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Sep. 26th, 2009 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatI don't know what I want to call this entry because to be honest I'm not really sure right now which topic to discuss. Or to discuss all at the same time. Or none at all. Am feeling strangely ambivalent about this whole blogging/lj writing thing at the moment. It's one thing to just write for yourself - which generally speaking is my attitude regarding it on most occassions, but another entirely to write in order to obtain responses (preferably positive ones, who wants negative ones? I mean seriously, does anyone??), and meet new and interesting people who have things in common with you and could potentially become a close friend. (ie. The connection purpose.) I've found, generally speaking, that the blogging for myself the rest of the world be damned approach doesn't really work as much as I would like to believe. Because, I'm lying to myself if I think I don't want the responses and the new cool people.
But I've no clue what the heck to write to attract them. And worry sometimes that I'm just not that good a writer. OR perhaps too lazy. Maybe the difficulty is I don't want to commit fully to either - writing just for me, or writing just to attract others? So, as a result, find myself to be somewhat ambivalent at the moment and debating giving up the whole enterprise entirely. If I can't commit to one approach or the other, why bother? Yet, at the same time, I can't give it up. Writing in a lj blog is well, a bit like crack cocaine for a writer. Particularly a frustrated unpublished creative writer who used to get off on writing long-ass letters to everyone she knew before the internet arrived.
Have a lot to write about, but not sure if I should break them out into individual posts or just cobble them together, albeit awkwardly, in one long kitchen sink ramble - which I'm guessing annoys people?? (by the lack of responses)The thing of it is, I don't understand why people do the things they do, respond the way they do, or what they want. People are interesting, mind boggling, and frustrating all at the same time.
Said as much to the sales clerk today at Lord & Taylor, where I spent a godawful amount of money on clothes. To my credit - I've only gone clothes shopping twice this year. And that's it. I was in desperate need of new clothes. Got tired of rummaging through my drawers and not finding a shirt that was not too tight or had oil stains all over the front of it. You can't get oil stains out. They look like water stains fo - eternity.
At any rate, the sales clerk at L&T was talking about her customers.
Sales Clerk: Would you like me to pack these up and have them sent to you?
Me(somewhat bewildered): Uh no. I'm more than capable of lugging two bags of clothes home with me. I didn't get that much.
Sales Clerk: You never know with people. Some people want everything sent to them. Others demand that I wrap everything in tissue paper.
Me (somewhat bemused): People are definitely interesting. And retail is a difficult place.
Sales Clerk: Yeah, you have to know where to draw the line. (pause).
Me: Some people are such...princesses.
Sales Clerk: Actually, I think its a power game for them. You have to understand for some people this is the one place they can exert their power. They have to feel in control.
They need that.
ME: I never thought of it that way before. Interesting. It's about power?
Sales Clerk: Yes.
Me: Those who have it and abuse it and those who don't.
Sales Clerk: Yes, but...it's also about exerting power, feeling that you have it and can use.
Often the people who exert here in the store, don't have it elsewhere, not at work or in their lives.
Me: That makes sense. It's a power trip. Been thinking a lot about power dynamics lately, been a theme.
Sales Clerk: Yep, there's a book that I've been meaning to read called Power Freaks - about people who mishandle and struggle with power addiction.
Power. I think to a degree, albeit a small one, that's what is happening online. Why people post a disagreement. Why we often get into arguments. It's about exerting power and control. Deleting a post. Deleting someone else's. Defriending. Being defriended. Banning. Being banned. Catering. Writing a post or fanfic for someone else. Demanding it. Being silent. Filtering. Not filtering. Banning Comments. Screening Comments. Different variations on power and control. And the internet, in a way is not unlike the wild west, except instead of guns, we have words, which we aim accordingly.
But I've no clue what the heck to write to attract them. And worry sometimes that I'm just not that good a writer. OR perhaps too lazy. Maybe the difficulty is I don't want to commit fully to either - writing just for me, or writing just to attract others? So, as a result, find myself to be somewhat ambivalent at the moment and debating giving up the whole enterprise entirely. If I can't commit to one approach or the other, why bother? Yet, at the same time, I can't give it up. Writing in a lj blog is well, a bit like crack cocaine for a writer. Particularly a frustrated unpublished creative writer who used to get off on writing long-ass letters to everyone she knew before the internet arrived.
Have a lot to write about, but not sure if I should break them out into individual posts or just cobble them together, albeit awkwardly, in one long kitchen sink ramble - which I'm guessing annoys people?? (by the lack of responses)The thing of it is, I don't understand why people do the things they do, respond the way they do, or what they want. People are interesting, mind boggling, and frustrating all at the same time.
Said as much to the sales clerk today at Lord & Taylor, where I spent a godawful amount of money on clothes. To my credit - I've only gone clothes shopping twice this year. And that's it. I was in desperate need of new clothes. Got tired of rummaging through my drawers and not finding a shirt that was not too tight or had oil stains all over the front of it. You can't get oil stains out. They look like water stains fo - eternity.
At any rate, the sales clerk at L&T was talking about her customers.
Sales Clerk: Would you like me to pack these up and have them sent to you?
Me(somewhat bewildered): Uh no. I'm more than capable of lugging two bags of clothes home with me. I didn't get that much.
Sales Clerk: You never know with people. Some people want everything sent to them. Others demand that I wrap everything in tissue paper.
Me (somewhat bemused): People are definitely interesting. And retail is a difficult place.
Sales Clerk: Yeah, you have to know where to draw the line. (pause).
Me: Some people are such...princesses.
Sales Clerk: Actually, I think its a power game for them. You have to understand for some people this is the one place they can exert their power. They have to feel in control.
They need that.
ME: I never thought of it that way before. Interesting. It's about power?
Sales Clerk: Yes.
Me: Those who have it and abuse it and those who don't.
Sales Clerk: Yes, but...it's also about exerting power, feeling that you have it and can use.
Often the people who exert here in the store, don't have it elsewhere, not at work or in their lives.
Me: That makes sense. It's a power trip. Been thinking a lot about power dynamics lately, been a theme.
Sales Clerk: Yep, there's a book that I've been meaning to read called Power Freaks - about people who mishandle and struggle with power addiction.
Power. I think to a degree, albeit a small one, that's what is happening online. Why people post a disagreement. Why we often get into arguments. It's about exerting power and control. Deleting a post. Deleting someone else's. Defriending. Being defriended. Banning. Being banned. Catering. Writing a post or fanfic for someone else. Demanding it. Being silent. Filtering. Not filtering. Banning Comments. Screening Comments. Different variations on power and control. And the internet, in a way is not unlike the wild west, except instead of guns, we have words, which we aim accordingly.
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 03:29 am (UTC)there are new cool people? At lj?
In many ways everything is about power...
no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 04:07 am (UTC)