shadowkat | Falling down the hill again

I got the rejection letter from that last interview today. "I was extreemly impressed with the caliber of applicants thus making the decision a difficult one. Unfortunately, I have chosen another applicant to fill the position." At least it's a nice rejection letter. Heck at least I got a letter and fast too. Usually they don't respond at all. Be thankful for small favors. I know, I know - it's not the right position, I'll get another better one...yadda yadda yadda. But for some reason I just feel as if someone has once again punched me in the gut just as I was coming over the crest of that hill and I'm rolling head over heels backwards again.

Underneath it was a letter from the evil company informing me that my Cobra insurance bill went up by $33. Okay let's see: rent went up $50, electric
went up $30, cable went up $10, phone $10, dial-up seems to be getting slower and slower...but can't afford a faster service right now.

What do I do? To get a little comfort? Rent a movie? Nah. I buy brownie mix. Spend money I don't have on brownie mix. Well it wasn't that much - only $3, actually cheaper than renting a movie, but still. Brownie mix and mint chocolat chip frosting to go on top of it.

I feel a bit like Sissyphus who has once again fallen down that hill. Cried for an hour. Caught somewhere between an anxiety attack and a depression. And wondering if there really is a light at the end of this tunnel or a top to the hill. It's been over 14 months now. Not counting the interviews and hunting I did while at the evil company. I feel embarrassed, angry, anxious, and I just feel this overwhelming urge to scream at the top of my lungs - GO FUCK YOURSELF WORLD! I don't of course. That would be uncivilized.

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I know you've heard it all before - that you will get a job, that things will get better. So consider that said and let me add that you need to be nice to yourself. The world is in the process of giving you a fair number of kicks so if you need to scream, scream, if you want to eat whatever, spend on things you don't need, just do it. Look after yourself and know that lots of people are sending you good thoughts.

I've found it's very helpful to hit things when I'm horribly frustrated and depressed. I have a punching bag just for that purpose. And chocolate is very theraputic, but much cheaper than therapy.

I wish there were something I could do. All I can think of is give you my e-mail address in case you ever want to vent: sclanton6@msn.com. Profanity is okay. ;)

*hugs*

I know it's not much, but if there are any books you want, I'll check the store for them and ship some to you.

S'kat: This medium which you have written about allows me to learn about you. I don't know you except through these postings and writings, which I admire and enjoy. But in some ways, because of your sharing, I do feel I know you a little. So I am thinking of you. You have shared yourself with us and for that I can only say thank you. Enjoy the brownies with the frosting on top. Have a big piece too!

Ann

Oh thank you! You're so sweet.

And it is a tempting offer...very tempting. I'd love War and Peace by Tolestoy, Mayor of Casterbridge by Hardy,
Handful of Dust by Waugh...and fun fantasy books like Sunshine by McKinley...but I don't want to put anyone out. It's expensive to ship books.

Hey SK, I need your email address. Can you email me so I have it? My addresses are on my userinfor page!

I shall go forth and look for them today ^_^. Employee discounts are handy.

'Kat:

You will get through this. We all wish we could shoulder some of your burden, but we can't. We can only let you know much we care, and hope that is some small comfort.

J.

Oh I know that. I'm just venting...it's either that or lose my mind, you know.

Writing is my way of dealing with it. Once I write it out. I feel better.

I just received your gift certificate, Rah. Thank you so much! It's such a lovely gesture and really made me smile. I only wish I could do something for you in return.

I hope you are well. And I really hope you do well at your interview. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to have to give an oral presentation. Fingers crossed!

So sorry. I know how horrible that feels, and may be that screaming is the best thing to do! But when you're done, know that a lot of us out here see a lot of value in your mind and abilities, and are sure that the right job is out there for you.

And remember that the interviewer might have made a big mistake in not hiring you--could have been what's wrong with them, not what's wrong with you. But I know that doesn't help pay the bills.

Read, hopefully enjoy, and review!

Thanks for the luck. Am nervous but what the hell, eh?

Hi! I couldn't find your email address...

But I got you some books ^_^. Could you email your address to me at mervinthefrog at yahoo.com?

Falling down the hill again

Sending hugs and imaginary brownies

Sending more hugs

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DVD sets and apple cider w/grand marnier at the ready

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