This and that and the other thing..

[shadowkat]

1. Amazed I made it to work today without a)getting killed by a bus, or reaming said bus with my cane, b)getting knocked over by several pedestrains, not giving in to the temptation to trip said pedestrains with cane, c) injuring hip attempting to sit on train next to annoying woman who felt the need to take up six seats...and not clobbering said woman with cane. And who says life is not an obstacle course?

2. Ah, the bowling match above my head has stopped finally. They must be taking a lunch break.

3. Lost rocked last night. (Well it did if you ignore the whole island storyline which has become incredibly convoluted.) The Lock story though - highly satisfying. Particularly the small bits with Ben in them. The Sawyer story thread...was okay. May or may not write a review. selenak
already has in case you are interested. The other thing that rocked was Big Bang Theory - which made me giggle throughout, I think it was re-run.

4. Was reading that fic Imitation of A Man last night - yeah, I know, still.
Don't ask me why, but there's something about it I must find compelling. It is well written in places. And the feminization of Spike and masculation of Buffy that I find fascinating, particularly since I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that the writer appears to be unaware of it. Spike's clearly in the traditional female role here (not traditional in the sense of cooking, etc - but in how relationships are traditionally presented in literature and media) while Buffy's in the traditional male. (Generally speaking in most novels and media - men usually aren't in talking about their feelings, while women are. Men more action oriented, women more into talking/communicating. As evidenced by 85% of the tv shows currently on the air.) Anyhow when my Kindle couldn't access basic web last night to get the next chapter, I found myself scrolling through the comments to amuse myself. And one of the author (darkapple)'s comments truly befuddled me. A true WTF moment. The author stated and I'm doing this from memory, so wording may be slightly off - "what I love most about Spike is he brings no baggage to his love, his love is so pure, so absolute, there's no baggage, just pure love". Uhm okay. What??? Seriously - WTF??? There are days in which I feel as if we are on separate planets or dimensions in our interpretations/communications. Can writers be this unaware of what they are doing? I'm guessing so. Or maybe I'm just misreading the thing? Both are equally possible.

5. Definitely have a stress fracture. Doc seems to think it was caused by my massive hike home from church - which was you know, 40 blocks. 40 blocks is the equivalent of a half a mile maybe a mile. Hardly massive. The man clearly drives everywhere. With any luck will get a boot by the end of the week or weekend at the latest.

Comments

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Oh, I totally agree that it was a pattern established in his youth/childhood. And, in some way he gets... self-esteem? Validation?... out of caretaking. He needs to be needed to find direction. I think that's why his redemption was in many respects kicked off when Buffy brought Dawn to him to protect in Season 5. It's definitely a part of his relationship with Drusilla. It's also largely present in Spike's mirroring whatever Buffy seemed to communicate that she needed in Season 6 (and his inability to realize maybe what she's indicating she needs isn't necessarily what she really needs, which is how the relationship spiralled out of control. Had he had a better sense of self, he could have walked away at those junctures where it would have served them both better if he had, but Spike just... couldn't. And even in AtS 5, Spike didn't commit to staying until Fred was in trouble.

I'm just not sure whether the reason Spike needs to be needed so badly is because it's his concept (learned as a kid) of what love is (and I don't mean that in 100% positive light. It's not always 100% positive), because he doesn't feel he deserves to be taken care of (which may have been some of his problem with Harm who in her silly, stupid way tried be. Well, she was supportive...on top of being annoying and dumb as a post >:), or that he feels he doesn't really exist if he's not 'taking care of' someone and it's a massive lack of self-worth/self-esteem, or whether it's a deep-seeded self-hatred etc. that leads him to pairing up with women who...erm... have some issues of their own. And all of these things seem like variations of a theme with only small differences, which is why, I think it sort of eludes me when I try to place too fine a point on it. Forest for the trees and all that.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

And it kind of scares me how long I've been pondering this question (http://shipperx.livejournal.com/371890.html). LOL!