(no subject)
Mar. 6th, 2012 10:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatI deleted the last post, but will attempt to recapture this bit from it, because I've decided it is important.
This should go without saying, but I will say it anyway.
LIVE JOURNAL IS NOT A PUBLIC FORUM!
What it is, with the exception of group journals or communities such as fandomlawyers or metafandom which are clearly their own separate thing, is a series of interlocking personal journals. I call it my correspondence club. But it's not really correspondence. It is a group of personal journals that interact with each other. When you read someone's journal it is like reading their correspondence and they are trusting you with that correspondence. It's not a fan discussion board. It's not like whedonesque or buffyforums or yahoogroups. But personal journals containing people's personal thoughts, often things they may not be sharing with anyone else.
When you enter someone else's journal either to read it or to respond, you are entering their domain. They do not have to let you read it. They can lock it, they can filter it, they can make it private at any time. The fact you are reading this post for example is an act of trust on my part. I deleted my last post. I can delete this one at any time. I can flock it. I can make it private. I can edit it. It is my journal, I have that ability. If this post was on a fanboard - I'd have to get a moderator to do it. And they most likely would ignore me.
So the very fact that you see this post is an act of trust on my part. I'm TRUSTING you enough to share my personal thoughts with you. I am trusting you NOT to hurt me. Not to insult me. Not to humiliate me. That's a gift. And I do not know about you, but trust does not come easily for me. Trust is important to me. I am careful with it.
Also I do not have to let you comment. I can turn off comments. I can filter them.
I can screen them. I can disallow them. I can ensure that I never see them. I can delete them at will. I can also ignore them. I do not have to respond. A lot of professional writers such as Neil Gaiman never respond to comments. Perhaps that is wise. It is hard to respond to comments. It is also sometimes hard to read them. But we all want them, otherwise we would not be here. I want to hear your thoughts, I want to connect to you. But I do not want to be insulted, embarrassed or attacked in my journal.
When you comment to someone's journal - the person who owns the journal sees all the comments. They usually will get them emailed to them. They may see them in an inbox.
So unlike someone else on the thread who has to work to look at the comments, the owner of the journal sees them. It is also their journal you are commenting in. Their home. They are trusting you to respect them and others in that home.
Their live journal is about them NOT you. It is a place to post THEIR personal hopes, dreams, wishes, fears, furies, pains, woes, anxieties. To rant or rave at their heart's content. To scream at a writer or fictional character or politician or bullying boss who is driving them insane at the moment. They may change their mind tomorrow, but right now - they need to vent. And they are sharing those stories with you. That is an act of trust. The ability to share pain and love with another. And while it is more than okay to commiserate, inform, support, confide, share, and even gently suggest corrections or provide alternate views for much deeper discussion, or even to mildly disagree - it is NOT okay to insult or attack someone in their own livejournal. I do not care what your righteous cause is or how righteous it may appear to be to you, I do not care if you are absolutely right and they are absolutely wrong - to attack someone else in their space, humiliate them, and embarrass them, makes their journal suddenly all about you, not them. You, a guest, in their home - have verbally assaulted them in their own house. And I'm sorry, but that is quite simply RUDE.
I reserve the right to rant or rave about XYZ without filters. I will however put it under a cut-tag with warnings, so you can scroll on by and not have to read it. I will give you the choice to read or not to read. I trust you enough to be able to make that decision. Without having to work to filter you out. I am treating you like an adult. And trusting you NOT to attack me. I have 0 tolerance for anyone attacking or insulting me in my own journal.
This is my home. I am trusting you as you are trusting me in your homes. Trust is a fragile thing.
* Please keep in mind when responding to this post, that I have been struggling with a mental and emotional depression since January...and this week for reasons I will not elaborate on here, is difficult for me.
This should go without saying, but I will say it anyway.
LIVE JOURNAL IS NOT A PUBLIC FORUM!
What it is, with the exception of group journals or communities such as fandomlawyers or metafandom which are clearly their own separate thing, is a series of interlocking personal journals. I call it my correspondence club. But it's not really correspondence. It is a group of personal journals that interact with each other. When you read someone's journal it is like reading their correspondence and they are trusting you with that correspondence. It's not a fan discussion board. It's not like whedonesque or buffyforums or yahoogroups. But personal journals containing people's personal thoughts, often things they may not be sharing with anyone else.
When you enter someone else's journal either to read it or to respond, you are entering their domain. They do not have to let you read it. They can lock it, they can filter it, they can make it private at any time. The fact you are reading this post for example is an act of trust on my part. I deleted my last post. I can delete this one at any time. I can flock it. I can make it private. I can edit it. It is my journal, I have that ability. If this post was on a fanboard - I'd have to get a moderator to do it. And they most likely would ignore me.
So the very fact that you see this post is an act of trust on my part. I'm TRUSTING you enough to share my personal thoughts with you. I am trusting you NOT to hurt me. Not to insult me. Not to humiliate me. That's a gift. And I do not know about you, but trust does not come easily for me. Trust is important to me. I am careful with it.
Also I do not have to let you comment. I can turn off comments. I can filter them.
I can screen them. I can disallow them. I can ensure that I never see them. I can delete them at will. I can also ignore them. I do not have to respond. A lot of professional writers such as Neil Gaiman never respond to comments. Perhaps that is wise. It is hard to respond to comments. It is also sometimes hard to read them. But we all want them, otherwise we would not be here. I want to hear your thoughts, I want to connect to you. But I do not want to be insulted, embarrassed or attacked in my journal.
When you comment to someone's journal - the person who owns the journal sees all the comments. They usually will get them emailed to them. They may see them in an inbox.
So unlike someone else on the thread who has to work to look at the comments, the owner of the journal sees them. It is also their journal you are commenting in. Their home. They are trusting you to respect them and others in that home.
Their live journal is about them NOT you. It is a place to post THEIR personal hopes, dreams, wishes, fears, furies, pains, woes, anxieties. To rant or rave at their heart's content. To scream at a writer or fictional character or politician or bullying boss who is driving them insane at the moment. They may change their mind tomorrow, but right now - they need to vent. And they are sharing those stories with you. That is an act of trust. The ability to share pain and love with another. And while it is more than okay to commiserate, inform, support, confide, share, and even gently suggest corrections or provide alternate views for much deeper discussion, or even to mildly disagree - it is NOT okay to insult or attack someone in their own livejournal. I do not care what your righteous cause is or how righteous it may appear to be to you, I do not care if you are absolutely right and they are absolutely wrong - to attack someone else in their space, humiliate them, and embarrass them, makes their journal suddenly all about you, not them. You, a guest, in their home - have verbally assaulted them in their own house. And I'm sorry, but that is quite simply RUDE.
I reserve the right to rant or rave about XYZ without filters. I will however put it under a cut-tag with warnings, so you can scroll on by and not have to read it. I will give you the choice to read or not to read. I trust you enough to be able to make that decision. Without having to work to filter you out. I am treating you like an adult. And trusting you NOT to attack me. I have 0 tolerance for anyone attacking or insulting me in my own journal.
This is my home. I am trusting you as you are trusting me in your homes. Trust is a fragile thing.
* Please keep in mind when responding to this post, that I have been struggling with a mental and emotional depression since January...and this week for reasons I will not elaborate on here, is difficult for me.
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 02:44 am (UTC)I feel terrible that something happened where you felt attacked, and I'm really glad that you banned them... you should never have to put up with stuff like for a second.
Heck, there are strangers I play a game with on facebook that I de-friend instantly if they post anything that seems misogynistic (ie things that support Rush Limbaugh)... obviously they can post anything they want to their facebook page, but I don't want to see it and I won't play (silly game called Vampire Wars, don't ask... LOL) with them. Which of course has nothing to do with the much greater offense of someone coming to your lj and insulting you!
{{hugs}}
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 03:17 am (UTC)Oh please, no worries. You've been fine. I'm annoying too. No one that I've friended and is still there has given me cause to de-friend them. Ever. And I've had drop-down, drag-out fights with at least two-three people who are still on my friends list and we were both to blame, I forgave them, they forgave me. We read each other's blogs, the personal stuff, not just the fandom crap, and we let it go.
By the way, you need to read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, you'll cry but...oh my god, these characters...and it is so relatable.
On the situation in which I felt attacked, I did give them the benefit of the doubt. I always do. I wait. I warn. Then I give up. Out they go.
You saw it happen once actually - remember that thread about Charisma, we were gossiping, someone I didn't know popped in and attacked us, then brought their friends? I had to delete the entire thread and ban the nitwits from my journal. Seriously, why do people feel the need to do this??? It's exhausting.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 03:45 am (UTC)but jeez, they felt the need to attack you AND brought friends?!
There are a lot of crazy people online.
I've made a note of John Green's 'The Fault in Our Stars'.... Right now I'm reading 'Going Solo' (see my lj), and next I'm reading 'Girl who played with Fire'... AND I've requested some Minette Walters from the library (you recommended her, didn't you?). Some how I never run out of books to read! LOL
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 03:17 pm (UTC)That's the problem with being the host. You can't leave your own house. ;-) You have three options: ignore (which didn't work - they brought friends who piled on), warn (didn't work either), delete (they kept coming back),
ban...
it isn't like I've ever been emotionally invested in her or Cordelia)....
but jeez, they felt the need to attack you AND brought friends?!
Well, they apparently felt about Charisma the same way people feel about Whedon and Marsters,(I've been invaded by Whedon fans from whedonesque in pretty much the same way - in regards to a review I did about Dollhouse) and appointed themselves her personal internet protectors - to expunge all possible negative rumors or gossip wherever it may be found.
(Seriously, CC doesn't care what I write in my journal, she's completely oblivious, any more than Whedon, Gellar, Noxon or various others do. LJ isn't like Facebook and Twitter, it's a rather low-profile platform that few people know about, well, unless you reside in Russia. It's really not as public as fans think. It's very low profile. It's not like I was posting an article in the National Enquirer or on Whedonesque. ) It felt like being attacked by verbal mosquitos. Lots of verbal slashes.
Not pleasant. And highly annoying, since I'm somewhat ambivalent about the actress and character and not emotionally invested one way or another.
More than once - I've had insane fans mistake my livejournal for "whedonesque" or some big fan board that will influence millions. Uh, no, people. I only have 100 readers, people, if that. And only 50% of them care about the Buffy fandom. Let's put things in perspective, people.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 04:52 pm (UTC)In fact Whedonesque (which is pretty darn public and things can get picked up by Variety from there occasionally) will ban (or suspend membership if you are just an ignorant newbie) for less than what you describe.
I guess there are people who troll online to 'protect' their favorite stars... but that is crazy behavior. I've seen it done when a discussion on a board gets onto one of the 'social issues' and it is amazing how these fundamentalists will come out of nowhere to support each other (and attack viciously any one who dares to say a word against them). But they don't get much traction at Whedonesque because it isn't that easy to join(!).
That is part of the problem, it is easy to join lj and most of us (like you) have allowed our posts to be public. So all the more reason to ban or block strangers who come in and behave badly! You have to protect yourself (in my opinion).
Oh news flash: Danny Strong is on MSNBC right this instant! He wrote the screen play for 'Game Change' and is discussing how sympathetic he really did feel toward Sara Palin because there was no way she could have been prepared....
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 12:55 am (UTC)I just got your birthday card. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. I love your homemade cards - they are a lot better than what you find in a store and far more unique.
And I've read that Danny Strong's Game Change is getting good reviews.
EW liked it, as did NY Times. I didn't realize he wrote it. He's become a fairly decent script writer. A lot of actors are becoming screen-writers and directors right now.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 01:07 am (UTC)I'm really glad he is having success as a screen writer because I recall his sounding very insecure about his future as an actor when I saw him at a Buffy Convention Q&A session.
And thanks! I'm glad you like the card (and I'm glad it arrived in time).
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 01:33 am (UTC)And weird. I feel for actors. Very few are secure.
I have the book Game Change - it's actually better, because the HBO flick only focuses on the McCain/Palin campaign, while Game Change - the non-fiction book - focuses on the Obama, Clinton, Edwards, McCain, etc campaigns. My father read it first and gave me the low-down. So I got it for Kindle, haven't read much yet, but the first chapter is behind the scenes at the Clinton campaign.
Yes, thanks, the card arrived in the nick of time.