Musing on livejournal and other things...
Mar. 7th, 2012 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatSo I bought an early birthday gift for myself. Two actually. Went to Best Buy and got
the first season of Game of Thrones for 29.99 (list price is 49.99) and the sixth season of Doctor Who for 38.99 (which is a deal since they tried to charge me $59.99 for it. And I politely told them that the package said $38.99. Which worked. Yay me. Since I wouldn't have bought it for $59.99. I came thisclose to buying the Wire S3 for 29.99 instead. But decided I wanted something lighter and more fun.) So sue me, my favorite season of Doctor Who is Season 6. I think I'm in the minority on this one.
Life is hard, isn't it? And not fair. And it hurts. And people...sigh...I love people but they drive me crazy. I have a job in which I deal with difficult people. They scream at me. Call me bad names. And often will be short or annoying. I've learned over time not to take it personally. It's not. But it is hard. Hard not to be paranoid when someone seems cold to you. You have to remind yourself they are just socially awkward. Or have shit they are dealing with. I've learned over time to look behind the lines. Between the words. To question everything. And take nothing at face value. People are complicated. And we are all so different. So unique. We can't generalize and yet we all do, and it is the biggest flaw in our thinking and how we get in trouble. How we hurt ourselves and others.
Two things happened this week that brought this home. One was a discussion with my boss about my tremor. My boss is African-American. I told him about my tremor and he said he wished he'd known about this. He said and this is key I think, that often people generalize about things out of ignorance and ignorance is the lack of information. We jump to conclusions.
Human beings struggle with their bodies. And our bodies are different. Some of us are more tightly wired than others. Some more physical. Some more cereberal. Some struggle with flucuations in body chemistry such as severe depression. Online there is so little we know about each other. We don't know why our friends rage. Why they get upset.
For example -
There's no way you can know that I'm struggling with hormonal fluctuations, a job that is driving me crazy at the moment, fear of not making new friends in a city that seems to be constantly changing, fear that nothing will change for the better, fear of losing things, or fear that I can't get ahead in my job and deep encompassing guilt for feeling any of these things because I know I have it so much better than so many others. To understand, you'd have to be inside me.You'd have to walk to the subway at 6:55 am each morning. Have to go through the panic attack that you lost the id that provides free passage on a portion of the commute. Have to see the changes, from affluent white middle class nieghborhood to lower class and working class to poverty stricken neighborhood. I go from a world of middle to upper middle class white affluence to one of lower minority poverty. It's painful to see every day. Like a raw wound that festers. And you can't quite heal. You'd have to know what it is like to have stomach cramps most mornings. To fall asleep on the train while reading a book. To stumble into work, bleary eyed, riding the elevator with the local crazies, and I mean literally. And sit in a cubical that as my boss put it might as well be in Times Square. To block out the noise and conversation, I plug myself in to the ipod and check my internet email - my lj email, praying for a few good responses to take me out of myself, my life for five minutes. To provide the illusion that I have people who give a shit about me. Who care. To understand another person, my Granny used to say, you have to walk a mile in her moccasins. She meant it sort of literally.
To see and understand another person's pain requires leaving yourself behind for a bit. And that is hard.
The other thing that made me realize generalizations hurt, was a post on the internet that resulted in what can best be described as a kerfuffle. I've been on the net almost ten years, and every kerfuffle I've seen is the result of generalizations.
We make them. We all do. It's stupid. We know it. But it is our hamarita. Our flaw.
Fatal and devastating. Our wars are based on stupid generalizations. And assumptions made from them. Ignorance. Faulty information. In the information age - we are still, possibly more so the victims of faulty information. I've made so many mistakes online, I am amazed I still have readers. I've deleted so many posts in anger and embarrassment it amazes me that you still put up with me. When I see someone else..who has done the same thing, my heart goes out to them, because been there done that, one too many times. Screamed in rage and regretted it. Delete. Delete. Damn there are comments. Delete. Delete. Damn an apology? What to say? Maybe they'll forgive me? And the ones who care, who know, have. And in return I forgive them their infractions, because we are all human after all and we screw up. We are not perfect.We are works in progress. I love the livejournals that state I'm a work in progress, because aren't we all. We stay one until we die.
Most of the people who have been on my flist since 2001, know me pretty well. They've seen me almost lose my mind on more than one occasion and they saved me a few times as well. Most notably in 2004 and again in 2005. We are not pixels. We may not know each other's names. But we do know things...that many in our extended lives do not.
And knowing those things...I think, let's us shrug off the rages and rants we all engage in. Because life at times requires a rant, a verbal punch, a verbal valkarie scream against some innocuous group such as say Republicans, Democrats, Tories, Spuffy or Bangle shippers. To laugh about later.
I am constantly reminded not to generalize. I am constantly reminded of my errors. And I am constantly reminded that I can be a bitch, that I am not necessarily nice and often nasty. I try not to be. Each new day grants me a chance to do better than the day before. To try not to make the same mistake again. And to pray that there will be people who will catch me when I fall, because folks, I'm fully aware that I'm not operating with net. None of us are.
the first season of Game of Thrones for 29.99 (list price is 49.99) and the sixth season of Doctor Who for 38.99 (which is a deal since they tried to charge me $59.99 for it. And I politely told them that the package said $38.99. Which worked. Yay me. Since I wouldn't have bought it for $59.99. I came thisclose to buying the Wire S3 for 29.99 instead. But decided I wanted something lighter and more fun.) So sue me, my favorite season of Doctor Who is Season 6. I think I'm in the minority on this one.
Life is hard, isn't it? And not fair. And it hurts. And people...sigh...I love people but they drive me crazy. I have a job in which I deal with difficult people. They scream at me. Call me bad names. And often will be short or annoying. I've learned over time not to take it personally. It's not. But it is hard. Hard not to be paranoid when someone seems cold to you. You have to remind yourself they are just socially awkward. Or have shit they are dealing with. I've learned over time to look behind the lines. Between the words. To question everything. And take nothing at face value. People are complicated. And we are all so different. So unique. We can't generalize and yet we all do, and it is the biggest flaw in our thinking and how we get in trouble. How we hurt ourselves and others.
Two things happened this week that brought this home. One was a discussion with my boss about my tremor. My boss is African-American. I told him about my tremor and he said he wished he'd known about this. He said and this is key I think, that often people generalize about things out of ignorance and ignorance is the lack of information. We jump to conclusions.
Human beings struggle with their bodies. And our bodies are different. Some of us are more tightly wired than others. Some more physical. Some more cereberal. Some struggle with flucuations in body chemistry such as severe depression. Online there is so little we know about each other. We don't know why our friends rage. Why they get upset.
For example -
There's no way you can know that I'm struggling with hormonal fluctuations, a job that is driving me crazy at the moment, fear of not making new friends in a city that seems to be constantly changing, fear that nothing will change for the better, fear of losing things, or fear that I can't get ahead in my job and deep encompassing guilt for feeling any of these things because I know I have it so much better than so many others. To understand, you'd have to be inside me.You'd have to walk to the subway at 6:55 am each morning. Have to go through the panic attack that you lost the id that provides free passage on a portion of the commute. Have to see the changes, from affluent white middle class nieghborhood to lower class and working class to poverty stricken neighborhood. I go from a world of middle to upper middle class white affluence to one of lower minority poverty. It's painful to see every day. Like a raw wound that festers. And you can't quite heal. You'd have to know what it is like to have stomach cramps most mornings. To fall asleep on the train while reading a book. To stumble into work, bleary eyed, riding the elevator with the local crazies, and I mean literally. And sit in a cubical that as my boss put it might as well be in Times Square. To block out the noise and conversation, I plug myself in to the ipod and check my internet email - my lj email, praying for a few good responses to take me out of myself, my life for five minutes. To provide the illusion that I have people who give a shit about me. Who care. To understand another person, my Granny used to say, you have to walk a mile in her moccasins. She meant it sort of literally.
To see and understand another person's pain requires leaving yourself behind for a bit. And that is hard.
The other thing that made me realize generalizations hurt, was a post on the internet that resulted in what can best be described as a kerfuffle. I've been on the net almost ten years, and every kerfuffle I've seen is the result of generalizations.
We make them. We all do. It's stupid. We know it. But it is our hamarita. Our flaw.
Fatal and devastating. Our wars are based on stupid generalizations. And assumptions made from them. Ignorance. Faulty information. In the information age - we are still, possibly more so the victims of faulty information. I've made so many mistakes online, I am amazed I still have readers. I've deleted so many posts in anger and embarrassment it amazes me that you still put up with me. When I see someone else..who has done the same thing, my heart goes out to them, because been there done that, one too many times. Screamed in rage and regretted it. Delete. Delete. Damn there are comments. Delete. Delete. Damn an apology? What to say? Maybe they'll forgive me? And the ones who care, who know, have. And in return I forgive them their infractions, because we are all human after all and we screw up. We are not perfect.We are works in progress. I love the livejournals that state I'm a work in progress, because aren't we all. We stay one until we die.
Most of the people who have been on my flist since 2001, know me pretty well. They've seen me almost lose my mind on more than one occasion and they saved me a few times as well. Most notably in 2004 and again in 2005. We are not pixels. We may not know each other's names. But we do know things...that many in our extended lives do not.
And knowing those things...I think, let's us shrug off the rages and rants we all engage in. Because life at times requires a rant, a verbal punch, a verbal valkarie scream against some innocuous group such as say Republicans, Democrats, Tories, Spuffy or Bangle shippers. To laugh about later.
I am constantly reminded not to generalize. I am constantly reminded of my errors. And I am constantly reminded that I can be a bitch, that I am not necessarily nice and often nasty. I try not to be. Each new day grants me a chance to do better than the day before. To try not to make the same mistake again. And to pray that there will be people who will catch me when I fall, because folks, I'm fully aware that I'm not operating with net. None of us are.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 02:33 am (UTC)it is always good to know that you have something that will really help you relax and forget about a bad day!
And I hope that the bad days are fewer {{hugs}}
And are there Tories here online? ;)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 02:37 am (UTC)ROFL!! I don't know to be honest. But they may be lurking out there somewhere... There's a lot of Brits on my flist. Always pays to be careful. Although if there aren't...easy scapegoat!!!
(Since the Republicans, Democrats, Bangels and Spuffy shippers are definitely on my flist..shhh..let's not wake them. They are persnickety.)
And thanks. Speaking of...do you fancy owning a DVD of Doctor Who part one of S6? I have part one of S6, it's just the episodes, nothing fancy.
And have no clue what to do with it.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 03:07 am (UTC)My favorites are S4 and S5.
Will try to get it off to you sometime this month or next. Consider it a late birthday gift.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-08 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 03:56 am (UTC)From a fellow work in progress.
Jen