Year 2- Day 174...Breath in Breath out
Sep. 7th, 2021 08:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatLast day of vacation - it was a mini-five day weekend. I go back to work tomorrow - although not back to the office until Thursday.
I only have to go into the office once this week, and once next week.
I've decided the root of my anxiety is...needless worry about things that haven't happened yet and may never happen. My imagination is annoyingly vivid and active, when I don't keep it preoccupied with story telling.
I get myself all riled up over conversations and decisions that no one has made and may never be made.
I was taught this way of thinking at any early age - if you figure out the worst case scenario - you can be prepared. This is not true by the way. There's no way to prepare for something that may or may not happen, besides the way it will happen is probably not how I think it will. And I won't have control either way. All I'm doing is making myself miserable today over what may or may not happen tomorrow.
Once I realized this - which I kind of did over the weekend, I thought, okay I'm not going to waste time imagining the worse. I'm going to just think about what is happening now. The truth of the matter is - I've always known that, it's just not easy getting my brain to cooperate on the matter.
The trick - remember these are just thoughts, and I can ignore them.
***
My father is on anti-biotics for a growth on his neck that's become enlarged. Also he banged his head in his sleep on one of the guard rails on his bed - so his face was bruised this morning, and his eye was puffy. Mother is worried about him. She's also second-guessing herself after her neighbor informed her that he'd moved his wife (with Altzheimers) to a memory care/assisted living facility in Naples, Fla that was so much nicer and far more expensive than the one my father is in.
Mother: But I don't want to move to Naples, Fla. Neither does he.
Me: Look, stop doing this to yourself. It's the best place you could put my Dad in - you made this decision together.
Mother: It is more expensive down there -
Me: Also you couldn't afford the other one.
Mother: True. And this is the best one on the Island.
Me: See, go with that.
My sister-in-law ranted about it not being ideal, and how my Dad would be better off with full-time hospice care at home. Except I don't see how that's possible - since my parents couldn't handle it the last time they tried it. It's what her grandfather had for her grandmother - but their situation was very different. For one thing they had a bigger home, more money, and her grandfather wasn't immobilized at the time and could help.
I hate it when people attempt to compare their situation to mine or my parents. I want to tell to fuck off. (I'm scared of my sister-in-law, so no, I'd never tell her to fuck off. I just sat there and let her rant at me, then I slunked off to lick my wounds in private.)
**
While listening to the Robert Altman biography - I was reminded again, how multi-faceted and complicated people truly are. Altman, the television and film director (also fighter pilot and bomber) was an interesting character. People loved him, hated him, and/or were largely ambivalent. Most actors loved him - except for the ones who hated improvization and preferred having a set script and clear-cut direction.
I have a feeling a lot of producers and screenwriters didn't care for him all that much. He had no real respect for a script - he went off script, or told people that from his perspective a script was a map or an outline for how things should go, but not set in stone. In short? He was most likely a writer's nightmare.
Also, while the actors and fellow filmmakers spoke highly of him, he was a womanizer, a gambler, and an alcoholic. His kids rarely saw him. He had multiple wives and kids all over the place. And he ran through money quickly - until he finally got a business manager and financial manager who kept him from gambling it all away.
The guy was raised in Kansas City in the 1920s -40s. Served in WWII as a bomber pilot. Moved to LA after WWII to direct films and television. He basically directed episodes in all the early television series. Everything from Alfred Hitchcock Presents to Bonazana. The book talks about episodes from Hitchcock Presents, Bonanazana (they wanted him to stop drinking - which was easier said than done), Combat (with Vic Morrow - he directed the most controversial and highest rated episode - Survival), Bus Stop (apparently there was a television anthology series entitled Bus Stop based on William Ing's play of the same name - with each episode following a different character that got off at the bus stop. One episode starred Fabian, who played a psychopath that destroyed various lives in the town - it was called "A Lion Walks Among Us" or "When Evil Walks Among Us.." something like that. At any rate - this was the one Altman cast and directed, and it got a lot of flack for being violent and a wee bit too dark. So the Senate, led by Senator Dodd tried to censor it or take it off the air. There was a battle. It got shown, but then buried. No movie was done or anything. Fabian got the best reviews of his career for playing the psychopath. And was upset it didn't go anywhere - because it may have changed the course of his career if it did.)
The audio book is structured in such a way that you hear lots of people talking in conversation, often overlapping. Telling stories about Bob Altman from multiple perspectives. We get Fabian's take on the episode, Bob's, the writer's, the producer's, Bob's daughters - who got to meet Fabian...it's marvelous. Possibly one of the best biopic's I've listened to.
There's another section that goes into detail about the filming of The Delinguents - and how there was a bit of a fight between the lead and everyone else. Apparently the actor who got cast as the lead of the film or the hero did not get along with the Director or anyone else. He didn't like improv. Wanted to stick to the script and role he was told he was going to play, and got upset when the director basically changed all of it. He was a bit of an asshole according to the director and others on the set, but from his point of view - he'd been abused and mislead about the role. It was fascinating hearing all the perspectives. And the different voices.
Robert Altman does make a good point about scripts and screenwriting. The problem with a script is often all the voices sound the same. And it is better to be looser with it, and not stick too closely to it - since people don't talk the way they are written. You have to give them room for their voices to be heard.
It's a quibble I have with a lot of top tier television series writers - often the characters sound a like. Aaron Sorkin, Joss Whedon, and Shonda Rhimes all have this problem - their characters often sound alike. Or like them. Everyone on Grey's says "Seriously", or has "long preachy self-righteous monologues". David E Kelly did the same thing. In Whedon's shows - everyone would say things like "Captain Forehead" or "Captain" this. Or they'd snark and say things like "It's a Thing" (I caught that phrase in Justice League and The Avengers). Sorkin - also does the long preachy monologues, and the rapid fire dialogue where people say bright witty things, but they all sound alike.
Altman got around that difficulty by using the script as a guide, but letting the actors come up with their own dialogue as fit their characters and the scene. It's why the actors loves Altman - they didn't feel the same pressure they did with other directors. They just got to explore the characters, and collaborate, and play. Method actors were in heaven.
Oh, this is sad - Michael K. Williams of The Wire (you know the guy who played our favorite character? Omar?) - he died at the age of 54. Ouch. I'm 54. Just ouch. That hurts.
Michael K Williams Breaks Down His Most Iconic Roles
Mr. Williams was found about 2 p.m., according to the New York City Police Department. The death is being investigated as a possible drug overdose, the police said, and the city’s medical examiner was to determine the cause. - per NY Times.
***
I see less and less people with masks now. I admittedly don't wear them that often outside, intermittently - when lots of people are around. If I'm alone on the sidewalk and there's no one around - I'm not wearing one. And if I'm alone in the apartment building it's off. I base it on my close proximity to others.
I bought more KN94 masks for work and train travel. They are more comfortable to wear and safer than the cloth masks. Also not as flimsy as the blue surgical masks. And not as thick as the KN95 - which I find less comfortable.
Cheap on Amazon. I swear I've a collection of masks now. I've been compulsively buying masks off and on all year long.
***
Today's television roundup included:
Completing Discovery of Witches S2 on the DVR. Finished the last four episodes. Was annoyed by S2. It was harder to follow in places (possibly due to the two year hiatus), and the way it ended was painful.
Also, it got a bit cloyingly romantic in spots. Honestly my biggest problem with the vampire/witch paranormal romance trope is the whole - I must drink from you to know you, and we'll truly be mated, and the kiss of the witch shows me your soul - crap. Give me a break. It irritates me. And it's why I can't read a lot of vampire urban fantasy romances.
What If? Episode 3 - if you are unfamiliar with Marvel Comics, you probably don't know what to expect with What If? It is taken directly from the comics. There's a series in Marvel Comics entitled What If? Where the writers imagine an alternate version of events. Like "What If?" - Agent Carter became the Super Solider aka Captain America instead of Steve Rogers.
Today's episode or Episode 3 (I'm behind by one episode now) - is what if someone manages to kill off the Avengers, one by one. It's murder mystery - that Nick Fury and Loki team up to solve. Not bad, has a less than satisfying ending. But a believable one.
The animation and vocals are excellent, if a little stiff. Marvel hasn't quite gotten its animation to Disney/Anime levels yet, but its close.
***
Random photo of the day..
A Tale of two Bridges...
I only have to go into the office once this week, and once next week.
I've decided the root of my anxiety is...needless worry about things that haven't happened yet and may never happen. My imagination is annoyingly vivid and active, when I don't keep it preoccupied with story telling.
I get myself all riled up over conversations and decisions that no one has made and may never be made.
I was taught this way of thinking at any early age - if you figure out the worst case scenario - you can be prepared. This is not true by the way. There's no way to prepare for something that may or may not happen, besides the way it will happen is probably not how I think it will. And I won't have control either way. All I'm doing is making myself miserable today over what may or may not happen tomorrow.
Once I realized this - which I kind of did over the weekend, I thought, okay I'm not going to waste time imagining the worse. I'm going to just think about what is happening now. The truth of the matter is - I've always known that, it's just not easy getting my brain to cooperate on the matter.
The trick - remember these are just thoughts, and I can ignore them.
***
My father is on anti-biotics for a growth on his neck that's become enlarged. Also he banged his head in his sleep on one of the guard rails on his bed - so his face was bruised this morning, and his eye was puffy. Mother is worried about him. She's also second-guessing herself after her neighbor informed her that he'd moved his wife (with Altzheimers) to a memory care/assisted living facility in Naples, Fla that was so much nicer and far more expensive than the one my father is in.
Mother: But I don't want to move to Naples, Fla. Neither does he.
Me: Look, stop doing this to yourself. It's the best place you could put my Dad in - you made this decision together.
Mother: It is more expensive down there -
Me: Also you couldn't afford the other one.
Mother: True. And this is the best one on the Island.
Me: See, go with that.
My sister-in-law ranted about it not being ideal, and how my Dad would be better off with full-time hospice care at home. Except I don't see how that's possible - since my parents couldn't handle it the last time they tried it. It's what her grandfather had for her grandmother - but their situation was very different. For one thing they had a bigger home, more money, and her grandfather wasn't immobilized at the time and could help.
I hate it when people attempt to compare their situation to mine or my parents. I want to tell to fuck off. (I'm scared of my sister-in-law, so no, I'd never tell her to fuck off. I just sat there and let her rant at me, then I slunked off to lick my wounds in private.)
**
While listening to the Robert Altman biography - I was reminded again, how multi-faceted and complicated people truly are. Altman, the television and film director (also fighter pilot and bomber) was an interesting character. People loved him, hated him, and/or were largely ambivalent. Most actors loved him - except for the ones who hated improvization and preferred having a set script and clear-cut direction.
I have a feeling a lot of producers and screenwriters didn't care for him all that much. He had no real respect for a script - he went off script, or told people that from his perspective a script was a map or an outline for how things should go, but not set in stone. In short? He was most likely a writer's nightmare.
Also, while the actors and fellow filmmakers spoke highly of him, he was a womanizer, a gambler, and an alcoholic. His kids rarely saw him. He had multiple wives and kids all over the place. And he ran through money quickly - until he finally got a business manager and financial manager who kept him from gambling it all away.
The guy was raised in Kansas City in the 1920s -40s. Served in WWII as a bomber pilot. Moved to LA after WWII to direct films and television. He basically directed episodes in all the early television series. Everything from Alfred Hitchcock Presents to Bonazana. The book talks about episodes from Hitchcock Presents, Bonanazana (they wanted him to stop drinking - which was easier said than done), Combat (with Vic Morrow - he directed the most controversial and highest rated episode - Survival), Bus Stop (apparently there was a television anthology series entitled Bus Stop based on William Ing's play of the same name - with each episode following a different character that got off at the bus stop. One episode starred Fabian, who played a psychopath that destroyed various lives in the town - it was called "A Lion Walks Among Us" or "When Evil Walks Among Us.." something like that. At any rate - this was the one Altman cast and directed, and it got a lot of flack for being violent and a wee bit too dark. So the Senate, led by Senator Dodd tried to censor it or take it off the air. There was a battle. It got shown, but then buried. No movie was done or anything. Fabian got the best reviews of his career for playing the psychopath. And was upset it didn't go anywhere - because it may have changed the course of his career if it did.)
The audio book is structured in such a way that you hear lots of people talking in conversation, often overlapping. Telling stories about Bob Altman from multiple perspectives. We get Fabian's take on the episode, Bob's, the writer's, the producer's, Bob's daughters - who got to meet Fabian...it's marvelous. Possibly one of the best biopic's I've listened to.
There's another section that goes into detail about the filming of The Delinguents - and how there was a bit of a fight between the lead and everyone else. Apparently the actor who got cast as the lead of the film or the hero did not get along with the Director or anyone else. He didn't like improv. Wanted to stick to the script and role he was told he was going to play, and got upset when the director basically changed all of it. He was a bit of an asshole according to the director and others on the set, but from his point of view - he'd been abused and mislead about the role. It was fascinating hearing all the perspectives. And the different voices.
Robert Altman does make a good point about scripts and screenwriting. The problem with a script is often all the voices sound the same. And it is better to be looser with it, and not stick too closely to it - since people don't talk the way they are written. You have to give them room for their voices to be heard.
It's a quibble I have with a lot of top tier television series writers - often the characters sound a like. Aaron Sorkin, Joss Whedon, and Shonda Rhimes all have this problem - their characters often sound alike. Or like them. Everyone on Grey's says "Seriously", or has "long preachy self-righteous monologues". David E Kelly did the same thing. In Whedon's shows - everyone would say things like "Captain Forehead" or "Captain" this. Or they'd snark and say things like "It's a Thing" (I caught that phrase in Justice League and The Avengers). Sorkin - also does the long preachy monologues, and the rapid fire dialogue where people say bright witty things, but they all sound alike.
Altman got around that difficulty by using the script as a guide, but letting the actors come up with their own dialogue as fit their characters and the scene. It's why the actors loves Altman - they didn't feel the same pressure they did with other directors. They just got to explore the characters, and collaborate, and play. Method actors were in heaven.
Oh, this is sad - Michael K. Williams of The Wire (you know the guy who played our favorite character? Omar?) - he died at the age of 54. Ouch. I'm 54. Just ouch. That hurts.
Michael K Williams Breaks Down His Most Iconic Roles
Mr. Williams was found about 2 p.m., according to the New York City Police Department. The death is being investigated as a possible drug overdose, the police said, and the city’s medical examiner was to determine the cause. - per NY Times.
***
I see less and less people with masks now. I admittedly don't wear them that often outside, intermittently - when lots of people are around. If I'm alone on the sidewalk and there's no one around - I'm not wearing one. And if I'm alone in the apartment building it's off. I base it on my close proximity to others.
I bought more KN94 masks for work and train travel. They are more comfortable to wear and safer than the cloth masks. Also not as flimsy as the blue surgical masks. And not as thick as the KN95 - which I find less comfortable.
Cheap on Amazon. I swear I've a collection of masks now. I've been compulsively buying masks off and on all year long.
***
Today's television roundup included:
Completing Discovery of Witches S2 on the DVR. Finished the last four episodes. Was annoyed by S2. It was harder to follow in places (possibly due to the two year hiatus), and the way it ended was painful.
Also, it got a bit cloyingly romantic in spots. Honestly my biggest problem with the vampire/witch paranormal romance trope is the whole - I must drink from you to know you, and we'll truly be mated, and the kiss of the witch shows me your soul - crap. Give me a break. It irritates me. And it's why I can't read a lot of vampire urban fantasy romances.
What If? Episode 3 - if you are unfamiliar with Marvel Comics, you probably don't know what to expect with What If? It is taken directly from the comics. There's a series in Marvel Comics entitled What If? Where the writers imagine an alternate version of events. Like "What If?" - Agent Carter became the Super Solider aka Captain America instead of Steve Rogers.
Today's episode or Episode 3 (I'm behind by one episode now) - is what if someone manages to kill off the Avengers, one by one. It's murder mystery - that Nick Fury and Loki team up to solve. Not bad, has a less than satisfying ending. But a believable one.
The animation and vocals are excellent, if a little stiff. Marvel hasn't quite gotten its animation to Disney/Anime levels yet, but its close.
***
Random photo of the day..
A Tale of two Bridges...
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Date: 2021-09-10 01:40 am (UTC)This is my middle name. Made me really good at my MB job.