The Vamp Diaries Snark Report! - The Blood Bath episode (yeah right)

[shadowkat]

We open pretty much where we left off, with Elena freaking out over Jenna becoming a vampire. But wait, Jenna hasn't sucked any blood yet - there's hope she might still die human. It's short lived, since Greta makes her suck her's. Huge mistake Greta, because when Jenna is let out of the circle again to be Klaus's next sacrifice...she makes a bee-line for Greta, just can't get enough of that witchy brew apparently. Not a bad plan - take out the pet witch. Shame it didn't work. Damon has better luck later. Speaking of Damon...

Damon is busy scolding Katherine/Katrina who fetched Jenna for Klaus. Turns out all she did was fetch her, Klaus did all the blood work so to speak. I agree with Damon - how hard would it have been for Katherine to resist and fight back? But no, Katherine chose Katherine yet again. She asks Damon to forgive her, she is what she is, telling him that his mistake is he chose love, she doesn't love...and survived, but Damon's too busy worrying about Elena forgiving him and shoves her aside. He calls Stefan and lets his brother know. (About Jenna not the werewolf bite. Damon apparently has turned over a new leaf and has become all noble. See? the Sainted act does rub off after awhile.)

Stefan upset about this turn of events, decides to try and do the same thing Damon tried to do. He's going to trade places with Jenna. Honestly, why does he think Klaus is going to go for this? Klaus went to all this trouble to get Jenna for a reason, if he wanted Stefan, he'd have gotten Stefan. Why would he trade Jenna for Stefan? Stefan and his ego. Damon actually had more of a chance - since he offered prior to Jenna being turned. But unfortunately is tainted blood. According to Katherine it has to be pure. It's a ritual thing. (Be nice if tainted blood was preferred for a change just to shake things up, but when it comes to rituals, human beings aren't all that imaginative. And yes, I know that in order for the whole metaphor to work it has to be pure - but do we really want to analyze the metaphors of vamp diaries...? )

But Saint!Stefan does it anyhow. Much to Damon's chagrin. Meanwhile, I'm rooting him on. Go Stefan!
(Silly writers are teasing me...they seriously think I'm going to buy that they'll kill off Stefan Salavator or turn Elena into a vampire or kill her? Come on. So Not gonna happen. These writers are wimps...but I digress.) Stefan self-lessly goes to Klaus and tries to talk him into killing him.
For a moment...Klaus appears to go for it. Asking poor dear noble Elena to choose between Jenna and Stefan. (Personally it would have been more interesting if Elena had to choose between Caroline and Jenna, but then Caroline would be dead about now. Elena's clearly so noble that she completely forgot about Caroline when this deal came together and may not forgive Damon for screwing up and saving Caroline from Klaus, causing poor dear Jenna or Stefan to be sacrificed instead, when clearly all they needed to do was let Bonnie do her mojo.)

Oh, right I forgot Jules, Tyler's werewolf friend. Poor Jules dies rather painfully. Jenna and Elena actually get off easy. Jules is forced to feel her insides try to rip her apart, because her transformation has been delayed, then she has her heart ripped out. Granted she wasn't the nicest gal on the planet, but still. And that would have been Tyler if it weren't for Damon (who got bit for his efforts). Another person Saint!Elena forgot.

Anyhow, just when we think that Klaus might actually kill Stefan instead, because Elena just stands there gobsmacked, Klaus laughs and stakes Stefan in the gut effectively paralyzing him. He wants Stefan alive for the next part. So no sacrifice. (Damn. So close. But no cigar. Although I'd admittedly have missed the Stefan/Damon angsting scenes...where Stefan angsts over saving Damon from the horrible death by werewolf bite. So, in retrospect, I'm actually glad he survived. Same with Elena, because again, Damon/Elena angsting scenes over death by werewolf bite...too juicy to be missed. I'm guessing the writers kept them around for the same reason - we must have werewolf death angsting scenes!). Why Klaus did this? I've no idea. Maybe he wants to turn Stefan into a hybrid or just eat him or watch him anguish over poor darling Elena? Sadistic bastard Klaus. Klaus tells Stefan - and you gotta love this line..."I like the symmetry, three female goddesses to sacrifice on the alter of my...ego??(the last part of that sentence was muffled, so no clue what he said. The actor mumbles.)." As an aside - I wonder if that's the writer's way of acknowledging the fact that they keep killing off all the subsidiary female characters? Oh for the good old days of Star Trek, when all the red shirt characters that died were men.

Meanwhile Jeremy, Alaric and John Gilbert are angsting over how to save Elena from becoming a vampire. And here we learn that vampires in Vamp Diaries don't have souls. Who knew? Or at least I think that's what we learn. It's not that clear. John Gilbert tells Jeremy that the way to save Elena from becoming a vampire and reviving her is to keep her soul intact and not let it leave - and the way to do this is the parent gives the child's its soul - in the legend told in the Gilbert Diaries (the Vampire Diaries of the Title), the mother gives her soul to the child and as a result the child survives. It makes no sense. (Jeremy and John Gilbert really shouldn't be permitted to do exposition or myth explanation scenes - leave that to the experts, Elijah and Elena or Alaric/Damon and Elena.) And for a show that usually does a good job with this stuff, it's rather...difficult to follow. At any rate - it's ex deus machina or mcGuffin that the writers pull out of their collective hats to prevent Elena from becoming a vampire. Knew they'd come up with something. (Apparently Julie Plec lies when she says anyone can die in this show.)

Damon, Bonnie and Elijah (who they are trusting because of Saint!Elena), arrive in the nick of time to kill Klaus as he is transforming. Apparently he is at his weakest at this stage..in the middle of the transformation, hence the reason they had to wait until after the curse was broken. So not as stupid a plan as it looks, except it does hinge a great deal on Elijah doing his bit. If Elijah decides to opt out? As Damon puts it - that's a big if, and confronts Elijah. Elijah swears up one side and down the other - that he wants his big bro dead because Klaus killed all of their family.
And it's sweet taste of revenge. Or he tells it to Alaric or John Gilbert, can't remember.
Bonnie has trapped Jeremy and Alaric with John Gilbert in the abandoned house, to protect them from the blood bath. (Whew - can't have these three crucial characters killed. Although Alaric is about to join Jeremy in the - I always lose the one I love club. Seriously, if you get involved with either of these two - you are dead meat. Jeremy got off this round - by losing Jenna instead, something tells me that like Elena, he's just relieved it's not Saint!Bonnie. Although, admittedly so am I. Rather like Bonnie.).

Bonnie does her bit - go Bonnie. Damon does his - snapping and thereby killing Greta, poor dear - we hardly knew her either. (So much for saving poor Luca's sister from her relationship with evil Klaus). And thus Vamp Diaries sticks to it's cred of killing off as many supporting walk-on female characters as it can possibly get away with. Let's see - Jenna, Rosemarie, Jules, Greta, Vickie, Anna, Miss Pearl, the character Gina Torres played, and Bonnie's Grannie. In this episode alone - it did three - all in one fell swoop. But don't worry, Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie survived as did Katherine. At least for now. There's always next episode.

Unfortunately, Elijah did not do his bit and as predicted in my previous post - Klaus lived to bite and claw another day. To be fair, Elijah had a good reason not to rip out Klaus' heart - Klaus told him that he knew where their family members bodies were and that they were all safe and not really dead and if Elijah killed him - he'd never find them. Elijah being the noble and trustworthy guy that he is - took Klaus by the scruff of his neck and disappeared into the flames with him at breakneck sped.(To be fair, I can't quite blame him - let's see who do I pick, the off chance my family might still be alive and to not be alone any longer? Or this new group of misfits?) Oh well. So much for that plan. Stefan, Bonnie, and Damon all curse in unison. Note? Next time we don't trust the instincts of the noble heroine no matter how sainted she may be.

But hey, not all is gloomy in Mystic Falls, Caroline and Tyler survived. Matt broke up with Caroline, can't say I blame him - who wants to date a vampire along with all the other ordinary crap he has to deal with? Matt has had a hard life. (I'm not being snarky here, he really has. He's genuinely the only character in the show that I feel sorry for - Matt struggles to make ends meet, his parents aren't present - they didn't die heroically like Elena's, they just don't care, and his sister got killed by Elena's vamp boyfriends. He's probably the only truly honest, noble, and heroic character in the whole show. And definitely the smartest for wanting not to be a part of any of this.) I also feel for poor Caroline and Tyler - who didn't want to be part of this world either - but both have far better lives or did before to some degree. Those three characters I feel sympathy for, their plight feels more real and a little less over-the-top. Although - I admittedly laughed at the scene with the werewolf leaping at Caroline and Matt behind the cage - Caroline trying to talk Matt out of shooting poor Tyler. (Actually that may be the reason Matt broke up with her - she was a bit too worried about Tyler. Personally, I prefer Tyler - he's hotter than Matt. And Matt as noble as he is written poorly. And I'm not sure the writer's know what to do with him.)

Elena comes back human (whew! I knew they were keeping John Gilbert around for a reason - although typical that it is Daddy who saves her, and Mommy who betrays her - wait is this supposed to be the big sacrifice that is so moving? Because, really not. I didn't like or care that much about John Gilbert), which means she can't hate Damon forever anymore now can she? Honestly, I've no idea what the big deal is. It's not like she didn't forgive him for snapping Jeremy's neck, compelling and biting Caroline, killing Vickie, and being an all-around menace for the first year of the series. So he made her drink his blood and angst over becoming a vampire for an entire day, big whoop. Turns out it probably saved her life. The whole reviving spell was confusing - so I'm not sure. Nah, Elena's a forgiving sort, Elijah was just playing with Damon's head. He's a 1000 years old, what else does he have to do to entertain himself? But alas, in order for Elena to revive, poor John Gilbert...falls over dead in the courtyard? The funeral we go to is Jenna's, which makes me wonder what happened to John Gilbert. Did he die? Or fall over and leave? Is he a vampire now? I'm guessing he just fell over dead. Hasta La Vista John. We barely knew you, well we knew you longer than most of the characters that died this season - so you got off easy.

Loved Damon's last scene with Stefan - who is telling Damon, well it's over now, we all have to be supportive of Elena, and be there with Elena, etc. She can't lose anyone else right now.

Damon - well, hate to disappoint, but you see, I got this pesky werewolf nip that just won't go away.
Stefan - there has to be a cure.
Damon - not that I've found. Besides we have bigger things - like tracking down Klaus and figuring out how we're going to kill a werevamp - or whatever you want to call it. Is it even possible to kill something like that.
Stefan - I can't let you die. If we could find a way to save Elena, we thought that was impossible..
Damon - not a big deal. (he's 147 according to Katrina, so actually older than Spike was when he died not that is at all relevant or anything), Just don't tell Elena, don't want her worrying over me. (awww. poor Damon. I love Damon/Stefan scenes.)

They call this a blood bath? Three people? Okay, maybe four. But all, without exception subsidiary characters that we barely see, and barely know? Some bloodbath. Poor Jenna...we hardly knew yah. And possibly John Gilbert...who just sort of fell down and then disappeared. Honestly? I didn't cry, because I didn't care.

Granted I may be a bit jaded - but still, the tv writers promised they would kill off a major character and ...I'm not seeing it. Lame. Stop teasing me, you stupid writers. Bloodthirsty viewer here! [And no, I don't believe for one second they will kill off Damon. That would be dumb. Stefan and Elena just aren't that interesting on their own (if you don't believe me re-watch the first five episodes of S1). We need the sarcastic character who tells everyone they are idiots...or the show falls irretrievably into campy melodrama. Granted they could always introduce a new snarky character, but why go to all the effort?]

I was right about my predictions more or less...Jenna, John, Jules and Greta. Just thought there'd be more. Sort of hoping for either Bonnie or Jeremy just for a heightened angst factor. But no, instead they are going to tease me with Damon's death. Like I buy that for one second. Hello. Stefan's right - if they can figure out a way to save Elena from becoming a vampire - which apparently is a fate worse than...well death for Sainted!Elena (Damon even promises to stake her if she comes back a vampire - honestly how could he tell, I couldn't tell - looks the same to me) - I mean it's not worse for Jenna or Caroline (who Elena is partially responsible for turning to a vampire.) I get why John Gilbert goes out of his way to stop it and sacrifices himself, because he's spent his life hunting them and hates them (except of course for his odd relationship with Isabell and Katherine...but not everyone else).

Very happy to be done with the big ritual episode and the whole angsting over becoming a vampire because of Damon crap - which made no sense to me and did not work. Next week's episode and I think the season finale, not positive, looks to be a lot more fun. Although will state...killing off Damon is probably not a good idea, because then Vamp Diaries stops being fun and goes back to just being well Dawson's Creek with fangs.

Overall rating - B-

Comments

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

Well... this wasn't the finale. Granted, it was "the sacrifice" but there's one more episode to go so there's still more to be eliminated. I suspect that Klaus and Elijah might make an appearance among all of Damon's angsty business.

Well,

[hankat.livejournal.com]

There was blood... and taking into consideration spillage you could salvage enough to put into a kitchen sink and have enough to bathe a small dog, but blood. John died (his life for Elena's) and Damon indicated he convinced the local grave diggers to clean up the mess.

So do you think anyone will die next week?

Rufus

Re: Well,

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Maybe a big cat. ;-) (Seriously, yes blood, but not as big a deal as last year's blood bath - where they killed off much more interesting characters. Jenna, Jules, John and Greta - let's face it, were barely there.)

I doubt they'll kill anyone off next week. What they'll most likely do is threaten mightily that they are about to kill someone off --- only to chicken out during the first episode of next season.

Or...they'll kill off another subsidiary character in a majorly melodramatic way (such as say Katherine or Jeremy or Alaric...)

Thanks on the clarification of John being dead, wasn't sure if Damon was stating he'd asked the gravediggers to clean up Jenna, Jules, and Greta - or John.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Actually that may be the reason Matt broke up with her - she was a bit too worried about Tyler. Personally, I prefer Tyler - he's hotter than Matt. And Matt as noble as he is written poorly. And I'm not sure the writer's know what to do with him.)

This. It's why I prefer Caroline/Tyler by a smidge.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, feel the same way. A smidge.

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

That was me.