Day 18- Happy Easter to those who celebrate..

Took a lengthy walk around the graveyard today. Or longer than I intended. I find the graveyard comforting - it's constantly changing. New graves and trees and flowers get added, and old trees removed. Today I saw a huge groundhog, who had popped out of a big hole in the ground, but then quickly retreated when I attempted to get close enough to take his picture. He poked his head out twice more, before retreating completely - I'm guessing he's camera shy? Can't say I blame him, so am I.

It shows me how life rambles onwards in spite of death, and with every loss there is new growth. We lost a lot of trees in the Cemetery this year, but new ones were planted.

Oh, that flowering Magnolia I loved - on Beverly and I think second street, it's gone now. The inhabitants of the house removed it from their yard, and paved over with concrete, they also put in astro-turf for their trampoline. People suck sometimes, just saying.



While attempting to watch the Church's Zoom Service - my mother called and asked if I wanted to talk to my father. I closed the Zoom service. Priorities, you know.

My father was impossible to understand. He was wearing a mask, and the man mumbles. And speaks softly. But the point was to hear my voice not his. So I talked to him as if he were in his right mind, and as loudly as I could.

I told him I loved him and wished him a Happy Easter. Not a lot more I could do.

Mother said the meeting went well...except for one thing.
( elderly sexual content falling under TMI -don't say you weren't warned )

Life is patently absurd. Just saying.

After talking to father - I went back to the church service and got to see MD's significant other play a marvelous pipe organ. The pipe organ is hard to play well - and I don't often like it, but this guy is really good. It requires a lot of training - there's multiple keys and pedals - and the video at church showed him playing them up close - which got it across.

Church also was about being comfortable with who you are, not listening to the noise telling you to be something else, and sticking to your course.
It was relatable for a change and spoke to me. At any rate - what was said was something my heart desperately needed to hear - since I've been feeling a tad heartsick lately and hopeless. So it helped, felt like a warm hug with words. If words can hug that is.

I also friended a woman on FB from my GH fanpage, she's a lovely soul. In her 70s. I told mother she reminded me of Granny.

Mother: How old is she?
Me: 74
Mother: You do realize she's younger than I am, right?

Always the comedian, my mother. Mother also advised that the hot Duke on Bridgerton was not going to be in the second season. (I already knew that - since I'd read he was up for James Bond. And he's a bit too hot to stay on that show as a supporting player. They are doing each of the books. The next one is her older brother. I don't know how well the series will do without the hot Duke, let's face it everyone was watching for the hot Duke - no one else.)



Citibikes have finally come to my block. Now, I have no excuse. You pay about $15 for a 30 minute bike ride. Or something like that. You can pay via Lift. I'm not entirely clear on how it works. I studied the directions on the tower powered by solar energy, but was bewildered. Also was trying to avoid the maskless male attendant docking the bikes properly.

Today, I had to inspire myself to take a walk, since I was happily eating chocolate easter candy and vegging in front of the television set. I watched This is Us - which is kind of melodramatic. Although I liked the episode about Randall's birth mother's romance with the Vietnamese immigrant.

Then I rented Promising Young Woman from On Demand for about $5.99 or thereabouts. It's a very dark comedy, about a thirty year old woman who gets vengeance on the men who got her best friend drunk, raped her, and videotaped it - resulting in her friend's death. We get snippets of what happened to her friend, but never really see it. The film is well done. I did not find it funny - my humor may be dark but it's not THAT dark. I did however find it satisfying - it's a revenge satire. Satire...I don't tend to laugh at, smile yes, laugh no.

It also shines a light on our problematic society, which is long past its day of reckoning. (Although I think it has arrived this year for quite few people who managed to slip beneath the radar.)

And I'm almost done with Michell Obama's Becoming which is...a mixed bag. She spends a lot of time talking about school shootings and kids being shot. It's painful. She really takes the back up through both administrations and elections. I have a feeling she may take it all the way to Trump entering the White House - not certain. Only have two hours and forty minutes left. It is a very long book.




The lovely thing about the cemetery - is it is now open until 7PM again. Which means I can walk around it after work - as long as I'm working remotely that is. I need exercise so this will help.

My goal this week - is to be kind to myself, exercise more, eat less sugar, and be calm.

We'll see if I accomplish it.

Entitlement & Promising Young Woman

I need to stop counting - it occurred to me that I skipped a day. I did day 13 twice. I got to go back and renumber again. Ugh.

1. Today's epiphany?

I'm having a discussion with someone on a fan board. And getting no where.
They end with "I'm entitled to my opinion." (This phrase irritates me. It's kind of like waving a red flag at a bull. I want to kick people when they say it. And I did, I wrote a response about whether we really should be entitled to express it? I mean we may be entitled to our opinion but not entitled to always express it - when it hurts someone else. She did not appreciate my comment - was rather put off by it actually. It probably came across as condescending - it's hard not to on a FB fanboard. She got all huffy.) I turned off notifications - in case someone else continued the conversation.

But it occurs to me? Yes, maybe you are entitled to an opinion (since we live in a free society), but are you entitled to express it if it hurts another person? And what if my opinion hurts you and makes you feel nasty? What then? Still on board for that? (Probably not - people are hypocrites.)

I hate that word "entitled". It irritates me.

I think we make choices and we need to be held accountable to those choices?

Anyhow, assuming we are entitled to our opinions, it isn't always wise to express them- particularly online. I'm learning that - I've gotten in trouble for expressing an opinion and learning not to do so. And not when they could hurt or injure someone else. Sometimes our opinions inadvertently hurt and damage others in ways we never intended or could foresee. Sometimes they are misunderstood. It's hard to be clear online.

Is expressing our opinion worth the pain and injury it caused? Sometimes - it is best not to express it at all or keep it to ourselves. Or be mindful in how it is expressed. Maybe saying nothing at all would be the better option?

(I figured this out courtesy of a fan board - finally. I'm a bit dense - you'd have thought I'd have figured it out much much much earlier. I like to think I get wiser with age? Also, I think part of the toxicity of the internet and social media - is a tendency to be a bit too free with one's opinions. Often not thinking first. Although the person I tried to express it to - did not take it at all well - and got huffy. But it made me think, at least.)

2. Just finished watching Promising Young Woman - the Carey Mulligan black comedy. I rented it for about $6 via on-demand.

It's a very dark black comedy, with a gut-punch of an ending. I did not laugh during it - my sense of humor is admittedly dark but not quite THAT dark.

Also a satire, and satire - I don't tend to find funny. So much as haunting and thought-provoking.

Emerald Fennell's film is a realist black comedy that kind of throws our toxic male culture in our face, with a Harley-Quinn style grin.

Carey Mulligan plays Cassie - a young 30 something, who dropped out of med school with her friend Nina several years ago. She's working in a coffee shop by day, and by night trolling bars on the prowl for toxic men. She sets them up by pretending to be drunk, they take her home, and she enacts her revenge. She's been doing this for a very long time.

When along comes Ryan, a former classmate, who is still in contact with the old gang. Cassie suddenly sees an opportunity to enact revenge on the actual culprits.

We're not really shown what she does to the men she traps. Nor are we shown what happened in the past, so much as what it did to Cassie, and the implications. It's all subtly implied. Rape and violence are implied, not really shown. In fact there are no actual sex scenes in the film.

It's a revenge film, with a gut-punch twist of an ending, told in pastels.

And it will haunt me for a while.

Here's a really interesting article on the film - but it is spoilery - spoils the entire movie and ending. So only for those who haven't seen it yet.