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shadowkatIf I wanted proof that it is possible for two people to radically see the same show differently, outside of course my flist's reviews on the Buffy comic - I'd say The Good Wife delivered. I just saw it, and this episode was about as far from bland as one could get. It would be like calling peppermint ice cream or a spicey curry, bland. It was ripe with subtext, and political maneuvering. There was so many deals and counter-deals going on beneath the surface, and manipulations. I can't understand how anyone in their right mind could call this bland? Mind-boggling.
But see? That's taste. I remember years ago inviting a friend to Thanksgiving Dinner and fixing her a favorite dish - sweet potatoes and apples, with a touch of molassess and apple cider. She wouldn't touch it. Hated it. Wanted stuffing with gloppy gravy, which frankly made me ill (because hello gluten intolerant but I didn't know that at the time.). Or lumpy mashed potatoes. In sum? Our tastes differed. And about five years ago, I wrote a post on a fanboard about why I hated the Buffy episode Storyteller, which was clearly everyone else's favorite - the essay wasn't about the fact that I disliked the episode, it was about the more interesting bit - why we had such radically different perspectives on the same episode. It's sort of like that voice meme going around - how differently people pronounce certain words. My brother insists that the correct pronouciation of the word Aunt is Awwnt. While I can't imagine calling my Aunts - anything but "ant". In fact I passed it by them, and they burst out laughing, no, no, we are definitely "ants". Just as I'd smack my bro upside the head for having my niece calling me "Awwnt" - how snooty and upper-crust, it makes me think of Maggie Smith from Downton Abbey in her full dressage, sipping tea. OR some people call their parents - rents, and other's folks.
I think it comes down to so many variables. In tonight's episode of the Good Wife, there's a jury expert (which my Evidence/Litigation Prof in law school used to make fun of - stating they are a waste of money and time) - and this guy states that people are as predictable as dogs. Easy to read.
Easy to manipulate. Yet, the episode proves this is not the case. People aren't predictable, as many a social psychologist will eventually attest to their immense frustration. You don't know what you or anyone else is going to do in any given situation until it arises. You can guess of course, go by certain statistical evidence, etc - but you don't know. I remember realizing that as I sat in a Marketing class - and listened to the various techniques that marketers use to figure out how buyers will react to ads or a product. There's no clear science, it's mainly guess work, reading people, and hunches. Some people have a knack for predicting trends, some don't.
But...there are always exceptions, always someone who bucks the trend.
When you rec a tv show, book, movie, song to me - you have no idea if I'll love it or hate it. You can maybe guess by the pattern of other shows or books or songs I've mentioned. For example if I love Buffy, Nikita, Vampire Diaries, Alias, Covert Affairs, BSG, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Lost...you may think I'd love the X-Files and Fringe. Yet I didn't like either. Couldn't make it past 6 episodes of Fringe. It did not work for me. Possibly because of the monster of the week, procedural set up - of crime investigators and conspiracy theories (conspiracy theory tv shows annoy me - for reasons I won't bore you with and I have little tolerance for Alien Invasion or Evil Aliens or Big Evil Covert Goverments...I find those silly - I think I saw too many at one point.). And you'd think I'd hate The Good Wife - since I avoid legal shows, but I adore it to pieces, its not a procedural at all, it's an anti-procedural, the B-plotline is the least important. It's the opposite in structure from shows like House or The Closer in some respects. In some ways it's a lot like The West Wing, but less preachy and less message oriented. The characters are all morally gray, and the central aspect is gender politics and politics in general. I love it? Because it resonates for me on a certain level. It has crisp, smart, and tough women - with whom I can identify, and interesting men. And it is focused on human relationships and motivations. It appeals to me in part because of my educational and cultural background. The fact I love the show, does tell you something about me, but it's hard to know what it is...because you can't judge people by their taste.
And I guess you can tell a lot about me - based on the mere fact that I find people's diverse reactions to the same set of data, the same story, the same characters - so incredibly fascinating.
Often more interesting than my own reaction. It just is so interesting to me that we can perceive the same thing from so many different angles, and often contradictory ones. And yet, and here's the best bit of all, against all logic, all common sense? Both be right - because the story literally can be seen both ways. And how we see it - explains why we love or hate it. I think the challenge - is to respect and embrace the diversity in opinion. To love that diversity! While at the same time, seeking comfort in the fact that there are those, even if it is a scant few that agree with us absolutely.
At any rate, loved this episode of The Good Wife. It hasn't had a bland or bad episode yet in my opinion. Your mileage may differ of course, and that is a wonderful thing. Although it continues to boggle my mind that people feel compelled to respond to glowing reviews or highly critical ones with the exact opposite point of view. Almost as if they want to remind me that my opinion is JUST my opinion and there is, shock, gasp, someone out there who completely and utterly disagrees with me! And thinks I'm dead wrong! As if I couldn't figure that out for myself. (Hmmm maybe this is why lawyers use so many qualifiers in their writing - you have no idea how long it took me to weed out the "basically", "hopefully", "possibly" et al out of my writing. Ugh.) And some of them don't stop there - they feel the need to argue the point with everyone agrees with me. Or, in lieu of that, with me - because I'm stupid enough to respond. What I want to say, and I never do, but will here, generally speaking - "honestly, how do you think someone is going to respond to you telling them that you loved something they hated or vice versa? I mean come on! Do you think you are going to persuade them to change their mind just because you liked it or hated it for that matter? I don't think so. Taste doesn't work like that. You may have liked it for the very reason they hated it. What turns one person on, may very well turn off another. Also, as close as you might be as friends, do you really think your opinion is going to change theirs? They already made up their mind. And if they are at all passionate about it - it's unlikely arguing with them about it is going to work - all you are going to do is piss them off, and well yourself in the bargain. No...the best way to change someone's mind is to figure out what pissed them off, why they absolutely hated something and try to show another perspective on it. Get at the root. Which is almost impossible to do on the internet, it's hard enough to do in person. I've only pulled it off five-ten times in the space of ten-fifteen years.
And I did by not being emotional, and purely objective - in other words, I was able to stand back from it and see both perspectives clearly...and argue both sides. If you can't argue both sides, or see both sides - there's no way you can persuade the other person to change their mind. That's the most important part - to be able to see their pov clearly, and not judge it. It's the only time it's ever worked for me and like I said, rarely. Because what I just described is a lot harder to do than it sounds. You can't argue against emotion, you have to argue with it...ie. you have to respect the emotion and address it. Not judge it, not fight it, and not condemn it. And find a way...to show them your pov without hurting them, without adding to their rage or to the emotion. I write this more as a reminder to myself ...than anyone else. To respect someone else's views even if they run counter to my own. Respect my Aunt who loves Sarah Palin, and respect my family members who love the Twilight novels - try to understand how they view it. Just as I hope they can respect my love of Buffy and Barack Obama.
But see? That's taste. I remember years ago inviting a friend to Thanksgiving Dinner and fixing her a favorite dish - sweet potatoes and apples, with a touch of molassess and apple cider. She wouldn't touch it. Hated it. Wanted stuffing with gloppy gravy, which frankly made me ill (because hello gluten intolerant but I didn't know that at the time.). Or lumpy mashed potatoes. In sum? Our tastes differed. And about five years ago, I wrote a post on a fanboard about why I hated the Buffy episode Storyteller, which was clearly everyone else's favorite - the essay wasn't about the fact that I disliked the episode, it was about the more interesting bit - why we had such radically different perspectives on the same episode. It's sort of like that voice meme going around - how differently people pronounce certain words. My brother insists that the correct pronouciation of the word Aunt is Awwnt. While I can't imagine calling my Aunts - anything but "ant". In fact I passed it by them, and they burst out laughing, no, no, we are definitely "ants". Just as I'd smack my bro upside the head for having my niece calling me "Awwnt" - how snooty and upper-crust, it makes me think of Maggie Smith from Downton Abbey in her full dressage, sipping tea. OR some people call their parents - rents, and other's folks.
I think it comes down to so many variables. In tonight's episode of the Good Wife, there's a jury expert (which my Evidence/Litigation Prof in law school used to make fun of - stating they are a waste of money and time) - and this guy states that people are as predictable as dogs. Easy to read.
Easy to manipulate. Yet, the episode proves this is not the case. People aren't predictable, as many a social psychologist will eventually attest to their immense frustration. You don't know what you or anyone else is going to do in any given situation until it arises. You can guess of course, go by certain statistical evidence, etc - but you don't know. I remember realizing that as I sat in a Marketing class - and listened to the various techniques that marketers use to figure out how buyers will react to ads or a product. There's no clear science, it's mainly guess work, reading people, and hunches. Some people have a knack for predicting trends, some don't.
But...there are always exceptions, always someone who bucks the trend.
When you rec a tv show, book, movie, song to me - you have no idea if I'll love it or hate it. You can maybe guess by the pattern of other shows or books or songs I've mentioned. For example if I love Buffy, Nikita, Vampire Diaries, Alias, Covert Affairs, BSG, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Lost...you may think I'd love the X-Files and Fringe. Yet I didn't like either. Couldn't make it past 6 episodes of Fringe. It did not work for me. Possibly because of the monster of the week, procedural set up - of crime investigators and conspiracy theories (conspiracy theory tv shows annoy me - for reasons I won't bore you with and I have little tolerance for Alien Invasion or Evil Aliens or Big Evil Covert Goverments...I find those silly - I think I saw too many at one point.). And you'd think I'd hate The Good Wife - since I avoid legal shows, but I adore it to pieces, its not a procedural at all, it's an anti-procedural, the B-plotline is the least important. It's the opposite in structure from shows like House or The Closer in some respects. In some ways it's a lot like The West Wing, but less preachy and less message oriented. The characters are all morally gray, and the central aspect is gender politics and politics in general. I love it? Because it resonates for me on a certain level. It has crisp, smart, and tough women - with whom I can identify, and interesting men. And it is focused on human relationships and motivations. It appeals to me in part because of my educational and cultural background. The fact I love the show, does tell you something about me, but it's hard to know what it is...because you can't judge people by their taste.
And I guess you can tell a lot about me - based on the mere fact that I find people's diverse reactions to the same set of data, the same story, the same characters - so incredibly fascinating.
Often more interesting than my own reaction. It just is so interesting to me that we can perceive the same thing from so many different angles, and often contradictory ones. And yet, and here's the best bit of all, against all logic, all common sense? Both be right - because the story literally can be seen both ways. And how we see it - explains why we love or hate it. I think the challenge - is to respect and embrace the diversity in opinion. To love that diversity! While at the same time, seeking comfort in the fact that there are those, even if it is a scant few that agree with us absolutely.
At any rate, loved this episode of The Good Wife. It hasn't had a bland or bad episode yet in my opinion. Your mileage may differ of course, and that is a wonderful thing. Although it continues to boggle my mind that people feel compelled to respond to glowing reviews or highly critical ones with the exact opposite point of view. Almost as if they want to remind me that my opinion is JUST my opinion and there is, shock, gasp, someone out there who completely and utterly disagrees with me! And thinks I'm dead wrong! As if I couldn't figure that out for myself. (Hmmm maybe this is why lawyers use so many qualifiers in their writing - you have no idea how long it took me to weed out the "basically", "hopefully", "possibly" et al out of my writing. Ugh.) And some of them don't stop there - they feel the need to argue the point with everyone agrees with me. Or, in lieu of that, with me - because I'm stupid enough to respond. What I want to say, and I never do, but will here, generally speaking - "honestly, how do you think someone is going to respond to you telling them that you loved something they hated or vice versa? I mean come on! Do you think you are going to persuade them to change their mind just because you liked it or hated it for that matter? I don't think so. Taste doesn't work like that. You may have liked it for the very reason they hated it. What turns one person on, may very well turn off another. Also, as close as you might be as friends, do you really think your opinion is going to change theirs? They already made up their mind. And if they are at all passionate about it - it's unlikely arguing with them about it is going to work - all you are going to do is piss them off, and well yourself in the bargain. No...the best way to change someone's mind is to figure out what pissed them off, why they absolutely hated something and try to show another perspective on it. Get at the root. Which is almost impossible to do on the internet, it's hard enough to do in person. I've only pulled it off five-ten times in the space of ten-fifteen years.
And I did by not being emotional, and purely objective - in other words, I was able to stand back from it and see both perspectives clearly...and argue both sides. If you can't argue both sides, or see both sides - there's no way you can persuade the other person to change their mind. That's the most important part - to be able to see their pov clearly, and not judge it. It's the only time it's ever worked for me and like I said, rarely. Because what I just described is a lot harder to do than it sounds. You can't argue against emotion, you have to argue with it...ie. you have to respect the emotion and address it. Not judge it, not fight it, and not condemn it. And find a way...to show them your pov without hurting them, without adding to their rage or to the emotion. I write this more as a reminder to myself ...than anyone else. To respect someone else's views even if they run counter to my own. Respect my Aunt who loves Sarah Palin, and respect my family members who love the Twilight novels - try to understand how they view it. Just as I hope they can respect my love of Buffy and Barack Obama.