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shadowkatOn the subway this morning - it was hard to find a seat - not because seats weren't available - but that they were occupied by the homeless, who are mentally unstable and can be violent. They also smell. And may carry illness. So everyone attempts to give them a wide berth.
I did sit near one man, who was putting on a ratty old pair of old boots. Had no socks. His feet were dusted with white. He was wearing a torn t-shirt under a thick puffer black coat, and long, cotton pants that were stained with dirt and had seen better days. He picked up his cell phone and stood, then through chapped lips mumbled gibberish to folks. Eventually he came to stand right next to where I was sitting, and stunk of the streets and gutters. Leaning over, he attempted to mumble something to me, but I shook my head, and he swung back again. His eyes were half shut and dilated, and I couldn't help but think that he was on something. He smelled of like sweaty socks or stinky feet? When I got up to get out of the train he moved as well, and I found him standing almost next to me. People tried to move away from him. One woman kept touching things with a cloth. And a young girl stood against the doors with her Cello case, while another girl retreated deeper into the train. The rest of us, struggled to not brush into each other. And I struggled on where to put my backpack, which he kept brushing against or so it seemed.
Once I'd disembarked, I still felt him hovering around me, even though he was nowhere in sight, and still on the train.
On the way home, after disembarking from the subway at Church Avenue, and climbing the steps to exit near Denny's Pub, I stumbled upon a street filled with pigeons. Their heads tucked under their wings, all sleeping on the sidewalk beneath the overhang. There must have been at least thirty or forty of them sitting there.
**
Whoa. A lot of folks died this weekend, and rather tragically. The news was...depressing this morning, more so than usual? On social media and on ABC.
* Anthony Geary who portrayed the iconic Luke Spencer on General Hospital passed away yesterday from complications during a surgical procedure.
* Director Rob Reiner and his wife were killed, and their son has been arrested for their murder
* On the Brown University Shooting on the 13th in Providence, RI: Two were killed, nine sent to the hospital, six in critical but stable condition, seventh in critical, eighth stable, and the ninth released.
* Bondi Beach Hanukkah Massacre/Tragedy.
Damn. No wonder I'm depressed.
***
I don't know if anyone else feels this way? But sometimes, I feel as if I have no control over anything? My art, my writing, my life.
I bought two gifts for my mother, slippers and the Paul Newman memoir - neither have been delivered and both are stuck in transit. I looked up the Paul Newman gift - it tells me that weather delays are responsible. I looked up the slippers - it's stuck with FedEX in Georgia. So frustrated, and worried that Momma wouldn't have anything under her tree - I bought her a Suduko Calendar and a 2026 book of Sudoku puzzles.
I also spent a portion of the day - fighting to get Crazy Org to provide payment for two Union perks owed to me. I succeeded with one (which was admittedly the more important and greater of the two), and am making some headway on the other (which granted is just $100 (post taxes - $50), but that $100 could pay for this month's PT).
Iced my knee. Did exercises. Tried not to overdo.
And at home, worked on a drawing of a homeless man that I saw on the subway, and surrounded him with pigeons.
Me: I feel I've accomplished little in my life. I'm second guessing all of it.
Mother: You've survived
And I suppose that's something? There but for the grace of God go I?
I'm grateful for what I have, every single day, my City reminds me of that. It thrusts those who have far less under my nostrils.
Charisma Carpenter (played Cordy on Buffy and Angel) stated recently on a podcast that she loved New York City, because no matter how down or depressed you felt, you could always see somebody who was worse off - not only that but you could watch them find a way to keep on trucking. Thinking to yourself, if they can do that...then well, so can I.
I did sit near one man, who was putting on a ratty old pair of old boots. Had no socks. His feet were dusted with white. He was wearing a torn t-shirt under a thick puffer black coat, and long, cotton pants that were stained with dirt and had seen better days. He picked up his cell phone and stood, then through chapped lips mumbled gibberish to folks. Eventually he came to stand right next to where I was sitting, and stunk of the streets and gutters. Leaning over, he attempted to mumble something to me, but I shook my head, and he swung back again. His eyes were half shut and dilated, and I couldn't help but think that he was on something. He smelled of like sweaty socks or stinky feet? When I got up to get out of the train he moved as well, and I found him standing almost next to me. People tried to move away from him. One woman kept touching things with a cloth. And a young girl stood against the doors with her Cello case, while another girl retreated deeper into the train. The rest of us, struggled to not brush into each other. And I struggled on where to put my backpack, which he kept brushing against or so it seemed.
Once I'd disembarked, I still felt him hovering around me, even though he was nowhere in sight, and still on the train.
On the way home, after disembarking from the subway at Church Avenue, and climbing the steps to exit near Denny's Pub, I stumbled upon a street filled with pigeons. Their heads tucked under their wings, all sleeping on the sidewalk beneath the overhang. There must have been at least thirty or forty of them sitting there.
**
Whoa. A lot of folks died this weekend, and rather tragically. The news was...depressing this morning, more so than usual? On social media and on ABC.
* Anthony Geary who portrayed the iconic Luke Spencer on General Hospital passed away yesterday from complications during a surgical procedure.
* Director Rob Reiner and his wife were killed, and their son has been arrested for their murder
* On the Brown University Shooting on the 13th in Providence, RI: Two were killed, nine sent to the hospital, six in critical but stable condition, seventh in critical, eighth stable, and the ninth released.
* Bondi Beach Hanukkah Massacre/Tragedy.
Damn. No wonder I'm depressed.
***
I don't know if anyone else feels this way? But sometimes, I feel as if I have no control over anything? My art, my writing, my life.
I bought two gifts for my mother, slippers and the Paul Newman memoir - neither have been delivered and both are stuck in transit. I looked up the Paul Newman gift - it tells me that weather delays are responsible. I looked up the slippers - it's stuck with FedEX in Georgia. So frustrated, and worried that Momma wouldn't have anything under her tree - I bought her a Suduko Calendar and a 2026 book of Sudoku puzzles.
I also spent a portion of the day - fighting to get Crazy Org to provide payment for two Union perks owed to me. I succeeded with one (which was admittedly the more important and greater of the two), and am making some headway on the other (which granted is just $100 (post taxes - $50), but that $100 could pay for this month's PT).
Iced my knee. Did exercises. Tried not to overdo.
And at home, worked on a drawing of a homeless man that I saw on the subway, and surrounded him with pigeons.
Me: I feel I've accomplished little in my life. I'm second guessing all of it.
Mother: You've survived
And I suppose that's something? There but for the grace of God go I?
I'm grateful for what I have, every single day, my City reminds me of that. It thrusts those who have far less under my nostrils.
Charisma Carpenter (played Cordy on Buffy and Angel) stated recently on a podcast that she loved New York City, because no matter how down or depressed you felt, you could always see somebody who was worse off - not only that but you could watch them find a way to keep on trucking. Thinking to yourself, if they can do that...then well, so can I.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-20 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-12-20 11:14 pm (UTC)I don't think we know or understand enough about how the universe let alone the human brain/soul/etc works to make a determination one way or the other?
The older I get, the more convinced I become of how little we actually know about everything.
So I don't know. I could argue it either way. My guess, is it is most likely a little bit of both?