Y2/D221...
Oct. 23rd, 2021 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatGloomy day. I slept in. Well late for me at any rate, woke up around 9. I thought 7:45 and got confused. Took a long shower, hair took forever to dry.
Binge-watched New Amsterdam - I'm about seventeen episodes behind. I whittled it down to twelve. Deleted the Grey's episodes. I no longer like or care about the characters on Grey's - it's been on too long, I think. Should have ended about ten years ago. It's at 18 seasons now, the longest running medical drama in history - flew past ER's record ages ago.
Considering going back to Squid Game - but I'm feeling a bit blah at the moment, and I don't think its a good idea right now. New Amsterdam made me cry but at least I liked people.
Also thinking about going to church tomorrow, in person, mainly because I want to do the activity at 1pm behind the church in the Gazebo, with tea and tarot cards. But...I'm on the fence - not about the activity, I just hate taking the subway anywhere on weekends at the moment. They do work on the weekends, and the trains are always screwy.
Television has decided ...okay the whole pandemic thing was interesting for about eighteen months, but bored now - time to move on. So they are acting like it is completely over and everything is fine. (If they were going to go that route - I wish they'd never mentioned it to begin with. Also, I love how television series have folks dying of pancreatic cancer peacefully and in their sleep - I know three co-workers who have it, have had it, or died from it. There's nothing peaceful about pancreatic cancer.) Will state that New Amsterdam dealt with it more realistically than say, Grey's Anatomy has.
Read an article about struggling with depression - which I've been dealing with off and on for a while now. What a lot of folks don't understand about depression is that it's not one thing or definable. It varies by individual. And everyone experiences it differently and in different variables or degrees. Which is why it is really hard to treat - because human beings like to things to be simple. One size fits all. Find a pill. Or a method. Treat it. Bye Bye.
It also can come and go. Kind of like the weather.
It's also almost impossible to discuss. Mental health is hard to discuss. There's so much stigma attached to it. We have a tendency to write folks off. And if someone handles depression, anxiety or trauma differently than we do - same. It's sad.
**
GH fandom: It's completely unrealistic that anyone would file charges against Nina for keeping Sonny's identity hidden from his family, Sonny, everyone in Nixon Falls for nine months. That would never happen in real life.
ME: You do realize we are talking about a television soap opera that had Luke and Laura fighting villains who froze the state of New York utilizing a diamond called the Ice Princess? Reality kind of jumped out the window in the 1980s. This is relatively tame in comparison.
Oh, speaking of fandoms... someone posted this rather touching comment by Will Wheton (shared from his Tumblr account):
Wil Wheaton
Another question from my Tumblr Ask Me thingy:
Q: I have more of an opinion question for you. When fans of things hear about misconduct happening on sets/behind-the-scenes are they allowed to still enjoy the thing? Or should it be boycotted completely? Example: I’ve been a major fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since I was a teenager and it was currently airing. I really nerded out on it and when I lost my Dad at age 16 “The Body” episode had me in such cathartic tears. Now we know about Joss Whedon. I haven’t rewatched a single episode since his behavior came to light. As a fan, do I respectfully have to just box that away? Is it disrespectful of the actors that went through it to knowingly keep watching?
Answer: I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager.
He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore.
But this week, someone pointed out that he was one member of a group that all worked together to make that thing that was so important to me. And the person he was when he wrote those lyrics is not the person he is today. And the person I was when I heard those lyrics doesn't deserve to be shoved into a box and put away, because that guy is a shit.
This is a long way of saying that Joss sure turned out to be garbage. Because of who I my friends are, I know stuff that isn't in the public, and it's pretty horrible. He's just not a good person, and apparently never was a good person.
BUT! Buffy is more than him. It's all the actors and crew who made it. It's all the writers who aren't Joss. Joss is part of it, sure, and some of the episodes he wrote are terrific.
At least one of the episodes he wrote was deeply meaningful to you at a moment in your life when you'd experienced a loss I can only imagine. The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.His bad behavior is on him. He has to live with it, and the consequences of it. 16 year-old you, who just lost their dad, shouldn't have to think about what a shit Joss Whedon is for even a second. That kid, and you, deserve to have that place to revisit when you need to go there.
I can't speak for the other actors, even the ones I know. But I will tell you, as an abuse survivor myself who never wanted to be in front of the camera when he was a kid: it's really okay for you to enjoy the work. The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?
I'm not the pope of chilitown, so take this for what it's worth: I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.
If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.
I've written a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense and are helpful to you.
https://wilwheaton.tumblr.com/.../i-have-more-of-an...
I know that Charisma has stated in various places that her words on Twitter were in no means meant to shame or ask fans to stop watching Buffy and Angel. She worked hard on both. [By the way, the Charisma on Twitter is a truly beautiful and admirable soul. I am loving her tweets. Been following her since February.] They were aimed at those who were hiring Whedon and continuing to enable his abusive behavior in the industry. The art is collaborative, and to stop watching and enjoying it - helps no one.
I think we as a society have a tendency to worship other human beings. We even like to think of God or Gods as reflections of ourselves. (I don't, stopped in my twenties.) Anyhow, the tendency to fan worship humans is a zero-sum equation doomed to failure. People can't withstand that kind of adoration - they are too flawed. Mother used to tell me that the Australians call it tall poppy syndrom - someone gets too big headed or too tall in the field, they get themselves cut down to size. We aren't meant to be worshiped. Adoration is toxic to the human soul.
I could see it happening with Whedon. Fans adored him - because they believed in some weird way that the show they loved was Whedon. It's not. It never was. No work of art is that person. We interact with art, so in a way art is all of us or that interaction. Buffy, as an example, changed as I interacted with it. It became something else through each interaction. And I didn't do it in a vacuum. I discussed it with others, read fanfic, read meta, wrote fanfic and meta - and even collaborated on fanfic and meta - this resulted in a new experience of the series each and every time I did it. To the point that I might as well have watched hundreds of different versions of Buffy every time. I never just saw one. And now, over twenty years later - it's hard to know which version was the original or even the actual one and if such a thing even exists.
Music is similar. Eric Clapton may be a racist bigot and insane anti-vaxxer, but Tears of Heaven is still a beautiful song, beautifully performed by Clapton.
Or acting, Mel Gibson may be horrific in some respects, but his performances in Gallipoli, Year of Living Dangerously, Mad Max, and even the Lethal Weapon series are no less moving or brilliant.
I remind myself of this constantly when people disappoint me, or when I disappoint myself (which is more often than I like to admit...this year has been insanely hard in that respect), that we are all more than one thing. Insanely complicated. Ever-changing. And far from perfect. Deeply flawed, yet in part due to those deep flaws, uniquely beautiful creatures worth saving and remembering.
But it is hard to remember that sometimes or realize it, particularly when I'm hurting inside and want to rail at the world around me for disappointing me.
**
I've not left my apartment today. Lounged in sweats, a white t-shirt, and binge-watched television. Talked to mother. Wrote on the internet (but not that much.)
Simply floating ....downstream. Some days, it's the best I can do.
Random Photo of the Day...this round a cartoon found on FB that made me laugh...
Binge-watched New Amsterdam - I'm about seventeen episodes behind. I whittled it down to twelve. Deleted the Grey's episodes. I no longer like or care about the characters on Grey's - it's been on too long, I think. Should have ended about ten years ago. It's at 18 seasons now, the longest running medical drama in history - flew past ER's record ages ago.
Considering going back to Squid Game - but I'm feeling a bit blah at the moment, and I don't think its a good idea right now. New Amsterdam made me cry but at least I liked people.
Also thinking about going to church tomorrow, in person, mainly because I want to do the activity at 1pm behind the church in the Gazebo, with tea and tarot cards. But...I'm on the fence - not about the activity, I just hate taking the subway anywhere on weekends at the moment. They do work on the weekends, and the trains are always screwy.
Television has decided ...okay the whole pandemic thing was interesting for about eighteen months, but bored now - time to move on. So they are acting like it is completely over and everything is fine. (If they were going to go that route - I wish they'd never mentioned it to begin with. Also, I love how television series have folks dying of pancreatic cancer peacefully and in their sleep - I know three co-workers who have it, have had it, or died from it. There's nothing peaceful about pancreatic cancer.) Will state that New Amsterdam dealt with it more realistically than say, Grey's Anatomy has.
Read an article about struggling with depression - which I've been dealing with off and on for a while now. What a lot of folks don't understand about depression is that it's not one thing or definable. It varies by individual. And everyone experiences it differently and in different variables or degrees. Which is why it is really hard to treat - because human beings like to things to be simple. One size fits all. Find a pill. Or a method. Treat it. Bye Bye.
It also can come and go. Kind of like the weather.
It's also almost impossible to discuss. Mental health is hard to discuss. There's so much stigma attached to it. We have a tendency to write folks off. And if someone handles depression, anxiety or trauma differently than we do - same. It's sad.
**
GH fandom: It's completely unrealistic that anyone would file charges against Nina for keeping Sonny's identity hidden from his family, Sonny, everyone in Nixon Falls for nine months. That would never happen in real life.
ME: You do realize we are talking about a television soap opera that had Luke and Laura fighting villains who froze the state of New York utilizing a diamond called the Ice Princess? Reality kind of jumped out the window in the 1980s. This is relatively tame in comparison.
Oh, speaking of fandoms... someone posted this rather touching comment by Will Wheton (shared from his Tumblr account):
Wil Wheaton
Another question from my Tumblr Ask Me thingy:
Q: I have more of an opinion question for you. When fans of things hear about misconduct happening on sets/behind-the-scenes are they allowed to still enjoy the thing? Or should it be boycotted completely? Example: I’ve been a major fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since I was a teenager and it was currently airing. I really nerded out on it and when I lost my Dad at age 16 “The Body” episode had me in such cathartic tears. Now we know about Joss Whedon. I haven’t rewatched a single episode since his behavior came to light. As a fan, do I respectfully have to just box that away? Is it disrespectful of the actors that went through it to knowingly keep watching?
Answer: I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager.
He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore.
But this week, someone pointed out that he was one member of a group that all worked together to make that thing that was so important to me. And the person he was when he wrote those lyrics is not the person he is today. And the person I was when I heard those lyrics doesn't deserve to be shoved into a box and put away, because that guy is a shit.
This is a long way of saying that Joss sure turned out to be garbage. Because of who I my friends are, I know stuff that isn't in the public, and it's pretty horrible. He's just not a good person, and apparently never was a good person.
BUT! Buffy is more than him. It's all the actors and crew who made it. It's all the writers who aren't Joss. Joss is part of it, sure, and some of the episodes he wrote are terrific.
At least one of the episodes he wrote was deeply meaningful to you at a moment in your life when you'd experienced a loss I can only imagine. The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.His bad behavior is on him. He has to live with it, and the consequences of it. 16 year-old you, who just lost their dad, shouldn't have to think about what a shit Joss Whedon is for even a second. That kid, and you, deserve to have that place to revisit when you need to go there.
I can't speak for the other actors, even the ones I know. But I will tell you, as an abuse survivor myself who never wanted to be in front of the camera when he was a kid: it's really okay for you to enjoy the work. The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?
I'm not the pope of chilitown, so take this for what it's worth: I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.
If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.
I've written a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense and are helpful to you.
https://wilwheaton.tumblr.com/.../i-have-more-of-an...
I know that Charisma has stated in various places that her words on Twitter were in no means meant to shame or ask fans to stop watching Buffy and Angel. She worked hard on both. [By the way, the Charisma on Twitter is a truly beautiful and admirable soul. I am loving her tweets. Been following her since February.] They were aimed at those who were hiring Whedon and continuing to enable his abusive behavior in the industry. The art is collaborative, and to stop watching and enjoying it - helps no one.
I think we as a society have a tendency to worship other human beings. We even like to think of God or Gods as reflections of ourselves. (I don't, stopped in my twenties.) Anyhow, the tendency to fan worship humans is a zero-sum equation doomed to failure. People can't withstand that kind of adoration - they are too flawed. Mother used to tell me that the Australians call it tall poppy syndrom - someone gets too big headed or too tall in the field, they get themselves cut down to size. We aren't meant to be worshiped. Adoration is toxic to the human soul.
I could see it happening with Whedon. Fans adored him - because they believed in some weird way that the show they loved was Whedon. It's not. It never was. No work of art is that person. We interact with art, so in a way art is all of us or that interaction. Buffy, as an example, changed as I interacted with it. It became something else through each interaction. And I didn't do it in a vacuum. I discussed it with others, read fanfic, read meta, wrote fanfic and meta - and even collaborated on fanfic and meta - this resulted in a new experience of the series each and every time I did it. To the point that I might as well have watched hundreds of different versions of Buffy every time. I never just saw one. And now, over twenty years later - it's hard to know which version was the original or even the actual one and if such a thing even exists.
Music is similar. Eric Clapton may be a racist bigot and insane anti-vaxxer, but Tears of Heaven is still a beautiful song, beautifully performed by Clapton.
Or acting, Mel Gibson may be horrific in some respects, but his performances in Gallipoli, Year of Living Dangerously, Mad Max, and even the Lethal Weapon series are no less moving or brilliant.
I remind myself of this constantly when people disappoint me, or when I disappoint myself (which is more often than I like to admit...this year has been insanely hard in that respect), that we are all more than one thing. Insanely complicated. Ever-changing. And far from perfect. Deeply flawed, yet in part due to those deep flaws, uniquely beautiful creatures worth saving and remembering.
But it is hard to remember that sometimes or realize it, particularly when I'm hurting inside and want to rail at the world around me for disappointing me.
**
I've not left my apartment today. Lounged in sweats, a white t-shirt, and binge-watched television. Talked to mother. Wrote on the internet (but not that much.)
Simply floating ....downstream. Some days, it's the best I can do.
Random Photo of the Day...this round a cartoon found on FB that made me laugh...
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 02:50 pm (UTC)No, that was me discussing it - not them. I think you misunderstood what I was talking about? To clarify? I feel that a lot of the fandom rage against Whedon, and Will Wheaton's response to the young man's query about the unnamed musician - regarding similar rage - is our tendency to venerate people. Not just celebrities. I've seen it happen with "Big Fan Names". I've had people do it to me - I don't live up to their "Fannish" expectations, just because I wrote a lot of Buffy meta they happened to love (often for reasons that to this day, bewilder me). And I see how fandom turns on the blink of an eye on someone because they disappoint them in some way.
I remember having a massive argument with an online friend over Whedon. She was an atheist, but she venerated Whedon. Adored him. Had taken pictures with him. I was critical of Whedon. She's dead now, died not long after our disagreement from a colon obstruction.
People will worship something. It's better if it isn't a person, regardless of whether or not they are celebrities. I don't know why the young man asked Will Wheton that question. Maybe because he figured Wheton knew the circumstances behind Whedon better, and was in the industry and could speak to it better than another fan with a pseudonym? I don't know. I wasn't commenting on that - so much as the fact that we often hold celebrities and people we are "Fannish" about or "venerating" to a higher standard. And when they fail us or turn out not to be nice people like we thought - we feel betrayed. Forgetting we're hardly Saints ourselves and these folks may be more than one thing to other people. That's not to see what they did was okay, it's just I'm not sure it means everything they've done and created is horrible merely because they created it. You can create a beautiful song and kill a person, the two aren't mutually exclusive.
re: Wil Wheaton
Date: 2021-10-24 02:58 am (UTC)So much is assailing my mental health right now that it hardly made a dent, but it was distressing all the same as they have been a fixture since I first arrived on lj. To see all that history gone reminds me of all the wonderful stuff; some of which I would never have read if not for the fan names attached (or seen for that matter).
Feelings akin to grieving are all around me; discovering so much new stuff (several new possible fandoms have come my way in the last couple of months) and knowing that all but a handful of the people I immediately thought of talking to them about are gone ~ one or two have passed on IRL, of course, but I will always wonder what these people I only know by their fan names are doing; what they would have thought about the things we shared.
Comes with life I suppose, but it reminds me that none of this trivial stuff is as trivial as we imagine it is.
Saw a review/reaction for a Canadian Queer film, and a couple of sentences spoken in their native language (Mandarin) and the whole thing became more a personal (and family) story; almost as much as it was talking about the film.
It's kind of ironic that just as people are leaving Buffy fandom more rapidly than they ever have, and the newer fans are having 'discussions' that were old when the show was still on the air, as well as the judgements placed on characters & writers for choices made in a world they seem unable to imagine, which of course I am guilty of in reverse ~ all this and I am re-discovering my love of the material; even watching episodes I haven't watched since I bought my last 'new' boxset something like a decade ago.
Pretty sure I won't be watching any Season Six for a good long while; far too real world pain attached to a lot of the themes there.
Oh Goddess! but I am coming to love Wil Wheaton for how much he 'speaks' to me at times. Must be something like three years since I started following his blog, maybe longer.
kerk
kerk
Re: Wil Wheaton
Date: 2021-10-25 02:52 am (UTC)Sorry I kept misspelling his last name as Wheton. The Whedon was confusing me.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 04:50 pm (UTC)Wheaton had a good answer to that fan's question and I'm glad I read it.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 02:48 am (UTC)But no, you definitely can't jump in late - it's serialized. And it's not good enough to grab Peacock for.
You're welcome on Wheaton. I liked his answer - I found it moving and sincere. Better than most that I've read to date. He doesn't excuse Whedon's behavior, he merely states that it should have no bearing on the enjoyment of the work. And he's right it shouldn't - the art isn't really just Whedon's, if it ever really was.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-24 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-10-25 02:44 am (UTC)Still. Damn.
Unfortunately he could be talking about a lot of people...I just discovered Van Morrison and Eric Clapton were assholes. I'm more upset about Morrison. Ugh.
Oh well, the actor list is longer, and so much harder to get past. I can ignore it more with music and writer/directors - since that is heavily collaborative. Actors...it's harder for some reason. Comedians? Impossible to get past, since so much of it is embedded in the comedy.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-31 10:27 am (UTC)I have always held to the thing that a work is not a single person, but I like the view from someone involved directly:
The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?
Which I really like. Ditto this, which I had not thought of before, at least not in these terms:
The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.
So thank you.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-31 01:32 pm (UTC)I also needed to be reminded as well - because I'd been grappling with my love of the series in relation to the shitty behavior of its creator. That quote resonated with me.
ETA: I also loved this bit of the quote.. I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.
If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.
I agree. I think once we throw our art at there - it stops being just ours.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-31 05:18 pm (UTC)