Spontaneous Musings

Somewhat bummed today. Work. My Dad hurt his back severly on Sat night and I'm worried about him, but can't do a thing to help him. He's on more pills at the moment than I can count, back pain meds, heart meds, cholestrol, prostrate...sigh. Is it just me or does life just get more frustrating as one gets older? Childhood is wasted on the young. Not that I'd necessarily want to relive those years...but I do miss having a body that works that well and parents who are young. Problem with growing olders is everyone else who is older than you, does too.

Anywho...Five positive things:

1. Gotta job and am not afraid of being laid-off, with cool boss
2. Found a yellow shirt and a black sweater that fit over it, sure I looked like a bee in it or was wearing "bee" colors...but what the hey
3. the season finale of House was repeated tonight, so did not miss it. Yay! The simple pleasures you know. Always the simple pleasures.
4. The weather is cooler and it has stopped raining
5. Tomorrow is bound to be better...(actually not sure that counts, how about didn't get wet on the way to work? Nah. Or...had a yummy Chai Tea Frappacino?)

I just wrote a long bit on the difficulties of communication but the lj monster wouldn't let me post it. Perhaps for the best.

At any rate deleted the tv bit because it occurred to me that some of my comments may not be taken in the spirit in which they were meant. What I find funny, is not always considered funny by someone else. And it occurs to me that words can be perceived in more than one way - which is why it can be so hard to communicate at times. I've spent my life figuring out the meaning of words in the context in which they are presented - often because I don't hear or mishear them. So it's a bit of the old - fill in the missing word in this sentence. So am an expert at contextual meaning. For me - the word's meaning in context is more important than it's dictionary definition. But I know that is not true for everyone.

Some words are like bullets. Using them is akin to hitting someone or a physical assault.
Words such as Fuck, Faggot, Cunt, Bitch...all come to mind. Even though I've heard them used in contexts that are not meant to wound. It's rare.

Other's it depends on how or what you do with them. Presentationg. If you capitalize them all such TAKE MY...it feels like screaming, or can be condescending.

And other's frustratingly brief - I'm sad today. (How are you sad?)

Some push our buttons. Insecure. Passive-Agressive. Narcissitic. Bad-boy. Rapist.
Victim.

And still others...are perfectly fine, it all depends on what words you put them with.
Syntax.

Sometimes I'll use the wrong word deliberately in my writing because of how it sounds, how it pushes things in an interesting direction - even if it changes the meaning in a way that may not be true to how I feel or what really happened. Is that lying I wonder?
Lying for art?

Online - if I had a dollar for every time I overreacted to someone's post or response to my post, or the tone they used - I'd be a rich woman. If I had a dollar for every time someone overreacted or misunderstood something I wrote? Richer still. It's so easy to misunderstand, misread, mishear tone. Snark does not come across well online - always.
Makes me want an icon - "I'm teasing" or "I'm kidding". And I edit my snark a lot. The number of snarky posts I've deleted? Whew.

I can't help but wonder if I wrote more carefully. Thought before I hammered out a post, re-read it a couple of times before pushing that button - how many disagreements and battles I'd have avoided? How many posts I would not have felt the need to delet after the fact? Course then they'd hardly be spontaneous.

Can't decide what is more embarrassing about my own mistakes in miscommunication - the fact you have seen them and watched me attempt to hide them, or the fact that I made them? I want to be perfect - but I'm not. I make mistakes. And I know everyone does. I've been online long enough to know I'm not unique in that. Just that we do it differently.

I don't know...I just yammer here. Write. Play with words. Often without thinking how someone reading them may respond to them. It's not that I don't know you are reading or for that matter aren't writing with you in mind - of course I am. So much that I get caught up in my own cleverness, my own love of my own writing - often putting a word in that shouldn't or stating a phrase because I like how it sounds to my ear. I like how it reads. It's not until much later that I realize upon re-reading that it may be interpreted in a way I never intended. A way that might harm the reader or myself. And I'll delete fast as I can.

Communicating...I seem to be spending my life attempting to perfect the skill. Yet, I still keep falling down...the proverbial hill. (Sigh - and here's a perfect example of using the wrong words because I like the sound of them. )