Day #330 - Struggling with Focus
Feb. 12th, 2021 05:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatAlthough I did get everything I needed to get done today, done. So there's that at least. Food order finally came and got unpacked, and they gave me carrots for some reason. (I'm not found of carrots. Although I suppose I could put them in a soup at some point.) Every time I get the food order - they put stuff in that I didn't order - it's very odd. I like Foodkick slightly better, they don't do that. But, they are also much more expensive.
Weather is kind of cold and dreary, with another storm on the way. I've been trying to ignore the Impeachment Hearings, but I keep checking twitter - which is talking about it as it happens, and of course I discussed it briefly with mother. Mother tells me things that piss me off - such as : "If people want to or choose to believe the Republican's spin on this and decide to ignore the rest, they kind of can."
Me: We can choose what to believe in this world. True. But our choices speak to our central character and who we are. If we choose to believe someone like Trump or his lawyers, all evidence to the contrary, and after what they've done. Than that speaks to our central character.
[My difficulty is I know she's right - people will believe whatever suits them. Not often what is true, but what suits their world-view or agenda.]
My mother is liberal. But she lives in South Carolina, and it's not.
Meanwhile I'm kind of lurking on twitter - regarding the whole "Whedon" melt down. It's kind of like watching a boulder roll down hill and pick up stuff as it goes. Let's see how many folks jump on board. To date - half the Buffy cast and now three of the writers (Mere Smith - Angel, Marti Noxon - Buffy, and Jose Molina - Firefly).
Marsters recently posted his support, only to have three annoying fans bring up the song he wrote back in 2003 about Trachenberg. It was just a song - he never dated her, and it was to gently turn her down. People overreacted - which is a problem, they don't realize that this sort of reaction makes it difficult for other abuse to be reported and taken seriously. That's the problem with the mis-information age and social media - is this tendency. My other issue with their reaction? The hypocrisy. They were watching and fans of a show that featured a romance between a sixteen year old girl and a man who was very old and a vampire. David Boreanze was 26 years of age, and Gellar was 17 or 18 when Buffy started. They had kissing scenes. And she was portrayed as 16. She slept with Angel at 17. People loved that relationship. Also I saw Spike/Dawn fanfic and fanfic with an adult human Spike and a 16 year old Buffy. If fans could write that - what is wrong with a man writing a song to put off a girl who has a crush on him? He's admitting that she's attractive, but he won't go there - she's like a little sister to him. We need to be careful on how we judge others or we'll find ourselves equally judged. The Universe likes to put us on the opposite side of every argument.
I'm trying to be kind, but people keep pissing me off. I restrained myself from responding to these idiots - he doesn't need me to defend him, he can defend himself, and just liked the person who defended him - post instead.
Twitter is kind of social media on speed. Moves fast and people pile on.
Nick Brendan hasn't posted anything - because his partner has taken over his account after he fell on some ice and seriously injured his back. He can't sit up.
Marti Noxon just tweeted her support of the women who spoke up.
NOX NOX WHO’S WEARING A MASK? -martinoxon
I would like to validate what the women of Buffy are saying
and support them in telling their story. They deserve to be heard.
I understand whereallcharisma
, Amber, Michelle and all
the women who have spoken out are coming from.
Kater Gordon and I 1/2
And... How the The TV Industry Can Better Protect Writers From the Next Toxic Showrunner
Oh and...we now have Firefly...
Jose Molina -josemolinatv
"Casually cruel" is a perfect way of describing Joss. He thought being mean was funny. Making female writers cry during a notes session was especially hysterical. He actually liked to boast about the time he made one writer cry twice in one meeting.
The Whedon Studies Association is struggling to rebrand itself. And the Whedonverse has now become the Buffyverse and Beyond.
I was talking to mother today about this, and why it was distracting me so much. At the same time that all of this was going on the set of Buffy and Angel, I was struggling to stay sane in a toxic work environment. I escaped to Buffy to cope with it. The Buffy fandom got me through it. I wrote hundreds of essays about Buffy while at that work place - partly as a means of striking out at it, and dealing with the toxic environment. Also as a means of finding some solace. A Buffy fan (who was a navy nurse in Japan) sent me flowers with a lemon inside - and the quote - written by Jane Espenson - "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". She sent them to me the day I quit my job. We met on the ATPOBTVS Board, and had developed a correspondence. Writing long letters to each other - supporting one another, for she was also in a toxic work environment. We both found solace in Buffy.
If it weren't for the ATPOBTVS and Buffy Cross and Stake fanboards, along with countless others - I don't know if I'd have made it. It wasn't Joss Whedon, it was the story and the fandom. But mainly the fandom.
So I find it ironic that the actors and actresses playing these roles - who gave such brave and authentic performances were working in a toxic work environment much as I was and couldn't easily escape it. I left without a job in place. Twenty-three months of unemployment. I went through my entire savings within a year. I ended up getting sick because I was eating mainly pasta, and hot dogs, and corn, and bread, and crackers - which were cheap. And my parents were sending me money. It was hell. I almost had a nervous breakdown.
It took me a long time to get past it. I was 35. And had a law degree. And I knew that there was nothing I could do but quit. Watching this unfold and reading these people's testimonies...gives me an odd sense of deja vue. I know what it is like first-hand to be gaslit, to not be believed. And I know it exists in all workplaces and all industries. And I don't know what to do about it. Even the current workplace - I've had to deal with it from Boss, everyone has. Since it is so wide-spread, and we currently have a demented former president who was guilty of similar behavior and who got away with it being impeached...what does that say about us? About our society? About our species? What?
I keep doing loving kindness meditations. It helps.
What also hits me today - is I am oddly glad that my friend embers_log is no longer alive to see this. She loved Joss Whedon. She met him in person and had a photo taken with him. She was a fan. This would have broken her heart. She died in 2010 or thereabouts...of colitis. She was about 62. We'd parted ways - over a fannish disagreement. I was being a tad too critical of Whedon at the time, and she got annoyed with me.
Behind all of this, is ...Free Britney Spears
In 2007, celebrity magazines had a favorite cover story: the trials and tribulations of a 25-year-old Britney Spears. The breathless coverage is now being re-examined.
In the wake of a new Times documentary about the singer, pictured in 2004, and her troubles, some see the hypercritical fixation on her mental health, mothering and sexuality as a broad public failing. And apologies are trickling in from media and celebrities alike, including her ex, the singer and actor Justin Timberlake.
The legal battle over Spears’s personal well-being and finances continued on Thursday in a brief court hearing. A judge made no substantial changes to the conservatorship that has overseen much of Spears’s existence since 2008.
We seem to have misogyny and racism converging with Fisher, Spears, and others. What's interesting though is Fisher is getting buried beneath the white women voices supporting his.
And behind all of that, the impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump lurking insidiously in the background. We all know the Republicans will do the wrong thing. It's become predictable now. Trump is the epitome of misogyny and racism and casual cruelty. The King of the Insult, the King of the Mean. The child of internet cruelty and negative marketing pizazz. He's the worst impulses of everyone wrapped inside one neat little package. A bloated white man, old, and nasty. Spewing hate and vitriol wherever he goes.
In Promised Land, Chapter 25, I think, Barack Obama talks about preparations the US is making in the event one of our allies is overtaken by a populist movement and their government is overthrown - much like the Arab Spring. "It's unlikely to happen," he opines. "But just in case - we've put emergency procedures in place." I can't help but wonder if while reading this aloud as an audio book - he picked up on the irony of those words? It wasn't our allies who were vulnerable but ourselves.
They can't quite convict Trump, because to do so - they convict themselves. And there's the heart of it...I think. To what degree are we to be held accountable for laughing at a madman?
And once again, I find myself assessing my own dry wit and biting sense of humor. But all humor is cruel - even it only directed at oneself. I try to apply it to situations and myself, and not to others. It's easy to forget, I think. But, then again laughing in pain, works as a great anesthetic.
***
It's a wintry day, and I miss my graveyard. The calm I feel walking through it. So quiet with just the birds tweeting and the breeze. The cars are almost too far away to hear clearly. Occasional ambient conversation - equally blurred by distance. The graveyard gives me peace. It shows me how temporary this all is. That humans are...well temporary things. Here and then gone. With plaques in the ground to commemorate their passing. And for reasons, I cannot quite explain - I find that somehow comforting? All this will end soon enough.
Relationships are temporary too - and constantly changing. Work. Life. Friendship. Family. It is never constant.
I'm told character doesn't change but personalities do. That's true enough - I've seen that with my Dad who has dementia. Or myself. Or mother. Or my brother who mellows with time.
COVID seems to be on the decline, more and more people on my FB page are posting that they got the vaccine. I still am waiting to get mine. I'm thinking March or April? I may try to get an appointment through the State's site next week or the week thereafter. I'd like to get it before I have to do a site tour of substations.
I think I've rambled enough tonight. Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far or even if you haven't.
I watched Zoey's Playlist - which is sweet and message oriented, with nice songs. Floating in one ear and out the other. And I ate one too many cupcakes at lunch - two again. But two...was more than I should.
Weather is kind of cold and dreary, with another storm on the way. I've been trying to ignore the Impeachment Hearings, but I keep checking twitter - which is talking about it as it happens, and of course I discussed it briefly with mother. Mother tells me things that piss me off - such as : "If people want to or choose to believe the Republican's spin on this and decide to ignore the rest, they kind of can."
Me: We can choose what to believe in this world. True. But our choices speak to our central character and who we are. If we choose to believe someone like Trump or his lawyers, all evidence to the contrary, and after what they've done. Than that speaks to our central character.
[My difficulty is I know she's right - people will believe whatever suits them. Not often what is true, but what suits their world-view or agenda.]
My mother is liberal. But she lives in South Carolina, and it's not.
Meanwhile I'm kind of lurking on twitter - regarding the whole "Whedon" melt down. It's kind of like watching a boulder roll down hill and pick up stuff as it goes. Let's see how many folks jump on board. To date - half the Buffy cast and now three of the writers (Mere Smith - Angel, Marti Noxon - Buffy, and Jose Molina - Firefly).
Marsters recently posted his support, only to have three annoying fans bring up the song he wrote back in 2003 about Trachenberg. It was just a song - he never dated her, and it was to gently turn her down. People overreacted - which is a problem, they don't realize that this sort of reaction makes it difficult for other abuse to be reported and taken seriously. That's the problem with the mis-information age and social media - is this tendency. My other issue with their reaction? The hypocrisy. They were watching and fans of a show that featured a romance between a sixteen year old girl and a man who was very old and a vampire. David Boreanze was 26 years of age, and Gellar was 17 or 18 when Buffy started. They had kissing scenes. And she was portrayed as 16. She slept with Angel at 17. People loved that relationship. Also I saw Spike/Dawn fanfic and fanfic with an adult human Spike and a 16 year old Buffy. If fans could write that - what is wrong with a man writing a song to put off a girl who has a crush on him? He's admitting that she's attractive, but he won't go there - she's like a little sister to him. We need to be careful on how we judge others or we'll find ourselves equally judged. The Universe likes to put us on the opposite side of every argument.
I'm trying to be kind, but people keep pissing me off. I restrained myself from responding to these idiots - he doesn't need me to defend him, he can defend himself, and just liked the person who defended him - post instead.
Twitter is kind of social media on speed. Moves fast and people pile on.
Nick Brendan hasn't posted anything - because his partner has taken over his account after he fell on some ice and seriously injured his back. He can't sit up.
Marti Noxon just tweeted her support of the women who spoke up.
NOX NOX WHO’S WEARING A MASK? -
martinoxonI would like to validate what the women of Buffy are saying
and support them in telling their story. They deserve to be heard.
I understand where
allcharisma, Amber, Michelle and all
the women who have spoken out are coming from.
Kater Gordon and I 1/2
And... How the The TV Industry Can Better Protect Writers From the Next Toxic Showrunner
Oh and...we now have Firefly...
Jose Molina -
josemolinatv"Casually cruel" is a perfect way of describing Joss. He thought being mean was funny. Making female writers cry during a notes session was especially hysterical. He actually liked to boast about the time he made one writer cry twice in one meeting.
The Whedon Studies Association is struggling to rebrand itself. And the Whedonverse has now become the Buffyverse and Beyond.
I was talking to mother today about this, and why it was distracting me so much. At the same time that all of this was going on the set of Buffy and Angel, I was struggling to stay sane in a toxic work environment. I escaped to Buffy to cope with it. The Buffy fandom got me through it. I wrote hundreds of essays about Buffy while at that work place - partly as a means of striking out at it, and dealing with the toxic environment. Also as a means of finding some solace. A Buffy fan (who was a navy nurse in Japan) sent me flowers with a lemon inside - and the quote - written by Jane Espenson - "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". She sent them to me the day I quit my job. We met on the ATPOBTVS Board, and had developed a correspondence. Writing long letters to each other - supporting one another, for she was also in a toxic work environment. We both found solace in Buffy.
If it weren't for the ATPOBTVS and Buffy Cross and Stake fanboards, along with countless others - I don't know if I'd have made it. It wasn't Joss Whedon, it was the story and the fandom. But mainly the fandom.
So I find it ironic that the actors and actresses playing these roles - who gave such brave and authentic performances were working in a toxic work environment much as I was and couldn't easily escape it. I left without a job in place. Twenty-three months of unemployment. I went through my entire savings within a year. I ended up getting sick because I was eating mainly pasta, and hot dogs, and corn, and bread, and crackers - which were cheap. And my parents were sending me money. It was hell. I almost had a nervous breakdown.
It took me a long time to get past it. I was 35. And had a law degree. And I knew that there was nothing I could do but quit. Watching this unfold and reading these people's testimonies...gives me an odd sense of deja vue. I know what it is like first-hand to be gaslit, to not be believed. And I know it exists in all workplaces and all industries. And I don't know what to do about it. Even the current workplace - I've had to deal with it from Boss, everyone has. Since it is so wide-spread, and we currently have a demented former president who was guilty of similar behavior and who got away with it being impeached...what does that say about us? About our society? About our species? What?
I keep doing loving kindness meditations. It helps.
What also hits me today - is I am oddly glad that my friend embers_log is no longer alive to see this. She loved Joss Whedon. She met him in person and had a photo taken with him. She was a fan. This would have broken her heart. She died in 2010 or thereabouts...of colitis. She was about 62. We'd parted ways - over a fannish disagreement. I was being a tad too critical of Whedon at the time, and she got annoyed with me.
Behind all of this, is ...Free Britney Spears
In 2007, celebrity magazines had a favorite cover story: the trials and tribulations of a 25-year-old Britney Spears. The breathless coverage is now being re-examined.
In the wake of a new Times documentary about the singer, pictured in 2004, and her troubles, some see the hypercritical fixation on her mental health, mothering and sexuality as a broad public failing. And apologies are trickling in from media and celebrities alike, including her ex, the singer and actor Justin Timberlake.
The legal battle over Spears’s personal well-being and finances continued on Thursday in a brief court hearing. A judge made no substantial changes to the conservatorship that has overseen much of Spears’s existence since 2008.
We seem to have misogyny and racism converging with Fisher, Spears, and others. What's interesting though is Fisher is getting buried beneath the white women voices supporting his.
And behind all of that, the impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump lurking insidiously in the background. We all know the Republicans will do the wrong thing. It's become predictable now. Trump is the epitome of misogyny and racism and casual cruelty. The King of the Insult, the King of the Mean. The child of internet cruelty and negative marketing pizazz. He's the worst impulses of everyone wrapped inside one neat little package. A bloated white man, old, and nasty. Spewing hate and vitriol wherever he goes.
In Promised Land, Chapter 25, I think, Barack Obama talks about preparations the US is making in the event one of our allies is overtaken by a populist movement and their government is overthrown - much like the Arab Spring. "It's unlikely to happen," he opines. "But just in case - we've put emergency procedures in place." I can't help but wonder if while reading this aloud as an audio book - he picked up on the irony of those words? It wasn't our allies who were vulnerable but ourselves.
They can't quite convict Trump, because to do so - they convict themselves. And there's the heart of it...I think. To what degree are we to be held accountable for laughing at a madman?
And once again, I find myself assessing my own dry wit and biting sense of humor. But all humor is cruel - even it only directed at oneself. I try to apply it to situations and myself, and not to others. It's easy to forget, I think. But, then again laughing in pain, works as a great anesthetic.
***
It's a wintry day, and I miss my graveyard. The calm I feel walking through it. So quiet with just the birds tweeting and the breeze. The cars are almost too far away to hear clearly. Occasional ambient conversation - equally blurred by distance. The graveyard gives me peace. It shows me how temporary this all is. That humans are...well temporary things. Here and then gone. With plaques in the ground to commemorate their passing. And for reasons, I cannot quite explain - I find that somehow comforting? All this will end soon enough.
Relationships are temporary too - and constantly changing. Work. Life. Friendship. Family. It is never constant.
I'm told character doesn't change but personalities do. That's true enough - I've seen that with my Dad who has dementia. Or myself. Or mother. Or my brother who mellows with time.
COVID seems to be on the decline, more and more people on my FB page are posting that they got the vaccine. I still am waiting to get mine. I'm thinking March or April? I may try to get an appointment through the State's site next week or the week thereafter. I'd like to get it before I have to do a site tour of substations.
I think I've rambled enough tonight. Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far or even if you haven't.
I watched Zoey's Playlist - which is sweet and message oriented, with nice songs. Floating in one ear and out the other. And I ate one too many cupcakes at lunch - two again. But two...was more than I should.