Struggling with dialogue
Jun. 6th, 2006 06:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatUgh, I need to stop pecking at the same three paragraphs in my novel and write the next one.
It's a climatic point and I'm stalling. Partly because I liked how I wrote it five months ago, before the laptop got stolen and my writing along with it. Once I move past this clump, I'll feel much better - just got to get myself past it. Heavy dialogue section and dialogue can be a bitch to write well - lot's of people think they do it well, but honestly, if the dialogue is not moving the characters or story forward or at least telling you something about them in any way - you screwed up. Plus - you got to be careful with it, be true to the character - not have them say something just because it is convienent for you the writer to have it said or it sounds cool. If it isn't something the character would say - the reader will sense it and you'll lose them. And while it's tempting to play games with dialect and catch-phrases that you think distinquish characters from each other - it can be annoying to a reader and take them out of the story - or jar, not fit. When writing dialogue, you got to keep in mind each character has their own agenda, brings their own baggage to the party. They are going to be jockeying to have their say to get their agenda to the forefront. Dialogue can be like a verbal chess match or battle of wits, or it can be an assessing of one another - getting the other person's measure. It can be snappy or a series of interlocking monologues.
On TV - there's three or four shows that I've watched recently where the dialogue crackled and worked - House, The West Wing, Buffy (yes, watched a few on my DVDS, chortle all you want), and Grey's Anatomy - which did a thing with interlocking monologues in its finale that was quite brilliant. Then there are shows like Bones - that are lacklustre at dialogue, my mind always drifts away from it for some reason. The dialogue in that show reminds me of any number of the mistakes I've seen in mystery and mass market novels, not to mention fanfic. Oh they sell well enough, I guess, and people like them. But do remember the dialogue, does it bounce in your brain? The words are sort of forgotten, they have no juice to them. Dialogue should have a rhythm, a cadence. Speech does. And each person speaks differently. Read lj sometime - see how people write differently - how some people are very formal, very exact, particular over words. And the words are often long and careful. The sentences become paragraphs. While others love short-hand, natch, frex, lol, and other such phrases populate it. Still other's will write poetically, in phrases, words missing here and there. Incomplete thoughts. And other's may not punctuate or if they do, do it oddly.
To see dialogue in action - read a live journal or discussion board. Or even a chat conversation.
Then think, okay, if I was reading this in a book - would I read all of it or go to sleep? Dialogue in books and tv aren't exactly how we talk in life. We don't edit ourselves in life. We tend to, pardon the term, babble, at times. We also use pleasantries - such as please, thank you, hello, how are you, goodbye, your welcome, what's up - which are more filler than anything else. We really don't expect an answer and they serve to politely begin or end conversations. When we read, we skip over this stuff. A writer can easily do the same - skip over it. Summarize it briefly. "Sharon called James. After they exchange pleasantries, she asked him if he'd come to her place for dinner." Quick and to the point. No need to wast five lines of dialogue on that baby, unless of course you've got something else to say. In a script - show them on the phone, space, "James? Sharon. Wanna come to dinner at my place Sunday?" "Don't know, have to check with the fiancee." "Oh, thought it could just be us for once." Now - you got dialogue. As opposed to: "Hi James, how are you." "Fine, and you?" "Great thanks, I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming to dinner on Sunday?" "Don't know, I'd have to talk it over with Janie first, my fiancee.." Okay, I'm asleep now, how about you? If the characters are not on the phone and actually speaking face to face: "Wanna come to dinner Sunday night?" James nods. "Then it's a date." End of conversation.
The other thing you don't need in dialogue is all of the qualifiers and filler people use in everyday speech. Such as "like", "you know", "okay, "sure", "I mean", "basically", "so", "well", "hopefully" - this stuff can be kicked to the curb. Hard as hell to do. Because you want to write how you hear speech. But if you transcribe it - exactly as people say it then read it back, you'll find your mind wandering in the middle. I know I've transcribed speech before and have written it here, actually. Folklore transcriptions - boring as all get out. Now, okay and sure can be used to state agreement - nice shorthand. But don't overdo it.
One of the problems with dialogue is people overuse words. Have you ever read a fanfic in which a character used the word "Cor" in just about every over sentence he spoke? Or how about pet names?
These distract the reader from what you are trying to tell them. They don't see anything but "Cor" after a while. It's why we're told to kill adverbs in our writing - distracts the reader from the rest of the words on the page. Curse words also should be used sparingly and with care - due to the fact that they tend to distract readers. If you use them, like I do, make sure you can justify them. In my novel - one character would say Fuck or Screw you. Another would substitute frig or frak or make up a word. But I'm careful not to overuse, for fear of distraction.
Here's an example of good dialogue, taken from a book I just read:
"Oh," he grunted. "You! I thought you'd be dead by now. What are you doing out here?"
"I brought back your prodigal Benjamin," said Don Paulo. He tugged at a leash and the blue-headed goat trotted up from behind the pony. It bleated and strained at the rope upon seeing the hermit. "And...I thought I'd pay you a visit."
"The animal is the Poet's," the hermit grunted. "He won it fairly in a game of chance - although he cheated miserably. Take it back to him and let me counsel you against medling in worldly swindles that don't concern you. Good day."
And now here's an example of not so great dialogue, also taken from a book I've read:
"Hello Sookie," Father Riordan said. He was Irish; really Irish, not just of Irish extraction. I loved to hear him talk. He wore thick glasses with black frames, and he was in his forties.
"Evening, Father. And hi to you, Father Littrell. What can I get you all?'
"I'd like Scotch on the rocks, Miss Sookie. And you, Kempton?"
"Oh, I'll just have a beer. And a basket of chicken strips, please." The Episcopal priest wore gold-rimmed glasses, and he was younger than Father Riordan. He had a conscientious heart.
"Sure." I smiled at the two of them. Since I could read their thoughts, I knew them both to be genuinely good men, and that made me happy.
The second bit is written well. No grammatical errors. Clean writing. But everything we learn about the characters is through the description. In fact, if I remove the dialogue nothing changes. Might as well not have it. Does it really matter? Does it tell us anything? Besides what the men ordered? Sure it happens every day. But would you care if you read it? Say I do the reverse, remove the description - like I would if it were a script. What would that description tell you? Anything?
The first bit of dialogue shows us a great deal. It also moves the plot and characters forward. You find yourself wondering about them. They have tension. We know their relationship just be reading it. If I remove the description, which is minor, you still know who is saying what. You get a sense of who these people are.
How could the second bit be better? Well, instead of telling us that she loves hearing Father Riordan talk or that he was Irish. How about showing us why? Have him say something interesting.
But make sure it has something to do with the story. Otherwise just cut the whole bit and summarize.
Both books were published by the way. But the book that is remembered is the first one, that's the one you'll see again. Why? Ah, re-read the dialogue. It pulls you into the story, instead of being something your eyes skip over.
Hence the reason I'm struggling. I'm being particular about my dialogue.
It's a climatic point and I'm stalling. Partly because I liked how I wrote it five months ago, before the laptop got stolen and my writing along with it. Once I move past this clump, I'll feel much better - just got to get myself past it. Heavy dialogue section and dialogue can be a bitch to write well - lot's of people think they do it well, but honestly, if the dialogue is not moving the characters or story forward or at least telling you something about them in any way - you screwed up. Plus - you got to be careful with it, be true to the character - not have them say something just because it is convienent for you the writer to have it said or it sounds cool. If it isn't something the character would say - the reader will sense it and you'll lose them. And while it's tempting to play games with dialect and catch-phrases that you think distinquish characters from each other - it can be annoying to a reader and take them out of the story - or jar, not fit. When writing dialogue, you got to keep in mind each character has their own agenda, brings their own baggage to the party. They are going to be jockeying to have their say to get their agenda to the forefront. Dialogue can be like a verbal chess match or battle of wits, or it can be an assessing of one another - getting the other person's measure. It can be snappy or a series of interlocking monologues.
On TV - there's three or four shows that I've watched recently where the dialogue crackled and worked - House, The West Wing, Buffy (yes, watched a few on my DVDS, chortle all you want), and Grey's Anatomy - which did a thing with interlocking monologues in its finale that was quite brilliant. Then there are shows like Bones - that are lacklustre at dialogue, my mind always drifts away from it for some reason. The dialogue in that show reminds me of any number of the mistakes I've seen in mystery and mass market novels, not to mention fanfic. Oh they sell well enough, I guess, and people like them. But do remember the dialogue, does it bounce in your brain? The words are sort of forgotten, they have no juice to them. Dialogue should have a rhythm, a cadence. Speech does. And each person speaks differently. Read lj sometime - see how people write differently - how some people are very formal, very exact, particular over words. And the words are often long and careful. The sentences become paragraphs. While others love short-hand, natch, frex, lol, and other such phrases populate it. Still other's will write poetically, in phrases, words missing here and there. Incomplete thoughts. And other's may not punctuate or if they do, do it oddly.
To see dialogue in action - read a live journal or discussion board. Or even a chat conversation.
Then think, okay, if I was reading this in a book - would I read all of it or go to sleep? Dialogue in books and tv aren't exactly how we talk in life. We don't edit ourselves in life. We tend to, pardon the term, babble, at times. We also use pleasantries - such as please, thank you, hello, how are you, goodbye, your welcome, what's up - which are more filler than anything else. We really don't expect an answer and they serve to politely begin or end conversations. When we read, we skip over this stuff. A writer can easily do the same - skip over it. Summarize it briefly. "Sharon called James. After they exchange pleasantries, she asked him if he'd come to her place for dinner." Quick and to the point. No need to wast five lines of dialogue on that baby, unless of course you've got something else to say. In a script - show them on the phone, space, "James? Sharon. Wanna come to dinner at my place Sunday?" "Don't know, have to check with the fiancee." "Oh, thought it could just be us for once." Now - you got dialogue. As opposed to: "Hi James, how are you." "Fine, and you?" "Great thanks, I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming to dinner on Sunday?" "Don't know, I'd have to talk it over with Janie first, my fiancee.." Okay, I'm asleep now, how about you? If the characters are not on the phone and actually speaking face to face: "Wanna come to dinner Sunday night?" James nods. "Then it's a date." End of conversation.
The other thing you don't need in dialogue is all of the qualifiers and filler people use in everyday speech. Such as "like", "you know", "okay, "sure", "I mean", "basically", "so", "well", "hopefully" - this stuff can be kicked to the curb. Hard as hell to do. Because you want to write how you hear speech. But if you transcribe it - exactly as people say it then read it back, you'll find your mind wandering in the middle. I know I've transcribed speech before and have written it here, actually. Folklore transcriptions - boring as all get out. Now, okay and sure can be used to state agreement - nice shorthand. But don't overdo it.
One of the problems with dialogue is people overuse words. Have you ever read a fanfic in which a character used the word "Cor" in just about every over sentence he spoke? Or how about pet names?
These distract the reader from what you are trying to tell them. They don't see anything but "Cor" after a while. It's why we're told to kill adverbs in our writing - distracts the reader from the rest of the words on the page. Curse words also should be used sparingly and with care - due to the fact that they tend to distract readers. If you use them, like I do, make sure you can justify them. In my novel - one character would say Fuck or Screw you. Another would substitute frig or frak or make up a word. But I'm careful not to overuse, for fear of distraction.
Here's an example of good dialogue, taken from a book I just read:
"Oh," he grunted. "You! I thought you'd be dead by now. What are you doing out here?"
"I brought back your prodigal Benjamin," said Don Paulo. He tugged at a leash and the blue-headed goat trotted up from behind the pony. It bleated and strained at the rope upon seeing the hermit. "And...I thought I'd pay you a visit."
"The animal is the Poet's," the hermit grunted. "He won it fairly in a game of chance - although he cheated miserably. Take it back to him and let me counsel you against medling in worldly swindles that don't concern you. Good day."
And now here's an example of not so great dialogue, also taken from a book I've read:
"Hello Sookie," Father Riordan said. He was Irish; really Irish, not just of Irish extraction. I loved to hear him talk. He wore thick glasses with black frames, and he was in his forties.
"Evening, Father. And hi to you, Father Littrell. What can I get you all?'
"I'd like Scotch on the rocks, Miss Sookie. And you, Kempton?"
"Oh, I'll just have a beer. And a basket of chicken strips, please." The Episcopal priest wore gold-rimmed glasses, and he was younger than Father Riordan. He had a conscientious heart.
"Sure." I smiled at the two of them. Since I could read their thoughts, I knew them both to be genuinely good men, and that made me happy.
The second bit is written well. No grammatical errors. Clean writing. But everything we learn about the characters is through the description. In fact, if I remove the dialogue nothing changes. Might as well not have it. Does it really matter? Does it tell us anything? Besides what the men ordered? Sure it happens every day. But would you care if you read it? Say I do the reverse, remove the description - like I would if it were a script. What would that description tell you? Anything?
The first bit of dialogue shows us a great deal. It also moves the plot and characters forward. You find yourself wondering about them. They have tension. We know their relationship just be reading it. If I remove the description, which is minor, you still know who is saying what. You get a sense of who these people are.
How could the second bit be better? Well, instead of telling us that she loves hearing Father Riordan talk or that he was Irish. How about showing us why? Have him say something interesting.
But make sure it has something to do with the story. Otherwise just cut the whole bit and summarize.
Both books were published by the way. But the book that is remembered is the first one, that's the one you'll see again. Why? Ah, re-read the dialogue. It pulls you into the story, instead of being something your eyes skip over.
Hence the reason I'm struggling. I'm being particular about my dialogue.
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Date: 2006-06-07 05:12 am (UTC)As long as you have the natural " give and take " of a real conversation happen in a way that " moves " the story foward ( or DEVELOPS ) the character's depth ... it's worth the effort.
Caracters are people .... and as long as the people in the tale stay " people" ..you can't go wrong !!!