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Loving the Contradictions in Stories...
Whenever I post something on my journal online, does not matter what it is or the style I choose, I worry about how people will choose to respond to it. I can imagine all the possibilities, and certainly speculate about each and every one, but I never know how exactly they will respond. And the responses invariably are the opposite of what I expect and more often than not surprise me. Proving that human beings are not predictable and defy categorization or definition. And to be honest? I can't even predict what my own taste or interest will be on any given occasion. It is constantly in flux, inconsistent, and often defies pattern-analysis or pigeon-holing. The best I can come up with is that I am intrigued by certain aspects in characters or human behavior. Why people do what they do, and in particular the decisions people make that defy expectation, that go against what one might predict.
Thought about the tv shows that I currently adore and don't want to miss in comparison to those that I half-watch or am more ambivalent about. Or even those that I tried and quickly gave up on. What is it that keeps me enthralled? What is the common deminoator. Why do I want to pick Lone Star as opposed to The Event next week? OR why do I adore House but find Castle dull?
Here's a list of the shows that I adore, with a quick explanation of what keeps me enthralled. Well, I will certainly attempt to be quick. Please note the style of this post is more serious in tone and less conversational. This is deliberate. It means, I'm being serious and not snarky. I change my writing style to fit mood and intent. It's my way of letting the reader know how to respond or rather how I will most likely read their response.
If you choose to do this yourself? Basically list the tv shows or books or films or whatever you adore and explain why. Is it a character that keeps you enthralled, or a theme, or a plot?
1. House
I think I love House for much the same reason I read and watch every Sherlock Holmes flick that comes my way...there is something about the character that intrigues me. He is such a lost soul. In last year's brilliant season finale - which was in truth a character sketch - House was put through the wringer. But there's a moment in the story...a turning point, where the character makes an interesting decision, one that makes complete sense, but is also surprising. He is underground in a collasped parking garage helping in a retrieval effort. He's there against his will - he would much rather focus on the crane operator who caused the parking garage collaspe then help Cuddy, his boss and object of his unrequited affections, retrieve the injured. And he has just gotten off the phone with his pal Wilson - asking Wilson to find out for him what Cuddy is up to with her live-in boyfriend Lucas. When he hears a tap. It could be anything. There's no reason for him to care. But he goes to investigate, even though he's in pain, stumbling on an injured leg and distracted. And the tap only happens once or twice. But...he investigates anyway, going so far as to scoot through rubble into a hole, not knowing what he will find. He is curious.
It is his main flaw and main strength - that curiousity. The decision fascinates me - because it changes everything. The woman he finds - dies. But House's choice to help her - changes his life.
It is a harrowing experience. Takes him to rock bottom. And each choice he makes is expected, yet unexpected. He shows compassion for this stranger, goes out of his way to help her, does everything right - and yet, as he states at the end - it just didn't matter. It did not make a difference. He's still alone, he has nothing, and she is dead, and he's in pain. That feeling of futility...of wanting to just curl up and escape, I know it well and I found myself curious to see how he would handle it. There's something about this character snarling at the world, yet at the same time going out of his way to help - sometimes out of mere curiousity - that moves me. Cuddy too is interesting - her choices run the gamut, she does not want to love House but clearly does and you can see why that conflict exists.
I thought at the end of the episode, which I've watched at least four times since it first aired,that this is a hero. The heroism and virtue was unexpected and therefore earned. He didn't do it for himself. He gained nothing. It didn't work out. Yet, what he does is heroic - and he didn't have to, he had the opportunity to leave and being House, you expect him to, he has before. He's compulsive and obsessive and tends to focus on interesting patients. But he stays. He does what isn't easy, what is painful, and hard, and devasting...and traumatic. And worse? He fails. He does everything right, yet fails! Failure in our society is often overlooked or ignored, but I find it more interesting. It is easy to win, it is far harder to fail, and get back up again.
2. Vampire Diaries
I admittedly enjoy mocking this series, but there is a reason I continue to watch it. I almost gave up on it last year - until somewhere around the sixth episode, where one of the characters did something I did not expect. Damon. He surprised me. What he did was help Elena remove Jeremy's memories of Vicky, and then he got involved with Alaric...in a way that was somewhat unexpected. His motives were no longer clear-cut. We also got flashbacks - discovering that Damon had served in the War, and left it, disillusioned. There's pain beneath the snark. So I kept watching. Curious. Then, Anna, a young vampire girl was introduced, along with her mother, and a character named Isobel, Elena's biological mother. Each of these characters were not what I expected. They were conflicted characters, struggling with who they were, and their own desires. Anna's love for Jeremy that comes mainly from her own lonliness and sense of isolation - both of which Jeremy can identify with. Unlike his popular sister, Jeremy feels out of place, and can't quite fit in. I can't identify with Elena - she's the pretty popular girl who every boy within ten feet falls head over in heels in love with at first sight and as a result can easily with little effort wrap them around her fingers. Makes friends easily. Unrequited love or even rejection are unknown quantities. She really doesn't understand that type of pain, so as a result tends to be insensitive and brutal. That's my problem with series - the women in it - are entitled brats. Bonnie may be the only exception...but it is hard to tell. They are sort of ugly to me and all look alike. The same facial structure, and long hair. The introduction of Anna - and even Isobel gave me hope...which was dashed.
That said, Damon fascinates. He makes unexpected choices. You think he is going to kill someone, but he doesn't. Or how he deals with Jeremy, when Elena isn't present. It's interesting that he chooses to kill him or damage Jeremy when she is present, yet is kind and understanding when she's not. In fact it is only Katherine who knows how Damon felt when Anna died or about Jeremy, not Elena. He has not shown Elena that side of himself. And well, who can blame him? Elena after all is not that different from Katherine - somewhat glib when it comes to emotional attachments like many pretty popular teenage girls who did not spin about their rooms wondering if they would ever date or ever get that handsome boy to notice them. Love comes easy to Elena, she's never really had to earn it. It's unclear what Damon thinks. But his curiousity about the Lockwoods, and his desire to help Stefan through the addiction were contradictions, yet not.
Like Gregory House, Damon is a bit of a lost soul. He doesn't know if anything matters. He looks upwards and sees the abyss, and looks down and sees rough earth. His brother...sigh, appears to get everything handed to him, without working all that hard at it. We are told in flashbacks that Damon was sent to War, Stefan kept home. And Stefan has the father's love, not Damon. Stefan has Katherine's not Damon. Damon comes second. Yet, Stefan makes certain Damon turns - is it out of love or brutal fear of lonilness? I identify with having a younger brother who seemingly gets everything easily. Who as my Aunt would state - falls into manure but comes out clean. And Stefan does. The teflon hero. But the heroism unlike Greg House's is not earned. It is expected. Stefan wins the girl. He never fails. While Damon appears to do nothing but fail, fall down, and screw up. And I find myself intrigued that he doesn't give up. Can I be good he asks Katherine/Elena. Do I have good in me? Stefan never has to ask - and maybe he should. Will the pain ever end? And why continue if it does?
Why does Damon snap Jeremy's neck one moment. And the next offer Jeremy comfort and camaraderi? The character intrigues, so I watch. And I find myself enraptured by his struggle.
3.
Smallville - a show that people love to mock and rip to shreds. Stating it's gotten really bad. Odd. I found the last three seasons fairly interesting, while the first four sort of cliche and silly. High school? Meh. I've forgotten it, thank god.
What makes me watch Smallville is the female characters. Tess, Lois, and Chloe who have become the most complex female characters in genre tv. Smallville may well be the only feminist genre series on. It passes the Bechdel test hands down, and each female character has been developed, and explored beyond and above the male characters. Lois is not just the spunky reporter, and somewhat dumb damsel that we've seen in the movies, comic books, etc - she's a tough fighter in her own right, with a military background, and a desire to carve a nitch for herself as a reporter. She is not domestic and quite the tomboy. Plus she's had to fight for Clark's affections, they do not come easily - fighting his first love Lana. Even Lana - who started out as weak and simpering pretty popular girl that I could not stand, became a fascinating and multi-faceated heroine. At times incredibly dark and manipulative. Lana's arc is actually more interesting than Lex or Clark's. Same with Chloe - who starts out a reporter, then changes over time to become not just Clark's side-kick, but in a way his Watcher. She is no damsel either. Brainy, smart, and at times anti-heroic. Completely unpredictable. Yet in some respects far more heroic than Clark ever is.
Her heroism is also earned. As is Lana's. Lana who sacrifices everything for strength, for the ability to help and not be a victim. Then there is Tess - the villainess, yet not. She is not really a villain, not in the way Lex was - in some respects she is far more complicated. As are her motives. She wants to build a better world, a cleaner world. In a way she is a product of the men who have abused her - Lex and Oliver Green. But she refuses to be defined by them.
I'm intrigued by these female characters and surprised by them. Initially the show was basically a guy show. No strong women in evidence. And sappy romance. But it changed after they got out of high-school and past the college crap. Once the parents exited the scene, the story took off in a new and interesting direction. Clark himself - is different than in the comics - here he is not clearly the hero all the time. He screws up. He is allowed to fail. And he struggles with what it means to have power, to be invulnerable, to be able to destroy by flicking a finger. The struggle to control others - to use one's power to do so, to do evil to do good is a constant theme and in some respects explored better here than in the Buffy comics, or at the very least more coherently.
4. Supernatural
Another odd show. I didn't like it to start, and much like Vampire Diaries and Smallville - snarked and mocked, and shrugged it off. But people convinced me to give it another shot - and I did. This show is the rare breed that actually gets better as it moves forward. The fourth and fifth seasons were by far it's best. The characters of Dean, Sam, Buddy (the father figure), Castiel, the Prophet/Writer (who turned out to be god, ah, someone who gets it) - all are well-drawn and multi-faceted characters. Granted it is as far from feminist as one can get, but it is also noir and noir is not a feminist genre...any more than Westerns tend to be. (Although there are feminist Westerns and noir out there). I suppose I should care...but Dean fascinates me and his relationship with Sam, resonates. I identify with him on some deep level.
Dean - the older brother, who respected his parents, and wants to be a hero, yet keeps struggling with it. He's not clean cut. He's rough around the edges. And he's more father and mother to his brother...than anyone else. He raised Sam, not his parents, and that resentment digs deep. Yet, you aren't quite sure who he resents, Sam or his parents. Maybe both. His relationship with the arch-Angel Castiel - is humorous yet touching. Castiel acts as both a sounding board and a sort of odd god-parent, big-brother type. A conscience. Forcing Dean to look at himself and at Sam, and at the situation.
Dean rails at the universe, and you never quite know what he will do. Will he take the easy way out or do the hard thing? He snarks, he mocks, he makes fun. Sam is far more serious. And is set up as the nice one, the good one, the favored. Yet we learn this is not the case - in reality, Sam is doomed, and Dean is the only thing that stands between Sam and the abyss. Can he save his brother? Does he want to? Should he? What is the relationship between two sibilings? To what degree are we responsible to a brother or a sister for that matter? What is the bond?
5.
Grey's Anatomy
One of the few multi-racial series on tv. Written and run by Shondra Rimes (one of the few black woman writing and running a network tv show, possibly the only one) - Grey's can blow me away. Last year's season finale was a piece of art. Re-watched it last night and it still riveted me. It was about a shooter in the hospital, but was an examination of five characters - Meredith, Cristina, Derek, Bailey, and the Cheif. With others filling in the gaps. Meredith discusses how the hospital is her safe place, her church, where she grew up, where she studied, her family, her love is there - and it is in the space of one day taken from her. Having experienced that myself to a degree - I could identify. That loss of innocence - the realization that safety is but an illusion. Bailey who prides herself on being a surgeon, denies that she is one, states she's a nurse to preserve her life and berates herself for doing it - stating I was a coward. And is torn apart with grief when she can't save the resident intern that she didn't even like that much - her heroic actions in attempting to save him and failing miserably due to no fault of her own are wrenching. Then there's the Cheif - Cheif Webber, former Cheif of the hospital, who has celebrated his anniversary of being sober. He finds himself face to face with Mr. Clark - the shooter, who came to the hospital to kill Webber, and two others - because they removed Mr. Clark's wife from a respirator and allowed her to die. What could be considered by some to be melodramatic - isn't.
It's a quiet scene. Clark states he only has one bullet. And Webber tells him that he has a choice to live or die - take my life, and live - deal with prison, or take your own, and die and possibly see your wife again. The moment is slowly built to and the result is earned, and each character's choice interwoven and entangled, to the point, you can't quite figure out who is to blame, if anyone. Demonstrating how our choices hurt or help others at any given moment.
I watch Grey's mainly for Cristina - snarky Cristina. Who is glib and insenstive, yet surprisingly caring. Who goes out of her way to save Meredith's husband, with a gun pointed at her head. I never know what Cristina will do. She is defensive and fearless about surgery, yet terrified of intimacy. She starts out as unwilling to hug, uncomfortable with hugs, to telling Meredith, okay, let's hug it out - yet still does it awkwardly. I love her to pieces. Never whiny. And calling people on their shit. She is one of the few Koreans on tv.
6.
Gossip Girl - ridiculous show, snarky, satirical, yet soapy and preening. Although it may well be on it's last legs, last season was not as rich as the previous two.
I watch for Chuck Bass - who surprises me. The entitled, spoiled, and incredibly lost and self-hating poor little rich boy. And Blair Wooldrof - his equal. They are the Valmont and Marquise
of Les Liasons Dangereux. Doomed by their own selfishness, yet at the same time almost redeemed by their unfailing loyality and compassion for people you'd least suspect. They fail at human relations miserably. Perfect examples of how you can make pretty entitled people fascinating and not simpering and boring.
7. Mad Men
Peggy. Ah. Peggy. A character that I disliked the first season, and have grown to adore. Always surprising. She makes those around her more interesting. A series that is so textured and so detailed that you find new things in it each time you watch. This season may well be the best to date. Each advertisement serving as a metaphor for the characters dilemmas.
I meant for this to be brief, but I apparently had more to say regarding the shows and this topic than I thought. But, it's late and seven tv shows is enough. I know, I know, I watch far too many. Please, I beg of you dear reader, do not attempt to pigeon hole me by these shows, because I have not listed all the ones I watch. And most of these, I rarely discuss. And it would be wrong to state that these are the only ones I love or that I love them all the time or are always compelled by them.
There is for instance The Good Wife - that I adore to pieces, all the characters interest me, and it contains my three favorite female characters - one of which obtained an emmy this year. I watch it for the women, who show in minute detail what it is like to live in a male-run universe. They rail against it, never give up. And I find each one of them heroic in their own right. Alicia who refuses to cater to her husband or her boss who both vie for her attentions and both seek to control her, her friend and the Private Detective for the firm (whose name I can't remember for the life of me) - that is struggling with being a woman in a man's field - clever, smart, and clearly bi-sexual and does not let men tell her how to behave, and finally Christine Baranski's smart partner, who struggles to wield power and control in a world that tells her women shouldn't have any. Each navigate the tricky politics of their positions as well as the legal system the best way they can. The Good Wife has to be the most realistic Legal series I've seen, and depicts the many reasons I choose not to pursue law or litigation as a career. I find it oddly comforting and inspiring. And I feel I know these women. They are complicated.
Or for that matter tv shows like Glee - that uses songs as ways to explore the emotional landmines its characters traverse. Pokerface - a silly dance song - takes on new meaning sung as a duet by Rachel and her newfound Mom, or Like A Virgin - a satrical song by Madonna, becomes a painful allegory on casual sex or losing virginity. Glee may be the only series that has a character who is older than 18 that still has her virginity - which makes it oddly realistic in this weird age, where everyone assumes everyone else has had lots and lots of sex and if they haven't there is something wrong with them. Glee makes fun of it. Satirizes that attitude that has been promoted by the media ever since I can remember.
And finally The Big Bang Theory - which is the only sitcom I'm DVRing at the moment, with possible exception of Community - which I'm on the fence about. Big Bang sucked me in. Sheldon who is annoying, yet endearing. Leonard who is the Oscar to Sheldon's Felix in Big Bang's reworking of the Odd Couple. With Penny playing straight woman to them. At first it felt sexist, and perhaps it still is, but when you realize the pov, it isn't. I watch for Sheldon, who reminds me at times of my own cousin, an odd cat, brilliant yet dumb, contradictions. And I guess it is here we see the pattern - I love the contradictions. Characters who are contradictory things. Greg House who is nasty, yet also kind. Damon who is cruel, but comforting. Razor sharp, yet vulnerable. Two things that don't appear possible. Good and evil, light and dark, male and female, lies and truth, life and death...all exist hand in hand, yin and yang, both inside us at the same time. No one truly is just one or the other. We have male and female aspects in our personalities. Some swing more one way than the other, some are clearly both. The contradiction fascinates me. How we handle having both? How do we choose which is which or what is what? Characters that are contradictory are human, characters that aren't - well are idealized versions or simplestic allegories of what we want human to be.
It would be simpler, I think sometimes, if I could be pigeonholed. If I could swear that I'm good, that I would not hurt anyone. But I don't know what I'll do. I try not to, I choose not to. But there are days that I am wickedly stupid and cruel, and others that I am kind and wise. Characters who traverse this landscape, who struggle with the inherent contradictions inside and often flail wildly, as they hover over the abyss intrigue me. I root for their survival for them to succeed, but I never know if they will - any more than I know for certain any of us will.
Stories for me - are ways to deal with pain, with fear, to understand myself, to understand others, and to laugh, to love, to cry, and figure out the problems...that haunt dreams and nightmares. I do not expect others to share my tastes or the stories and characters I've fallen for. I am, in truth, more often than not, somewhat surprised and bewildered when they do. I was shocked to find so many people around the world of various ages, creeds, races, sexes, etc - who adored Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And that so many loved it in the way I did...shocked me even more.
I did not expect it. I was equally shocked to learn people loved Kimba as kids, as I did.
It is actually more shocking to me to find those who share my views, than those who don't. I expect the rejection, I expect the argument. I dread it. Hence the worry about posting. The fear.
You want to connect, but you don't expect it. And you think how silly, or rather I do (you here is meant generally not specifically), it is just a tv show, just a story, not worth the worry or the time to write about it. The term the idiot box is ground into my head by peers, parents, teachers, bosses..And at work, it is a rare thing to find someone who watches the same show I do. But we rarely speak of it. There are no water-cooler chats - which others brag over. So, in most cases, not all, the watching of the tale or the reading of it is a solitary invent. The sharing of it - a gift, whether that sharing be in joy, or mockery, or ranting...the meeting of minds over one of the three or all together - brings a laugh or a smile. While the discordant disagreement a rise in blood-pressure and painful self-examination...struggling to understand the other view, while at the same token, struggling to explain my own without erupting with frustration in my failed attempt to do so. I think when the latter happens, that I've failed miserably as both writer and reader. And wonder to myself why bother at all. While at the same time - I rail at myself for caring so much, and am deeply embarrassed. As well..as well as thinking, disagreement is good, it challenges.
The problem with life, sometimes I think, is there are no clear-cut or comforting answers. Only endless questions.
[I'm writing this on my new MacBook PRo, which I'm still getting used to.]
Thought about the tv shows that I currently adore and don't want to miss in comparison to those that I half-watch or am more ambivalent about. Or even those that I tried and quickly gave up on. What is it that keeps me enthralled? What is the common deminoator. Why do I want to pick Lone Star as opposed to The Event next week? OR why do I adore House but find Castle dull?
Here's a list of the shows that I adore, with a quick explanation of what keeps me enthralled. Well, I will certainly attempt to be quick. Please note the style of this post is more serious in tone and less conversational. This is deliberate. It means, I'm being serious and not snarky. I change my writing style to fit mood and intent. It's my way of letting the reader know how to respond or rather how I will most likely read their response.
If you choose to do this yourself? Basically list the tv shows or books or films or whatever you adore and explain why. Is it a character that keeps you enthralled, or a theme, or a plot?
1. House
I think I love House for much the same reason I read and watch every Sherlock Holmes flick that comes my way...there is something about the character that intrigues me. He is such a lost soul. In last year's brilliant season finale - which was in truth a character sketch - House was put through the wringer. But there's a moment in the story...a turning point, where the character makes an interesting decision, one that makes complete sense, but is also surprising. He is underground in a collasped parking garage helping in a retrieval effort. He's there against his will - he would much rather focus on the crane operator who caused the parking garage collaspe then help Cuddy, his boss and object of his unrequited affections, retrieve the injured. And he has just gotten off the phone with his pal Wilson - asking Wilson to find out for him what Cuddy is up to with her live-in boyfriend Lucas. When he hears a tap. It could be anything. There's no reason for him to care. But he goes to investigate, even though he's in pain, stumbling on an injured leg and distracted. And the tap only happens once or twice. But...he investigates anyway, going so far as to scoot through rubble into a hole, not knowing what he will find. He is curious.
It is his main flaw and main strength - that curiousity. The decision fascinates me - because it changes everything. The woman he finds - dies. But House's choice to help her - changes his life.
It is a harrowing experience. Takes him to rock bottom. And each choice he makes is expected, yet unexpected. He shows compassion for this stranger, goes out of his way to help her, does everything right - and yet, as he states at the end - it just didn't matter. It did not make a difference. He's still alone, he has nothing, and she is dead, and he's in pain. That feeling of futility...of wanting to just curl up and escape, I know it well and I found myself curious to see how he would handle it. There's something about this character snarling at the world, yet at the same time going out of his way to help - sometimes out of mere curiousity - that moves me. Cuddy too is interesting - her choices run the gamut, she does not want to love House but clearly does and you can see why that conflict exists.
I thought at the end of the episode, which I've watched at least four times since it first aired,that this is a hero. The heroism and virtue was unexpected and therefore earned. He didn't do it for himself. He gained nothing. It didn't work out. Yet, what he does is heroic - and he didn't have to, he had the opportunity to leave and being House, you expect him to, he has before. He's compulsive and obsessive and tends to focus on interesting patients. But he stays. He does what isn't easy, what is painful, and hard, and devasting...and traumatic. And worse? He fails. He does everything right, yet fails! Failure in our society is often overlooked or ignored, but I find it more interesting. It is easy to win, it is far harder to fail, and get back up again.
2. Vampire Diaries
I admittedly enjoy mocking this series, but there is a reason I continue to watch it. I almost gave up on it last year - until somewhere around the sixth episode, where one of the characters did something I did not expect. Damon. He surprised me. What he did was help Elena remove Jeremy's memories of Vicky, and then he got involved with Alaric...in a way that was somewhat unexpected. His motives were no longer clear-cut. We also got flashbacks - discovering that Damon had served in the War, and left it, disillusioned. There's pain beneath the snark. So I kept watching. Curious. Then, Anna, a young vampire girl was introduced, along with her mother, and a character named Isobel, Elena's biological mother. Each of these characters were not what I expected. They were conflicted characters, struggling with who they were, and their own desires. Anna's love for Jeremy that comes mainly from her own lonliness and sense of isolation - both of which Jeremy can identify with. Unlike his popular sister, Jeremy feels out of place, and can't quite fit in. I can't identify with Elena - she's the pretty popular girl who every boy within ten feet falls head over in heels in love with at first sight and as a result can easily with little effort wrap them around her fingers. Makes friends easily. Unrequited love or even rejection are unknown quantities. She really doesn't understand that type of pain, so as a result tends to be insensitive and brutal. That's my problem with series - the women in it - are entitled brats. Bonnie may be the only exception...but it is hard to tell. They are sort of ugly to me and all look alike. The same facial structure, and long hair. The introduction of Anna - and even Isobel gave me hope...which was dashed.
That said, Damon fascinates. He makes unexpected choices. You think he is going to kill someone, but he doesn't. Or how he deals with Jeremy, when Elena isn't present. It's interesting that he chooses to kill him or damage Jeremy when she is present, yet is kind and understanding when she's not. In fact it is only Katherine who knows how Damon felt when Anna died or about Jeremy, not Elena. He has not shown Elena that side of himself. And well, who can blame him? Elena after all is not that different from Katherine - somewhat glib when it comes to emotional attachments like many pretty popular teenage girls who did not spin about their rooms wondering if they would ever date or ever get that handsome boy to notice them. Love comes easy to Elena, she's never really had to earn it. It's unclear what Damon thinks. But his curiousity about the Lockwoods, and his desire to help Stefan through the addiction were contradictions, yet not.
Like Gregory House, Damon is a bit of a lost soul. He doesn't know if anything matters. He looks upwards and sees the abyss, and looks down and sees rough earth. His brother...sigh, appears to get everything handed to him, without working all that hard at it. We are told in flashbacks that Damon was sent to War, Stefan kept home. And Stefan has the father's love, not Damon. Stefan has Katherine's not Damon. Damon comes second. Yet, Stefan makes certain Damon turns - is it out of love or brutal fear of lonilness? I identify with having a younger brother who seemingly gets everything easily. Who as my Aunt would state - falls into manure but comes out clean. And Stefan does. The teflon hero. But the heroism unlike Greg House's is not earned. It is expected. Stefan wins the girl. He never fails. While Damon appears to do nothing but fail, fall down, and screw up. And I find myself intrigued that he doesn't give up. Can I be good he asks Katherine/Elena. Do I have good in me? Stefan never has to ask - and maybe he should. Will the pain ever end? And why continue if it does?
Why does Damon snap Jeremy's neck one moment. And the next offer Jeremy comfort and camaraderi? The character intrigues, so I watch. And I find myself enraptured by his struggle.
3.
Smallville - a show that people love to mock and rip to shreds. Stating it's gotten really bad. Odd. I found the last three seasons fairly interesting, while the first four sort of cliche and silly. High school? Meh. I've forgotten it, thank god.
What makes me watch Smallville is the female characters. Tess, Lois, and Chloe who have become the most complex female characters in genre tv. Smallville may well be the only feminist genre series on. It passes the Bechdel test hands down, and each female character has been developed, and explored beyond and above the male characters. Lois is not just the spunky reporter, and somewhat dumb damsel that we've seen in the movies, comic books, etc - she's a tough fighter in her own right, with a military background, and a desire to carve a nitch for herself as a reporter. She is not domestic and quite the tomboy. Plus she's had to fight for Clark's affections, they do not come easily - fighting his first love Lana. Even Lana - who started out as weak and simpering pretty popular girl that I could not stand, became a fascinating and multi-faceated heroine. At times incredibly dark and manipulative. Lana's arc is actually more interesting than Lex or Clark's. Same with Chloe - who starts out a reporter, then changes over time to become not just Clark's side-kick, but in a way his Watcher. She is no damsel either. Brainy, smart, and at times anti-heroic. Completely unpredictable. Yet in some respects far more heroic than Clark ever is.
Her heroism is also earned. As is Lana's. Lana who sacrifices everything for strength, for the ability to help and not be a victim. Then there is Tess - the villainess, yet not. She is not really a villain, not in the way Lex was - in some respects she is far more complicated. As are her motives. She wants to build a better world, a cleaner world. In a way she is a product of the men who have abused her - Lex and Oliver Green. But she refuses to be defined by them.
I'm intrigued by these female characters and surprised by them. Initially the show was basically a guy show. No strong women in evidence. And sappy romance. But it changed after they got out of high-school and past the college crap. Once the parents exited the scene, the story took off in a new and interesting direction. Clark himself - is different than in the comics - here he is not clearly the hero all the time. He screws up. He is allowed to fail. And he struggles with what it means to have power, to be invulnerable, to be able to destroy by flicking a finger. The struggle to control others - to use one's power to do so, to do evil to do good is a constant theme and in some respects explored better here than in the Buffy comics, or at the very least more coherently.
4. Supernatural
Another odd show. I didn't like it to start, and much like Vampire Diaries and Smallville - snarked and mocked, and shrugged it off. But people convinced me to give it another shot - and I did. This show is the rare breed that actually gets better as it moves forward. The fourth and fifth seasons were by far it's best. The characters of Dean, Sam, Buddy (the father figure), Castiel, the Prophet/Writer (who turned out to be god, ah, someone who gets it) - all are well-drawn and multi-faceted characters. Granted it is as far from feminist as one can get, but it is also noir and noir is not a feminist genre...any more than Westerns tend to be. (Although there are feminist Westerns and noir out there). I suppose I should care...but Dean fascinates me and his relationship with Sam, resonates. I identify with him on some deep level.
Dean - the older brother, who respected his parents, and wants to be a hero, yet keeps struggling with it. He's not clean cut. He's rough around the edges. And he's more father and mother to his brother...than anyone else. He raised Sam, not his parents, and that resentment digs deep. Yet, you aren't quite sure who he resents, Sam or his parents. Maybe both. His relationship with the arch-Angel Castiel - is humorous yet touching. Castiel acts as both a sounding board and a sort of odd god-parent, big-brother type. A conscience. Forcing Dean to look at himself and at Sam, and at the situation.
Dean rails at the universe, and you never quite know what he will do. Will he take the easy way out or do the hard thing? He snarks, he mocks, he makes fun. Sam is far more serious. And is set up as the nice one, the good one, the favored. Yet we learn this is not the case - in reality, Sam is doomed, and Dean is the only thing that stands between Sam and the abyss. Can he save his brother? Does he want to? Should he? What is the relationship between two sibilings? To what degree are we responsible to a brother or a sister for that matter? What is the bond?
5.
Grey's Anatomy
One of the few multi-racial series on tv. Written and run by Shondra Rimes (one of the few black woman writing and running a network tv show, possibly the only one) - Grey's can blow me away. Last year's season finale was a piece of art. Re-watched it last night and it still riveted me. It was about a shooter in the hospital, but was an examination of five characters - Meredith, Cristina, Derek, Bailey, and the Cheif. With others filling in the gaps. Meredith discusses how the hospital is her safe place, her church, where she grew up, where she studied, her family, her love is there - and it is in the space of one day taken from her. Having experienced that myself to a degree - I could identify. That loss of innocence - the realization that safety is but an illusion. Bailey who prides herself on being a surgeon, denies that she is one, states she's a nurse to preserve her life and berates herself for doing it - stating I was a coward. And is torn apart with grief when she can't save the resident intern that she didn't even like that much - her heroic actions in attempting to save him and failing miserably due to no fault of her own are wrenching. Then there's the Cheif - Cheif Webber, former Cheif of the hospital, who has celebrated his anniversary of being sober. He finds himself face to face with Mr. Clark - the shooter, who came to the hospital to kill Webber, and two others - because they removed Mr. Clark's wife from a respirator and allowed her to die. What could be considered by some to be melodramatic - isn't.
It's a quiet scene. Clark states he only has one bullet. And Webber tells him that he has a choice to live or die - take my life, and live - deal with prison, or take your own, and die and possibly see your wife again. The moment is slowly built to and the result is earned, and each character's choice interwoven and entangled, to the point, you can't quite figure out who is to blame, if anyone. Demonstrating how our choices hurt or help others at any given moment.
I watch Grey's mainly for Cristina - snarky Cristina. Who is glib and insenstive, yet surprisingly caring. Who goes out of her way to save Meredith's husband, with a gun pointed at her head. I never know what Cristina will do. She is defensive and fearless about surgery, yet terrified of intimacy. She starts out as unwilling to hug, uncomfortable with hugs, to telling Meredith, okay, let's hug it out - yet still does it awkwardly. I love her to pieces. Never whiny. And calling people on their shit. She is one of the few Koreans on tv.
6.
Gossip Girl - ridiculous show, snarky, satirical, yet soapy and preening. Although it may well be on it's last legs, last season was not as rich as the previous two.
I watch for Chuck Bass - who surprises me. The entitled, spoiled, and incredibly lost and self-hating poor little rich boy. And Blair Wooldrof - his equal. They are the Valmont and Marquise
of Les Liasons Dangereux. Doomed by their own selfishness, yet at the same time almost redeemed by their unfailing loyality and compassion for people you'd least suspect. They fail at human relations miserably. Perfect examples of how you can make pretty entitled people fascinating and not simpering and boring.
7. Mad Men
Peggy. Ah. Peggy. A character that I disliked the first season, and have grown to adore. Always surprising. She makes those around her more interesting. A series that is so textured and so detailed that you find new things in it each time you watch. This season may well be the best to date. Each advertisement serving as a metaphor for the characters dilemmas.
I meant for this to be brief, but I apparently had more to say regarding the shows and this topic than I thought. But, it's late and seven tv shows is enough. I know, I know, I watch far too many. Please, I beg of you dear reader, do not attempt to pigeon hole me by these shows, because I have not listed all the ones I watch. And most of these, I rarely discuss. And it would be wrong to state that these are the only ones I love or that I love them all the time or are always compelled by them.
There is for instance The Good Wife - that I adore to pieces, all the characters interest me, and it contains my three favorite female characters - one of which obtained an emmy this year. I watch it for the women, who show in minute detail what it is like to live in a male-run universe. They rail against it, never give up. And I find each one of them heroic in their own right. Alicia who refuses to cater to her husband or her boss who both vie for her attentions and both seek to control her, her friend and the Private Detective for the firm (whose name I can't remember for the life of me) - that is struggling with being a woman in a man's field - clever, smart, and clearly bi-sexual and does not let men tell her how to behave, and finally Christine Baranski's smart partner, who struggles to wield power and control in a world that tells her women shouldn't have any. Each navigate the tricky politics of their positions as well as the legal system the best way they can. The Good Wife has to be the most realistic Legal series I've seen, and depicts the many reasons I choose not to pursue law or litigation as a career. I find it oddly comforting and inspiring. And I feel I know these women. They are complicated.
Or for that matter tv shows like Glee - that uses songs as ways to explore the emotional landmines its characters traverse. Pokerface - a silly dance song - takes on new meaning sung as a duet by Rachel and her newfound Mom, or Like A Virgin - a satrical song by Madonna, becomes a painful allegory on casual sex or losing virginity. Glee may be the only series that has a character who is older than 18 that still has her virginity - which makes it oddly realistic in this weird age, where everyone assumes everyone else has had lots and lots of sex and if they haven't there is something wrong with them. Glee makes fun of it. Satirizes that attitude that has been promoted by the media ever since I can remember.
And finally The Big Bang Theory - which is the only sitcom I'm DVRing at the moment, with possible exception of Community - which I'm on the fence about. Big Bang sucked me in. Sheldon who is annoying, yet endearing. Leonard who is the Oscar to Sheldon's Felix in Big Bang's reworking of the Odd Couple. With Penny playing straight woman to them. At first it felt sexist, and perhaps it still is, but when you realize the pov, it isn't. I watch for Sheldon, who reminds me at times of my own cousin, an odd cat, brilliant yet dumb, contradictions. And I guess it is here we see the pattern - I love the contradictions. Characters who are contradictory things. Greg House who is nasty, yet also kind. Damon who is cruel, but comforting. Razor sharp, yet vulnerable. Two things that don't appear possible. Good and evil, light and dark, male and female, lies and truth, life and death...all exist hand in hand, yin and yang, both inside us at the same time. No one truly is just one or the other. We have male and female aspects in our personalities. Some swing more one way than the other, some are clearly both. The contradiction fascinates me. How we handle having both? How do we choose which is which or what is what? Characters that are contradictory are human, characters that aren't - well are idealized versions or simplestic allegories of what we want human to be.
It would be simpler, I think sometimes, if I could be pigeonholed. If I could swear that I'm good, that I would not hurt anyone. But I don't know what I'll do. I try not to, I choose not to. But there are days that I am wickedly stupid and cruel, and others that I am kind and wise. Characters who traverse this landscape, who struggle with the inherent contradictions inside and often flail wildly, as they hover over the abyss intrigue me. I root for their survival for them to succeed, but I never know if they will - any more than I know for certain any of us will.
Stories for me - are ways to deal with pain, with fear, to understand myself, to understand others, and to laugh, to love, to cry, and figure out the problems...that haunt dreams and nightmares. I do not expect others to share my tastes or the stories and characters I've fallen for. I am, in truth, more often than not, somewhat surprised and bewildered when they do. I was shocked to find so many people around the world of various ages, creeds, races, sexes, etc - who adored Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And that so many loved it in the way I did...shocked me even more.
I did not expect it. I was equally shocked to learn people loved Kimba as kids, as I did.
It is actually more shocking to me to find those who share my views, than those who don't. I expect the rejection, I expect the argument. I dread it. Hence the worry about posting. The fear.
You want to connect, but you don't expect it. And you think how silly, or rather I do (you here is meant generally not specifically), it is just a tv show, just a story, not worth the worry or the time to write about it. The term the idiot box is ground into my head by peers, parents, teachers, bosses..And at work, it is a rare thing to find someone who watches the same show I do. But we rarely speak of it. There are no water-cooler chats - which others brag over. So, in most cases, not all, the watching of the tale or the reading of it is a solitary invent. The sharing of it - a gift, whether that sharing be in joy, or mockery, or ranting...the meeting of minds over one of the three or all together - brings a laugh or a smile. While the discordant disagreement a rise in blood-pressure and painful self-examination...struggling to understand the other view, while at the same token, struggling to explain my own without erupting with frustration in my failed attempt to do so. I think when the latter happens, that I've failed miserably as both writer and reader. And wonder to myself why bother at all. While at the same time - I rail at myself for caring so much, and am deeply embarrassed. As well..as well as thinking, disagreement is good, it challenges.
The problem with life, sometimes I think, is there are no clear-cut or comforting answers. Only endless questions.
[I'm writing this on my new MacBook PRo, which I'm still getting used to.]
Supernatural and Mad Men
I like Peggy too but she seemed so much the victim in the first season of Mad Men. Don and Peggy come from different worlds but have a lasting impact on who they are becoming.
Rufus
no subject
I wish they would have some on going brilliant female geek characters (they have had walk on roles of brilliant women), but I can understand that the writers are still showing us how incapable all four boys (it is hard to think of them as men) are of socializing.
I'll think more about why I love the shows I love and post about it... for me it often has to do with relationships. Like in 'Burn Notice' the adult relationship between Michael and his Mom (he had been abused by his Father as a child and had tried to protect his younger brother, but his Mother had been in denial during their childhood) seems very true to life to me, and kind of helps me with feelings of unfinished business from my own childhood.
I have some friends who just recently discovered Buffy, they just now started season 5, and it is a lot of vicarious fun for me to watch them (they just freaked out wondering where Dawn came from! lol). Now I have to loan them my Firefly DVDs. I guess this is like 'water-cooler chats', when someone finds something I love and loves it just as much!