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[shadowkat]

So tired.

Mother wants to take a trip with me somewhere this year. She's thinking maybe a cruise of the Great Lakes or a train ride through Canada. I just have to find something.

And I didn't sleep well last night - so kind of groggy and brain foggy today. You know that feeling you get when you've climbed about a million steps and kind of just want to collapse in a heap and there's a million more to go - that's how I feel today?

The Artist's Way talks about cutting out addictions which stymie creativity. Hmm. I'm addicted to social media (in which I include this forum)and chocolate. I tend to jump towards both when I'm bored and restless and depressed.

Started in the 90s and early 00s in regards to the internet and social media. First interaction? Yahoo Newsgroups, I think. I was on two listserves back in the 1990s, both copyright related, one for publishers and one for librarians, suffice it to say they had contradictory ideas when it came to copyright? One group would be fighting for ways to protect it at all costs, the other group was hunting for ways to get rid of copyright and provide free access at all costs. I remember being amused by it. The internet hasn't really changed that much in the interim - if anything people are more polarized on topics than they were then.

I realized today that it's been over thirty years since I've studied or written poetry? I think? It was somewhere around 1992? I think? Maybe 1990? I'm not good at counting. I gave up on poetry because I couldn't write much outside of free verse - because I suck at the meter and counting thing. Although I did very well in the poetry course that I took - mainly because most of it was subjective, and I could rhyme, and pull out deft metaphors. I'd say my poetry fit more within ee cummings and Slyvia Plath's style, than say Yeats or Shelly or Shakespeare. I studied all of it of course. I was an English Lit major in undergrad with a thematic minor in cultural anthropology. It just was all in the 1980s.

Long ago and far away. I feel like it was a different person who did all of this. Not me. Somebody else. Who was braver and dumber than I am. There's no way in hell I'd get on a stage in front of over 1000 people to read poetry - now. But I did in 1989. I don't remember why. I just remember doing it. And thinking it was cool. Now, I'm somewhat proud that I did it? But also bemused by it, and kind of relieved that I've lost contact with everyone who was there?

And I get snippets of memory here and there, sometimes so vivid that I can taste it. You ever have that type of memory - in which it's akin to stepping back in time, and voila you are there. You can smell, touch, see, and vividly hear everything for about ten seconds? And not always the ten seconds that you want? I mean I'd prefer a happy ten seconds, not ten seconds of painful critique, but my mind likes to torture me at times.

I don't know...what was seemingly important to me in my twenties, isn't now. And vice versa. It's almost as if I'm two different people? I can't eat glutens. I'm diabetic. I can no longer run ten miles, let alone one. And I'm fine with just reading poetry from time to time, but feel no overwhelming urge to write it - let alone perform it. I do however still want to publish my stories...whether I make money on them or not, I'm kind of ambivalent about.

***

By Billy Collins (who I think my sister-in-law's father knows personally?)

Introduction to Poetry
By Billy Collins

"I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem’s room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author’s name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means."

Billy Collins, “Introduction to Poetry” from The Apple that Astonished Paris. Copyright � 1988, 1996 by Billy Collins.

The difficulty with poetry is we want to analyze the hell out of it and beat it into shape, when sometimes it's best to just sit with it awhile, and let it sink in. To savor. Also if you can't think metaphorically? I'm not sure poetry works for you? I do think metaphorically - so it makes sense to me...for the most part.

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I'm addicted to social media (in which I include this forum)and chocolate. I tend to jump towards both when I'm bored and restless and depressed.<<

If it's dark chocolate, that's not a bad idea. Milk chocolate works but has less of the active ingredients. If you don't like dark, try looking for "dark milk" chocolate, which is in between.

That's It, my favorite fruit bar company, has these little candies we call flavor bombs. They are literally just a ball of dried fig covered in dark chocolate. So you get all the fruit benefits and fiber from the fig and all the entheogens from the chocolate. They just beg to be put on a cheese board with something creamy like gouda and something sharp like aged white cheddar. I'm not usually a dark chocolate fan but there are certain applications where it really works, and this is one.

When I'm feeling low, I tend to reach for fresh fruits because I want something juicy and uplifting. I'll peel an orange and spend as much time just smelling it as I do picking off the peel. Sometimes I go for yogurt then, which has the benefit of probiotics.

Lots of foods have mood-boosting effects. Pretty much any whole, fresh food is good for that. Processed foods usually aren't, but there are a few exceptions, like how fermentation adds probiotics and makes nutrients more available. I like reading healthy cookbooks to find recipes to try. Or desserts, we read those too. Our current one is on beans and grains.

Social media, as a broad category, tends to have negative effects on mental health. Some platforms are just notoriously bad. Others with robust privacy and moderation tools may not be as bad. It also matters what people talk about and how. If you're friends with folks who talk about how they overcome mental health challenges, that's a lot more constructive than doomscrolling pictures (probably photoshopped) of how skinny people are. Also, a post or picture about knitting or gardening that makes one person feel depressed because they could never do that may make another feel inspired to try it or spark a lively conversation about the hobby. (The latter happens to me a lot.)

So not all platforms are the same, and not all people respond the same way. You might try mapping your mood before and after use, to see how it affects you personally -- and if you use different sites, maybe track them separately so you don't throw out the baby with the bathwater if only some of them are downers.

Trends are trends, but only you know how something actually makes you feel, whether it's a food or social media.

>>The internet hasn't really changed that much in the interim - if anything people are more polarized on topics than they were then.<<

One thing I have noticed, and it's a return of a historic trend: not signing things. Older people tend to put their name on their work habitually. Younger people often can't be arsed to and don't see why anyone would bother or care. It's not universal, but the trend is shifting. As an activist it amuses me. As an archivist it's a bloody pain in the ass but there's no budging people on this issue. If they don't care who made a thing or what happens to it after it's released into the wild, you can't make them care.

>> I realized today that it's been over thirty years since I've studied or written poetry? I think? It was somewhere around 1992? I think? Maybe 1990? <<

Wow.

>> I'm not good at counting. I gave up on poetry because I couldn't write much outside of free verse - because I suck at the meter and counting thing. Although I did very well in the poetry course that I took - mainly because most of it was subjective, and I could rhyme, and pull out deft metaphors.<<

Free verse is the most flexible form, so if you can do that, you'll well founded. There are plenty of forms that don't use meter and counting. Norse poetry relies primarily on alliteration and consonance. Acrostic poetry spells a message down the side. And so on. You could browse a website with different forms to see what plays to your strength, if you want more options than free verse.

Or you could just count on your fingers, which is what I do. Nobody will notice when you're at your desk writing.

>> I'd say my poetry fit more within ee cummings and Slyvia Plath's style, than say Yeats or Shelly or Shakespeare.<<

I quite like ee cummings. My poetry was once described as "Heinlein by way of Kipling." :D And if you're good at the cummings approach, go for it. Not everything needs to be rhymed or metered. You can do it all on mood and imagery.

>> I studied all of it of course. I was an English Lit major in undergrad with a thematic minor in cultural anthropology. It just was all in the 1980s.<<

That's a cool approach.

>> Long ago and far away. I feel like it was a different person who did all of this. Not me. Somebody else. Who was braver and dumber than I am. There's no way in hell I'd get on a stage in front of over 1000 people to read poetry - now. <<

I wouldn't either. People still had privacy back then. Now they don't. There are cameras and spyware everywhere. Things that used to be fun and usually safe just aren't anymore. That's sad.

>>And I get snippets of memory here and there, sometimes so vivid that I can taste it. You ever have that type of memory - in which it's akin to stepping back in time, and voila you are there. You can smell, touch, see, and vividly hear everything for about ten seconds? And not always the ten seconds that you want? I mean I'd prefer a happy ten seconds, not ten seconds of painful critique, but my mind likes to torture me at times.<<

Yeah, it comes with the farmemory. I can usually cope. We're mostly made of memories, once you set aside the mortal flesh.

Today I got a happy one, though. I was birthday shopping and found a cactus like Mom had when I was little -- I could remember being in the nursery and finding the other one. So I bought this one, and I'm delighted to have it.

>>And I'm fine with just reading poetry from time to time, but feel no overwhelming urge to write it - let alone perform it. I do however still want to publish my stories...whether I make money on them or not, I'm kind of ambivalent about.<<

Totally fine. Do what you want with it.

>>But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means."<<

OMG that is so true!

... I really don't recommend that approach with mine. Some of them would slither lose and wrap the hose around someone's throat.

I like "How to Eat a Poem."

>> The difficulty with poetry is we want to analyze the hell out of it and beat it into shape, when sometimes it's best to just sit with it awhile, and let it sink in. To savor. <<

Some poetry invites analysis, because the author has hidden eastereggs in it that will rarely be found at first glance. I've done that. But other poems are about moods, insinuations, feelings glimpsed from the corner of the mind's eye. Those don't lend themselves well to analysis.

>> Also if you can't think metaphorically? I'm not sure poetry works for you? I do think metaphorically - so it makes sense to me...for the most part.<<

It depends on the poem. Some are highly figurative, and others quite literal. Some aren't even about a story, or an image, but are pure wordplay.

I like a wide variety of poetry types. YMMV, and that's okay.