, I hate CGI animation. Pixar is the only one that doesn't, nor does Dreamworks for the most part. The Star Wars computer generated stuff - I can't watch. I've tried. It's too fake - looks like a video game.
I love the soft cell - or hand painted animation. Also the hand painted plus computer generated - which is what Pixer does a lot of. I don't consider anything done completely with a computer - via coding - art. And it looks cheap to me. That said, it can be done well.
***
Back to revising my book for all the good it will do me. I honestly don't know if I'll ever publish the thing.
* Blogger Day: This day was created to celebrate Blogger, one of the oldest blogging sites. Did you ever have a blog on Blogger? What about on any other blogging sites (aside from Dreamwidth/LiveJournal), e.g. WordPress? Have you ever hosted a blog on your own webspace?
Yes. I had a blog on blogger - it didn't last long. I don't like Blogger. Sorry. Also have one on Wordpress - https://outriderchronicles.wordpress.com, which is slightly easier to use. But Firefox is blocking it for some bizarre reason. I'm rarely on it anyhow.
* Friendship Day: Do friendships change over time? Is friendship important to you? What is your definition of a good friend? Do you think you're a good friend?
I like the answer that I stole from slaymesoftly.
"Friendships do change over time. Interests change, people move away, and so on. Although some people can remain friends for a very long time-just perhaps with less intensity than at one time. I think FB, for all its faults, has helped people remain friends as it's easy to stay in contact and be aware of what's going on in each other's lives. Friendship is important to me, but I'm pretty sure I suck at it most of the time."
I found it comforting - and pretty much how I feel about friendship at the moment. People come and go in life - whether they are friends, co-workers, family members, lovers, acquaintances, neighbors or all of the above.
I've decided we meet each other on this path we're all on in life or our journey (whatever you wish to call it) and they stick with us for a time, then a fork comes along in the road and they go that way, and we go this way. Sometimes their path crosses ours again, and for a bit we travel together, sometimes it's just briefly, and sometimes it's for a long time.
We don't have much control over it, and while we can choose to travel with them or not to a degree, most of the time, it lies outside of our control.
I am having issues with Wales again. So I needed to see that today, to remind me that people come and go. And life is what it is. Wales and I don't necessarily share similar tastes in movies, books and television shows. She wanted to see Barbie and had no interest in Oppenheimer - really nixed it (kind of meanly, actually - no worries, I'm seeing it with movie buddy). And she is hard to see movies with. Also she gets upset with me - if I don't want to do what she wants to do. She's a high maintenance friend - if I want to be friends with her - I kind of have to cater to her needs. And I'm getting tire of doing that? I kind of suck at this human relationship thing, sometimes? [ETA - Wales apologized, mainly because I let her know that I wasn't feeling well this weekend, I wasn't. Been struggling with health issues for a while now.]
Mother is still fretting over what my idiotic brother told her. He told her that she dominated conversations, sucked the energy out of the room and didn't ask any questions. (Which is a blatant exaggeration, not to mention a complete lie and he knows it. If she didn't ask any questions - she wouldn't know how he built his windows and be able to convey it to me and everyone else in detail. Also it's hypocritical and unself-aware. This is a guy who can't handle any criticism but dishes it out without thinking to his mother no less.)
It goes away, then a few weeks pass, and she brings it up again. My mother has always been criticized for talking too much. She's been bullied by family and friends over this. Often interrupted. And she's so sensitive to it, that she begins a lot of conversations with an apology: "I talk too much, it's a bad habit, I'm sorry." Does she talk a lot? I guess it depends on your point of view? I mean, I've learned in life that people converse differently. Also, as a creative writing instructor stated once - "all conversations are people jockeying for position or for control of the conversation." (This was with Gotham Writers Group - they had courses in creative writing, possibly still do, in Manhattan. While I was living in Manhattan and within walking distance to their center, I took creative writing courses at night. One of the things I learned was that dialogue can often be an action sequence.)
People do it differently. Some use insults - "you talk too much", "I want to limit the amount of words you use", "your verbose", "you use the wrong words", "you misprounced that word". Others say nothing, and remain silent. They wait you out. When you finish, they will talk about something else completely - as if you never said a word. Some will listen, then just end the conversation - "I have to go now". Or if not in the mood, "why are we discussing this?"
But keep in mind - all conversations are about two people fighting to be heard and seen by the other one. And in some cases one wants to be seen, and the other wants to hide. OR neither wants to be seen. Conversations require at least two willing participants. And they are hard, because you don't know what the other person is thinking, feeling, their baggage, etc at the time. They could have stomach cramps. Have a migraine coming on. Be thinking about something unrelated to you. Be scared. Be depressed. Feel anxious about work.
I think about all these things when I'm writing dialogue - what are the two characters thinking? Who are they at that point in time? And what is the point of this conversation - what are they trying to gain from it? My current novel is almost 85% dialogue.
And one of the many reasons, I prefer this type of conversation - posting, responding to posts, letter writing, and email exchanges - is I can write without being interrupted. I do not like text messaging. Mainly because it's too quick and you can't edit or delete. I like having the ability to edit and delete.
Anyhow, back to my brother and mother? I want to smack them upside the head. I told them both not to go there, that it wouldn't end well - and they ignored me. My brother was not his best self that weekend - he was under a lot of stress - his beloved cat was very sick and had to be put down during his daughter's graduation party, his daughter was graduating from college then planning on driving across country in a van he refurbished for a job at a National Park (three of her friends were spending the night in his house along with her godfather), and his mother decided to drag his sister up to visit and see the graduation (so he had to put us up in Great Barrington and drive us to and from that town, plus his mother had health issues). On top of all this - his friends bullied him into having a graduation party that they could attend, to give gifts and say goodbye to his daughter (when most of them hadn't seen her in a while anyhow. Some people just want a party.)
So mother didn't have the best timing on this one. My brother didn't do it in front of me - they tried to, and I shut it down or so I thought. Telling them both that it wouldn't end well. I kept telling Mother not to do certain things all weekend long - but she kept ignoring me. And Mother would not let it go - and asked again, when I wasn't around. If I had been, I'd have verbally shut it down again.
This was because of my brother's friend Debra. Who made a big point of wanting to meet our mother. (I don't know why she was there - she's not really friends with my niece, nor is her daughter - who is two years younger). I'd gone to the barn to get a drink and ran into her during Niece's Graduation Party From Hell. I introduce them, walk away, then come back to try and join another conversation she's in which is about books - and I'm cut out of it. Mother is pissed. And tells my brother that his friend dominates every conversation and sucks the energy out of the room and isn't interested in anyone but herself (in a fit of pique), and never asks any questions. And then, being Mother, and ultra self-aware, worries aloud if she's like that.
ME (laughing, more sarcastically than anything else - because I know them both and it won't end well): Don't ask him that. How is he supposed to respond to that? The woman is his friend. Let it go.
They don't. Damn them. She asks him again privately and he asks if she really wants an answer? And then instead of saying, no she doesn't do that, he blasts her to make himself feel better. Leaving me to clean up the mess.
Granted, Mother kept doing things that annoyed my brother. Although it's not hard to annoy my brother. He's a sensitive twerp. But I know where to side-step for the most part.
Mother is nosy. My brother is protective of his privacy. Mother saw a journal lying on the end table and decided to pick it up and look through it.
Me: What are you doing? Please put that down.
Mother ignores me.
Me: That's his personal private journal, stop looking at it.
Mother ignores me.
Brother - who is furious and overheard me trying to tell my mother to put down his journal, comes along, grabs it from her. And tells her off.
Me: How would you feel if someone randomly picked up your private journal and read it?
Mother: I wouldn't care.
Me: Hence the problem. He does. Please respect his privacy.
Sigh. When parents grow older they become your children, don't they?
***
I took a very long walk today. Two miles this morning - to and from the farmer's market to pick up fresh fruit (blackberries, raspberries, and peaches), Gluten Free Bagels, Muffin and Brownie, also some herbs (dill, rosemary, and mint). Then this afternoon walked around Ditmas, viewed various Victorian Mansions, flowers, and walked through the old parade grounds (now mainly soccer fields), to the park, where I stopped by the algae filled lake (it's bright green), and then went back home, stopping off by Carnival Fruit and Veggie Mart to pick up cucumbers, salad greens, freshly made salsa, a small pint of Breyer's butter pecan ice cream (which is weirdly lower in carbs than the others), and whipped cream.
The walk for the most part helped. Although towards the end of it, I was sopping wet with sweat, had a mild sinus headache, and felt a touch wobbly and gassy. Blood sugar was at 90 and then jumped to 114 with Gas X.
Mother looked up ceiliac disease - and discovered that breakouts, hot flashes, night sweats, migraines, stomach cramps, IBS, and joint pain are all associated with it. I told her that I did not have massive breakouts, and the rest outside of IBS, was often related to other things. She agreed with that assessment. Also, to my knowledge, I've not digested any gluten in years.
***
Finished five seasons of The Dragon Prince: The Mystery of Aravos.
It's good - better than most - but definitely targeted to the pre-teen set.
They are about nine episodes each.
Started Justified: City of Prime-evil - basically Justified in Detroit. Wonder if Detroit likes being called City of PrimeEvil? I've never really been, so wouldn't know. Not a fan of the Midwest. I'm a Northeasterner apparently.
It's not as good as the original series. It stars Timothy Oliphant (reprising his role as Raylin Gibbons) and his real life daughter as Raylan's daughter Willa. No one else from the original series makes an appearance. Also there's a decidedly more diverse cast than in the original, since it is in Detroit and not Harlan County, Kentucky. Oliphant has aged as has Gibbons, he's still thin, but gray headed with a bit of a goatee. And lines in the face. More rugged. And world-weary. The character appears to be tired of all of this.
It's adapted from Elmore Leanord's last novella about Gibbons, published shortly before he died. It's a good story...but again not as good as what came before.
Tried Cowboy Bepob but it's terribly dated, the animation isn't as good as the other two animated series that I just watched, nor is the story. And it well, doesn't hold up well - extremely sexist, and the female body types are offensively exaggerated. (Japanese Anime has that problem, by the way. For some reason the animators have an insane boob fetish. Kind of similar to 1980s-1990s superhero comic book artists. Were these little boys removed from Momma's breast too soon? God knows. They also are obsessed with hulking and often grotesque musculature on men. And big eyes. All the characters have big eyes.)
I've watched a lot of different types animation in my lifetime. I don't tend to like "cartoon" animation. (Probably because I can do it off the cuff, and my own style is too similar to it. And I'm highly critical of myself. I'm more of a Calvin & Hobbs and For Better or Worse fan than say a fan of the Peanuts or Garfield. I also like the art of say Far Side or Addams Family or Bloom County and Doonesbury. I actually was in a summer theater program with one of the artists of Doonesbury - Trudeau didn't draw Doonsebury, he had hired guns do that - he just wrote it. I found that out while performing in the Hobbit or one of the Summer Theater programs in Kansas City.)
I prefer the harder more detailed, and realistic animation. Computer animation gives me a headache for the most part, I hate CGI animation. Pixar is the only one that doesn't, nor does Dreamworks for the most part. The Star Wars computer generated stuff - I can't watch. I've tried. It's too fake - looks like a video game.
I love the soft cell - or hand painted animation. Also the hand painted plus computer generated - which is what Pixer does a lot of. I don't consider anything done completely with a computer - via coding - art. And it looks cheap to me. That said, it can be done well.
***
Back to revising my book for all the good it will do me. I honestly don't know if I'll ever publish the thing.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-07 11:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-07 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-07 06:52 pm (UTC)Good luck with the book revisions!