Falling down and getting up again.
Nov. 5th, 2010 11:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatDifficult weekend ahead. Now that I have an agent - she wants to take me to lots of places. One on Saturday, and four on Sunday. Somehow I have to find a way to fit church activities admist all of this apartment hunting, which admittedly gives me the heebie jeebies - or jitters. The apartment hunting not church.
Church last week had a rather annoying guest speaker that put me in a foul mood. Not comforting at all. Just snarky and holier than thou. Which I so don't need in church. I can get that on the internet and well at work and on tv, thank you very much. Luckily for me - it was a guest speaker.
Work aggravating. Everyone is grouchy. We all hate the Windows 2010 Word, Excel package. It's not that bad for MAC (as far as I can tell) but for Dell it is a nightmare. Can't find things. Documents won't open without shutting down the entire program and making it restart, then shutting it down again. Ugga bugga, indeed.
Add to the aggravation - two cold and rainy days...that smelled of old leaves and mud. Making me itchy and restless and a bit cranky.
Also...I've got a question for you all, it's rather general and I'm not even sure you've read this far or at all - so may not get any answers or just one or two.
What do you do when you realize that you are starting to, ahem, dislike a writer and a story thread/verse, characters that you loved to pieces? I'm not talking about something you casually like or a tv show you loved but never wrote about. I mean something that you invested in emotionally. Wrote meta on. Fanfic. Joined a fandom. Discussed to death. Drew pictures of.
Collected all the DVD's and stories about. Something you really loved. And then, wham...an episode, a comic, a novelization - something that the "original creator" - the writer you loved, creates or does with that story - makes you see it in a light...that well, causes you to feel
a sense of deep dissatisfaction and disappointment. And as time wears on...much like water and wind slowly eroding at rocks...you find your love for the characters, the verse and the writer eroding...until you wake up one day and think, I don't love this writer or his work any longer.
I don't even like it. It offends me. And you find yourself struggling with the feeling, because you don't want to dislike it, you want to like it, damn it! You want to...to hold on to what it felt like. But the more you try...it just doesn't quite work. And you think, uhm, okay, maybe I'll change my mind with the next episode or issue...maybe this is a passing phase, a mood...but it isn't. And well, you have this fandom you've joined. And they post comments to you only when you write about that show or that comic or that book. But you realize what you are writing is getting increasingly negative, increasingly ranty and snarky...and you feel like you might be alienating folks, losing friends, and you don't want to. You want to hold on to the fun. But...you really reallyhate have issues with what the writer is doing...to such a degree that you want to kick the writer or slap him upside the head and say, why? Why are you doing this to the characters I fell in love with? WHY!!! And you want to hurt this writer. You want this writer to feel your pain and your frustration. And you feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, and think...life is too short and maybe I should just not ever read anything by this silly writer again. But you want to know the end of the story or tv show...so you hang in there...but it gets worse.
Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do? Did you go find another fandom? Or just ignore everything that soured you on the writer and focus on the things you loved? Or shrug and move away from it all, after engaging a bit of private grief?
Now that I've written all of the above, odd as it may sound? I'm not sure I want to know the answers? Or perhaps I do, just without any advice attached? Like "you should do this or that", or "I don't get invested in such and such..." or "maybe you are just looking at it the wrong way". I think what I want tonight, in my cool apartment, is comfort. Hugs. A blanket. Or a touch. Such as..."yes, feel that way too, totally". Or "I have felt that way. And you are not an idiot for falling in love with a fictional piece of work only to become disappointed and disillusioned in it, regardless of what that work is or was, or minor it may seem to the world. It meant something to you, and that's all that is important."
The problem with life sometimes I think is regardless of what we do, we are always navigating around pot-holes, shit, quick-sand, and mosquitos, to get to the rainbows and sunshine.
Church last week had a rather annoying guest speaker that put me in a foul mood. Not comforting at all. Just snarky and holier than thou. Which I so don't need in church. I can get that on the internet and well at work and on tv, thank you very much. Luckily for me - it was a guest speaker.
Work aggravating. Everyone is grouchy. We all hate the Windows 2010 Word, Excel package. It's not that bad for MAC (as far as I can tell) but for Dell it is a nightmare. Can't find things. Documents won't open without shutting down the entire program and making it restart, then shutting it down again. Ugga bugga, indeed.
Add to the aggravation - two cold and rainy days...that smelled of old leaves and mud. Making me itchy and restless and a bit cranky.
Also...I've got a question for you all, it's rather general and I'm not even sure you've read this far or at all - so may not get any answers or just one or two.
What do you do when you realize that you are starting to, ahem, dislike a writer and a story thread/verse, characters that you loved to pieces? I'm not talking about something you casually like or a tv show you loved but never wrote about. I mean something that you invested in emotionally. Wrote meta on. Fanfic. Joined a fandom. Discussed to death. Drew pictures of.
Collected all the DVD's and stories about. Something you really loved. And then, wham...an episode, a comic, a novelization - something that the "original creator" - the writer you loved, creates or does with that story - makes you see it in a light...that well, causes you to feel
a sense of deep dissatisfaction and disappointment. And as time wears on...much like water and wind slowly eroding at rocks...you find your love for the characters, the verse and the writer eroding...until you wake up one day and think, I don't love this writer or his work any longer.
I don't even like it. It offends me. And you find yourself struggling with the feeling, because you don't want to dislike it, you want to like it, damn it! You want to...to hold on to what it felt like. But the more you try...it just doesn't quite work. And you think, uhm, okay, maybe I'll change my mind with the next episode or issue...maybe this is a passing phase, a mood...but it isn't. And well, you have this fandom you've joined. And they post comments to you only when you write about that show or that comic or that book. But you realize what you are writing is getting increasingly negative, increasingly ranty and snarky...and you feel like you might be alienating folks, losing friends, and you don't want to. You want to hold on to the fun. But...you really really
Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do? Did you go find another fandom? Or just ignore everything that soured you on the writer and focus on the things you loved? Or shrug and move away from it all, after engaging a bit of private grief?
Now that I've written all of the above, odd as it may sound? I'm not sure I want to know the answers? Or perhaps I do, just without any advice attached? Like "you should do this or that", or "I don't get invested in such and such..." or "maybe you are just looking at it the wrong way". I think what I want tonight, in my cool apartment, is comfort. Hugs. A blanket. Or a touch. Such as..."yes, feel that way too, totally". Or "I have felt that way. And you are not an idiot for falling in love with a fictional piece of work only to become disappointed and disillusioned in it, regardless of what that work is or was, or minor it may seem to the world. It meant something to you, and that's all that is important."
The problem with life sometimes I think is regardless of what we do, we are always navigating around pot-holes, shit, quick-sand, and mosquitos, to get to the rainbows and sunshine.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 04:40 am (UTC)I first started reading about Spidey when I was eight years old. Before I was ever in any fandom, before anything, I was a Spidey fan. I would read anything about him, watch any cartoon about him. I mean, Spidey doesn't have one set writer, but for the most part the writers wrote him as the same lovable relatable character that he'd been for the past forty plus years.
And then two years ago, One More Day and Brand New Day happened. For those who aren't into Marvel*g*, the editor in chief couldn't stand that Peter was married, so he did some stupid retcon to get rid of the marriage. Not just by you know, divorcing the character, but by having him make a deal with a demon to make it so the marriage never happened.
Bad enough in and of itself, showing a distinct lack of respect for the character of MJ and women in general, but you'd think they'd still have the character of Peter left, right?
Wrong!
Quesada wasn't pleased to just destroy Peter's marriage, no, that wasn't enough for him. Instead he completely and utterly wiped out everything that made Peter so lovable to begin with.
Now instead of beinga heroic underdog, he's a total loser. Because that's how Quesada sees the character. The character's sense of responsibility has been winnowed down to nearly nothing. He's been made opportunistic, selfish, utterly made of fail. And we're supposed to see this as a 'good' thing, because it makes him more like the 'everyman', more 'like the reader'.
I don't know about you, but I find that insulting as hell.
I could relate to the hero, I could relate to the good man that Peter was. I can't relate to the piece of scum they've turned him into.
Young should not equate stupid or soulless, no matter what Quesada might think. And the fact that the title has gone from being one of the most woman friendly comics Marvel has to misogynistic crap isn't helping either.
Sorry, I tend to go into rant mode after what's been done to my fave char. As a result I've lost more and more of my interest in Marvel and comics in general. In short, I've stopped buying comics, the most I still do is download them. Even titles that don't show the char destruction that regular universe Spidey has gone through, are tainted just by connection with Marvel as a whole.
I'm no longer even excited about the new movie that's in development, just because I no longer trust anyone connected to Quesada to create a movie that's even remotely about the Spider-Man I've loved since I was a child.
In short, it's tainted everything I've ever felt about the character and no matter how much I try to just give up on it, to stop reading to stop caring... I still just get angry whenever anything even reminds me of what was done to him. And it shortly sickens me to feel that way.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 04:33 pm (UTC)But yep...that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now.