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shadowkatWork is aggravating me. I'd regale you with all the reasons why, but then I'd have to kill you - and we can't have that, can we?
I can tell you that I've found someone who might help me get my picture taken in Manhattan as opposed to going all the way to Hollis, Queens (which is about an hour and a half away from my work site, a pain in the neck to get to (I have to take three trains, and one of them runs on intermittent schedules - which means, if I don't plot it right - I could be standing around for thirty minutes at Jamaica), and an hour and a half away from my home.) Actually it may be closer to the work site - so about just an hour depending on time waiting for trains. Plus a gadzillion stairs. Welcome to NYC folks - the stair-master capital of the universe.
I did the switch from the R to the F at 4th/9th Streets again - and dang, that's a lot of steps. I counted. It's about four flights to the ground level, and then four more to the top. So eight flights. Steep. I was spent.
This is after going down ten flights, then another flight to get to the R.
The R is deep underground, doesn't have an elevator, and has one escalator at Whitehall going up. The one at 4th/9th doesn't have any escalators or elevators. No wonder the MTA is getting sued by the ADA advocacy groups.
****
Things I want to talk to you about, that I read...or noticed, and I've been pondering.
1. Whatever You Do, Don't Do the Silent Treatment
"With some knowledge about how imposed silence actually affects people, you might want to think twice before you freeze out that annoying family member. And you will be better equipped to deal with the silent treatment the next time someone imposes it on you.
You have probably inflicted the silent treatment on others—two-thirds of us have done so, according to the psychologist Kipling Williams in an interview with Daryl Austin in The Atlantic. Williams is arguably the best-known expert on the phenomenon. We use it, studies conducted by Williams and his co-researchers suggest, for two main reasons. The most common one is to punish someone for perceived misbehavior, something they said or did. Behind this, the next most common is conflict avoidance; you might go silent to avoid a major blowup, for example. Other motives can also apply, such as feeling that a relationship has reached a dead end, leaving nothing more to say or do.
Arguably, people who impose silence do so because they believe it works—whether as a punishment, a way to avoid conflict, or a coping mechanism in one of those dead-end situations. Williams and colleagues have reported that about one-quarter of inflictors regard it as an effective tactic. But at what cost? Those on the receiving end describe feelings of pain, and resentment from being ostracized by a loved one. And by pain, I mean literal pain—researchers have been able to identify the part of the brain affected by exclusion: the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which is also characteristically implicated in the sensation of emotional pain.
The effects on an ostracized person are what you might expect from that finding. Williams has shown in his research that being ignored initially provokes reflexive anger and sadness, followed by reflection on the motives and meaning of the treatment, and, when persistent over time, resignation. Not the resignation of being reconciled with a situation but a miserable state of alienation, hopelessness, and depression.
Like all kinds of abuse, silent rejection can impair a victim’s overall competence. In one experiment that asked participants to imagine that they would end up alone in life, this form of silent rejection lowered their ability to think clearly and complete complex tasks. What this suggests is that the silent treatment may be effective in satisfying the inflictor’s aggression, but it is an intensely cruel and disproportionate way to deal with conflict. Not very surprisingly, then, we find that people high in Machiavellianism—a willingness to hurt and manipulate others for their own gain, even a trivial one—may employ this technique with partners and friends.
Given how destructive the silent treatment is, like physical abuse, it can wreck relationships. In one 2009 paper, frequent use of the silent treatment was negatively correlated with commitment to one’s relationship. And according to the Gottman Institute, which conducts research on the success and failure of marriages, the act of cutting off your partner by stonewalling can be a contributory factor to divorce.
Interestingly, the treatment causes relationships to dissolve most consistently when the recipient has high self-esteem rather than low self-esteem. When such a person is ostracized, they have the personal resources to see their partner’s conduct for the gross maltreatment that it is and head for the exit. The unfortunate corollary is that people low in self-esteem, like vulnerable partners in an abusive relationship, are less likely to leave. Lacking the capacity to reject their abuser, they stay to endure the sad silence with the partner who hurts them."
I was pondering if I do that with Wales? Not really. I'm not sure if you can state deleting text messages and not answering them is the silent treatment? So much as protecting one's continued mental health? I answer the phone when she calls me. I've had it done to me - my brother likes to inflict it when he gets angry. And BYT was notorious for doing it. I don't like it - to be honest, mainly because I want things resolved and out in the open.
Also, there are situations in which it is called for? Such as social media.
IDK. What do you think?
2. Buddhism: If you have issues with someone correcting you, then you have an ego problem.
Except everyone hates being criticized? Right?
I wanted to respond to the Buddhism post on FB as follows: You are incredibly judgemental for a Buddhist. [I refrained.]
3. Comfort animals. Is it fair to use an animal to give oneself comfort? And have them for the sole purpose of comfort? Carrying the animal into stressful situations, such as plane rides, cars, trains, doctor's appointments, trips - just to soothe anxieties? Is this fair to the animal who is soaking in the human's anxieties and may be stressed or scared itself?
A Minister reported that his cat had a heart-attack and died in transit to their new home, because the poor animal was terrified of the moving car, and being old couldn't handle it.
I get seeing-eyed dogs - who are specifically trained to help their owners.
And it is their job. By the way, do not touch, pet, or go up to a seeing eyed dog or dog being used by someone who is disabled. You'll distract the animal.
Dogs are also used to detect blood sugar increases or decreases. Which is interesting.
But, I'm wondering about the ethics of using comfort animals - to relieve anxiety? I ask this question after watching a very anxious man on the subway with a terrified dog (which I am trying to draw and paint, I got a rough sketch that may work), and is haunting me. He was nervous, red in the face, and very upset, and so was the dog. I had my music on, so I didn't hear what he said, and I wasn't able to remove them quickly to do so, because I was reading and listening. I regret not removing them. I think I must have upset him further? I don't know. But the dog looked terrified and anxious. I looked in the dogs eyes, and my heart went out to it. I felt it was soaking up the man's fear somehow?
I can tell you that I've found someone who might help me get my picture taken in Manhattan as opposed to going all the way to Hollis, Queens (which is about an hour and a half away from my work site, a pain in the neck to get to (I have to take three trains, and one of them runs on intermittent schedules - which means, if I don't plot it right - I could be standing around for thirty minutes at Jamaica), and an hour and a half away from my home.) Actually it may be closer to the work site - so about just an hour depending on time waiting for trains. Plus a gadzillion stairs. Welcome to NYC folks - the stair-master capital of the universe.
I did the switch from the R to the F at 4th/9th Streets again - and dang, that's a lot of steps. I counted. It's about four flights to the ground level, and then four more to the top. So eight flights. Steep. I was spent.
This is after going down ten flights, then another flight to get to the R.
The R is deep underground, doesn't have an elevator, and has one escalator at Whitehall going up. The one at 4th/9th doesn't have any escalators or elevators. No wonder the MTA is getting sued by the ADA advocacy groups.
****
Things I want to talk to you about, that I read...or noticed, and I've been pondering.
1. Whatever You Do, Don't Do the Silent Treatment
"With some knowledge about how imposed silence actually affects people, you might want to think twice before you freeze out that annoying family member. And you will be better equipped to deal with the silent treatment the next time someone imposes it on you.
You have probably inflicted the silent treatment on others—two-thirds of us have done so, according to the psychologist Kipling Williams in an interview with Daryl Austin in The Atlantic. Williams is arguably the best-known expert on the phenomenon. We use it, studies conducted by Williams and his co-researchers suggest, for two main reasons. The most common one is to punish someone for perceived misbehavior, something they said or did. Behind this, the next most common is conflict avoidance; you might go silent to avoid a major blowup, for example. Other motives can also apply, such as feeling that a relationship has reached a dead end, leaving nothing more to say or do.
Arguably, people who impose silence do so because they believe it works—whether as a punishment, a way to avoid conflict, or a coping mechanism in one of those dead-end situations. Williams and colleagues have reported that about one-quarter of inflictors regard it as an effective tactic. But at what cost? Those on the receiving end describe feelings of pain, and resentment from being ostracized by a loved one. And by pain, I mean literal pain—researchers have been able to identify the part of the brain affected by exclusion: the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which is also characteristically implicated in the sensation of emotional pain.
The effects on an ostracized person are what you might expect from that finding. Williams has shown in his research that being ignored initially provokes reflexive anger and sadness, followed by reflection on the motives and meaning of the treatment, and, when persistent over time, resignation. Not the resignation of being reconciled with a situation but a miserable state of alienation, hopelessness, and depression.
Like all kinds of abuse, silent rejection can impair a victim’s overall competence. In one experiment that asked participants to imagine that they would end up alone in life, this form of silent rejection lowered their ability to think clearly and complete complex tasks. What this suggests is that the silent treatment may be effective in satisfying the inflictor’s aggression, but it is an intensely cruel and disproportionate way to deal with conflict. Not very surprisingly, then, we find that people high in Machiavellianism—a willingness to hurt and manipulate others for their own gain, even a trivial one—may employ this technique with partners and friends.
Given how destructive the silent treatment is, like physical abuse, it can wreck relationships. In one 2009 paper, frequent use of the silent treatment was negatively correlated with commitment to one’s relationship. And according to the Gottman Institute, which conducts research on the success and failure of marriages, the act of cutting off your partner by stonewalling can be a contributory factor to divorce.
Interestingly, the treatment causes relationships to dissolve most consistently when the recipient has high self-esteem rather than low self-esteem. When such a person is ostracized, they have the personal resources to see their partner’s conduct for the gross maltreatment that it is and head for the exit. The unfortunate corollary is that people low in self-esteem, like vulnerable partners in an abusive relationship, are less likely to leave. Lacking the capacity to reject their abuser, they stay to endure the sad silence with the partner who hurts them."
I was pondering if I do that with Wales? Not really. I'm not sure if you can state deleting text messages and not answering them is the silent treatment? So much as protecting one's continued mental health? I answer the phone when she calls me. I've had it done to me - my brother likes to inflict it when he gets angry. And BYT was notorious for doing it. I don't like it - to be honest, mainly because I want things resolved and out in the open.
Also, there are situations in which it is called for? Such as social media.
IDK. What do you think?
2. Buddhism: If you have issues with someone correcting you, then you have an ego problem.
Except everyone hates being criticized? Right?
I wanted to respond to the Buddhism post on FB as follows: You are incredibly judgemental for a Buddhist. [I refrained.]
3. Comfort animals. Is it fair to use an animal to give oneself comfort? And have them for the sole purpose of comfort? Carrying the animal into stressful situations, such as plane rides, cars, trains, doctor's appointments, trips - just to soothe anxieties? Is this fair to the animal who is soaking in the human's anxieties and may be stressed or scared itself?
A Minister reported that his cat had a heart-attack and died in transit to their new home, because the poor animal was terrified of the moving car, and being old couldn't handle it.
I get seeing-eyed dogs - who are specifically trained to help their owners.
And it is their job. By the way, do not touch, pet, or go up to a seeing eyed dog or dog being used by someone who is disabled. You'll distract the animal.
Dogs are also used to detect blood sugar increases or decreases. Which is interesting.
But, I'm wondering about the ethics of using comfort animals - to relieve anxiety? I ask this question after watching a very anxious man on the subway with a terrified dog (which I am trying to draw and paint, I got a rough sketch that may work), and is haunting me. He was nervous, red in the face, and very upset, and so was the dog. I had my music on, so I didn't hear what he said, and I wasn't able to remove them quickly to do so, because I was reading and listening. I regret not removing them. I think I must have upset him further? I don't know. But the dog looked terrified and anxious. I looked in the dogs eyes, and my heart went out to it. I felt it was soaking up the man's fear somehow?
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 04:23 am (UTC)Makes you wonder how much those people think about their pet’s wellbeing in contrast to their own.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-08 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 07:42 am (UTC)I've walked away from a couple of toxic friendships. But I've always told someone I'm not going to engage with them any more.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-08 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-08 12:05 am (UTC)I looked it up, per Google AI:
"In the UK, accessibility for disabled people is primarily governed by the Equality Act 2010 and the Public Sector Bodies (Websites and Mobile Applications) Accessibility Regulations 2018. The Equality Act prohibits discrimination and requires "reasonable adjustments" to be made to ensure disabled people can access services. The 2018 regulations specifically focus on public sector websites and mobile apps, requiring them to be accessible and include an accessibility statement.
Key Laws and Regulations:
Equality Act 2010:
.
This foundational law prohibits discrimination against disabled people in various areas, including access to goods, facilities, and services.
Public Sector Bodies (Websites and Mobile Applications) Accessibility Regulations 2018:
.
These regulations mandate that public sector websites and mobile applications be accessible to all users, especially those with disabilities.
Key Requirements:
Reasonable Adjustments:
.
Under the Equality Act, service providers must make reasonable adjustments to the way they provide services, remove physical barriers, and provide auxiliary aids to ensure disabled people can access services.
Accessibility Statements:
.
Public sector bodies must publish accessibility statements for their websites and mobile apps, outlining the level of accessibility and any limitations.
WCAG Compliance:
.
The Equality Act and the 2018 Regulations do not explicitly state technical standards, but UK courts and regulators often refer to the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) as a benchmark for compliance.
In simpler terms, the laws aim to ensure that disabled people have equal access to services, and that public sector organizations are proactive in making their digital offerings accessible.
Additional Information:
BSI 8878: The British Standards Institution (BSI) provides guidance through BSI 8878, a non-technical guide for developing a digital accessibility strategy.
European Accessibility Act:
.
The European Accessibility Act (EAA) also applies to UK businesses selling products or services in the EU."
no subject
Date: 2025-08-09 01:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-09 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 06:48 pm (UTC)There’s not much I can add about animals — it’s just sad how selfish people can be.
It’s also interesting how many exits there are in the subway. Even if places are close, I know how long it can take to get around by public transport sometimes :(
I hope you get a chance to take a photo in Manhattan — it must look really beautiful!
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 11:54 pm (UTC)I hope you get a chance to take a photo in Manhattan — it must look really beautiful!
It's just an Identification Photo, like what you would get for an ID or Passport. Nothing special. I just want to do it in Manhattan where I work - and not about two hours away, especially since they have the ability to do it in Manhattan.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-08 11:19 am (UTC)Any how, photo on /manhattan sounds great)
no subject
Date: 2025-08-09 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 08:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-08 08:59 am (UTC)On the Tube (London Underground) one evening, a young guy of Indian ethnicity, wearing a full body Pikachu outfit, got on and sat opposite me. A small chameleon crawled a little way up from inside the costume to sit with its head on his chest, and he was singing lullabies to it. Amazing.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 11:38 pm (UTC)At least they retire their dogs after three years - dogs don't live that long, and it is a lot of trauma to inflict on a dog. I couldn't use a dog as a diabetic sensor - it just feels...wrong somehow and unnecessary? Seeing-Eyed, I kind of understand? But you can use other things...in this respect, I kind of want robotic dogs.