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shadowkatFirst - a reference to 2012 Accountings and the New Year Resolutions of 2012:
If I can find a way to control the stress...I think I will have accomplished something. The anxiety I felt this year was almost crippling. I was literally sick before both plane flights, a first. I'm rarely sick before flights - but I let anxiety get the better of me.
And anxiety kept me from advancing career wise, as well as going to numerous meetup groups and social functions. It's hurting me. I need to find a way to fight back. To control it.
Therapists don't help (been there done that), this is something you have to do yourself.
Find a way to reduce stress. To let it roll over you. Not worry over the uncontrollables and the unknowable variables.
Also I get so angry at things I can't do anything about. Like the frigging heat in my building and political crap. Irritability. And yes, part of it is due to perimenopause, but a lot of it is stress related. Writer's bloq is stress related. If I can find a way to diminish the stress - without alcohol (which also helps with the tremor by the way - does away with it completely) and/or chocolate...I'll be ahead of the game.
So my main or number one NEW YEAR's Resolution? Find a way to safely de-stress in a heathly manner that furthers my life, not diminishes it.
I actually resolved this believe it or not. I found a way to de-stress and regain control over my own body and my life. I accomplished my new year's resolution.
But in order to do it, I had to hit rock bottom first.
By May 2013 - I had gained back the 15 pounds I lost in 2012 with Weight Watchers, plus added five more. To say that I was overweight, is an understatement. At this point, the pain in my lower back was so bad that a sciatic nerve was running down my right leg and I could not walk without pain. I'd had two steroid cortizone shots in my back, which resulted in debilitating migraines every month or whenever there was a thunderstorm and horrific PMS. My hormones were so completely out of wack that I was either crying or raging. I was taking pain-killers, and using heating pads and ice 24/7. Then I broke my foot - and was immobile for a month. Wearing a boot for 8 weeks - resulted in bursitis and tendinitis. And the sciatic nerve came back with a vengeance. I was also crying at the drop of a hat, every day. Or raging - overwhelmed by pure rage, it was a physical thing. Every little thing drove me nuts. I found out I had to do jury duty? I wanted to punch a wall. And my anxiety was off the scales - to the point that it made me ill.
By August- I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I could not stop crying, hurt all the time, and I wanted to just give up. Everything seemed hopeless. I couldn't think.
Then, several things happened. I was able to get my physical therapist to treat my foot and my back, as well as the bursitis, and the tendinitis. He taught me a new way to walk. And a friend at church - recommended a holistic healer/reiki massage therapist who had helped her and dealt with the whole body. The healer, who worked with a medical intuitive/nutritionist and licensed massage therapist - told me that I wasn't having a nervous breakdown and that this was mainly chemical. She suggested that I go on a modified version of the Paleo diet and that I most likely had "leaky gut" syndrom, or candida yeast infection.
So with her guidance, I went off all grains, all sugar, all dairy, all soy and reduced my diet to nuts, greens, eggs, meat, poultry, and fish...with an occasional apple, or pear. Lemon and lime juice was okay. Chocolate was gone. No more alcohol. No pickles. No potatoes. No tomatoes. No candy. No peppermint patties. No kind energy bars. No mushrooms. No peppers. No cheese. No rice. No corn. No condiments. No soy. No ice cream. No yogurt. I didn't do it all at once, I gradually weaned myself off of the stuff. But by the end of September, I was pretty much off of everything. I also added a probiotic.
By the end of October, I felt better. My skin began to clear up. The rosea was almost gone. I had lost 20 pounds. And the migraine headaches, arthritis, and bursitis had disappeared. Also, no more crying jags, and my rage and irritability had more or less disappeared.
I got ill for a bit there...due to the die-off of the candida yeast parasites, and the clearing of the gut. But by the end of December, I felt much better - and I no longer had to wear a heating pad or a ice pack 24/7. I'd also lost 46 pounds.
And I got my promotion at work. I had not sabotaged myself as I'd feared - instead I sailed through with flying colors. Also, when I traveled by plane to and from Hilton Head this year - my anxiety was greatly reduced. I actually slept the night before and was able to calmly handle it. It did not make me ill.
You have no idea what an accomplishment this was. I changed how I ate, how I thought about food, and how I dealt with stress. Last year - I thought live journal or blogging was the cause of the stress or rage, but in truth, it was my diet. I'd lost control. My cravings were controlling me. By letting go of them...I was able to regain control of my life.
Last year, I didn't feel hopeful, all I felt was fear and uncertainty - I dreaded the coming of the new year. This year - I'm looking forward to next year and the challenges ahead. As a bonus? I managed to get my 71 year old mother to give up sugar, and she lost 20 pounds and is much healthier.
To give you an idea, here's what I ate for dinner last year:
Had a lovely dinner of filet mignon marinated in red wine, green beans and carrots, Avanti pinot noir with dinner, and a pomegrante martini prior, with Jaques Torres Chocolates for desert.
I felt horrible and depressed the next day.
And here's what I ate for dinner this year:
Appetizer - pistachios. Dinner: Wild Sockeye Salmon with dill, garlic/parsley, olive oil and sea salt - baked. Boiled Aspergus - still green. To Drink: Water with lemon juice. And for dessert - sliced bosc pear, lemon juice, walnuts and pecans heated.
And I feel great. Upbeat. And positive. No heartburn. No anxiety. No depression.
My New Year's resolution for next year - is to continue down this path. To build on what I began. And to greet each new challenge with optimism. And to do it one step at a time. I learned this year that if you focus really hard on one really important thing as opposed to trying to focus on multiple small things, the rest will come.
Notable Cultural Year End Stuff (or rather whatever I remember)
* Ready, Player, One - this was a sort of fun sci-fi novel that referenced a lot of 1980s pop culture, mainly computers and video games. Definitely written by and for computer and tech geeks. Drug at times, but overall fun. Had a bit of a romance between two geeks, and the female characters were well rounded and better written than most.
* The Heiress Effect by Courtney Milan - a regency romance between a loud and colorful heiress who is determined not to get married and a quiet lawyer/politician who doesn't want to stand-out. Also includes a sub-plot between the heiress' sister who has epilepsy and an Indian Doctor, which is handled rather well and realistically.
* Ever After by Kim Harrison - an mediocre entry in the long-running Rachel Morgan, bounty hunter/witch series. While Harrison excels at the world-building and science components, her dialogue and character interactions could use a bit of tweaking. Plus far too much time was spent on the explanation of ley line magic. Beloved characters died off-screen. But other than that - a fun and rewarding entry, particularly if you are a Trent/Rachel shipper. If not, you might want to stop reading. Also, at this point, it's too serialized to pick up without having read all the other entries.
*The Privilege of the Sword by Ellen Kushner - a rather fascinating twist on the swashbuckling romance. The romance in this novel is between two men, and two women. And it takes place in a fantasy version of 18th Century France. In a world where swordsman resolve conflicts and are the hired guns - a somewhat eccentric uncle insists that his niece learn how to be a swordsman. Dress like a man, and take up sword fighting. In return, he will give her family their land and pay their debts. This is book two of a series. Quite good, and rather funny in places. Kushner pokes light fun at various romance tropes, particularly the somewhat flighty damsel.
* Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner - not quite as good as Privilege, but interesting since the romance is once again between two men, one of which is the damsel, the other - the swashbuckling bad boy. One's a beautiful scholar, who is a bit precious, but excels at political gamemanship, the other is a swordsman and a bit of sociopath, who thinks nothing of killing in cold blood.
* The Captive Prince volumes I and II - a romance between two princes. One who has been sold as a slave to the other. Its a political story - with lots of twists and turns.
As well as an adventure. And yes there's lots of sex. But it's rather different, due to the gender bending. I found these novels fascinating because they show how warped our concept of gender is and how limiting.
It's odd, I was looking forward to Catching Fire last year - and never managed to see it this year. Will most likely see it on DVD. Same with all the other flicks I'd been anticipating.
* Lincoln - which I saw in the New Year, and was amongst the better biopic/historicals that I've seen.
*Warm Bodies - a rather touching zombie romance, which pokes fun at some of the YA paranormal romances of the past year or so. Not what I expected. And has some delightful twists. I found it hilarious - considering how many people felt about humans shagging vampires. Here, we have a human and zombie romance - although no sex until the zombie becomes human again.
* American Hustle - yes it drags in a few places, but overall it's a fun romp, with brilliant performances, that resonates long after...
* World War Z - a unexpected pleasure - go in with low expectations and you see a sort of mash-up of 28 Days Later and Contagion. It focuses on a CDC investigator who manages to figure out the cause of the disease and more importantly how to circumvent it. Part detective story, part horror, and part thriller.
* Philomena - a touching tale of a woman who hires a journalist to find the son she'd been forced to give up ages ago. Based on a real story - the film manages to remain funny and touching without dipping into sentimentality.
* Iron Man 3 - disappointing in places, but better than Iron Man 2 and the Avengers.
Strong female performances and it actually passes the Bechdel test, which is more than the Avengers managed to pull off.
I didn't see that many movies this year.
Notable TV Shows - or the Best that I saw:
Too many. But I'll limit to the ones I adored.
* Breaking Bad - For Ozymandias - which blew the roof off the series. One dynamite sequence after another. The last four episodes drew to a close the saga of the chemistry teacher dying of cancer, who decides to deal meth.
* Game of Thrones - everyone remembers the Red Wedding, but I remember the Brienne/Jaime scenes - particularly the bath scene and when he saves her from a bear.
Bonus, the Tyrion/Tywin and Tyrion/Cersei sequences that were beautifully acted and written.
* Once Upon a Time - which managed to close its arc this year. And did a rather clever twist on the old Peter Pan tale. Pan as a villain? Hook as a rogue with a heart of a gold? Tink..a dewinged fairy? And mix in Rumplestilskin and the Evil Queen...well.
*The Good Wife - changed the playing board and rebooted the show. Now the politics have entered the law firm, and the warfare has begun. Perhaps the best written character driven drama on television. Also, if you want to know how to write strong female characters and strong male characters, pass the Bechdel test, and do it without violence or a superhero in sight? Watch the Good Wife.
*Justified Drug at times, but delivered at the end with a hilarious chase, and a haunting finale that focused on how two different men were trapped by their upbringing.
*Doctor Who's 50th Anniversary - Day of the Doctor and An Adventure in Time and Space resonated long after they aired, and worked better than most of the episodes prior and after.
* Broadchurch - did right everything The Killing and The Bridge did wrong. A touching and at times harrowing character driven story - that describes the events that occur in a small town after the murder of a child. David Tennant's performance of the Inspector, and the actress who played his partner are stand-outs.
Happy New Year's Everyone. Looking forward to whatever 2014 brings my way.
If I can find a way to control the stress...I think I will have accomplished something. The anxiety I felt this year was almost crippling. I was literally sick before both plane flights, a first. I'm rarely sick before flights - but I let anxiety get the better of me.
And anxiety kept me from advancing career wise, as well as going to numerous meetup groups and social functions. It's hurting me. I need to find a way to fight back. To control it.
Therapists don't help (been there done that), this is something you have to do yourself.
Find a way to reduce stress. To let it roll over you. Not worry over the uncontrollables and the unknowable variables.
Also I get so angry at things I can't do anything about. Like the frigging heat in my building and political crap. Irritability. And yes, part of it is due to perimenopause, but a lot of it is stress related. Writer's bloq is stress related. If I can find a way to diminish the stress - without alcohol (which also helps with the tremor by the way - does away with it completely) and/or chocolate...I'll be ahead of the game.
So my main or number one NEW YEAR's Resolution? Find a way to safely de-stress in a heathly manner that furthers my life, not diminishes it.
I actually resolved this believe it or not. I found a way to de-stress and regain control over my own body and my life. I accomplished my new year's resolution.
But in order to do it, I had to hit rock bottom first.
By May 2013 - I had gained back the 15 pounds I lost in 2012 with Weight Watchers, plus added five more. To say that I was overweight, is an understatement. At this point, the pain in my lower back was so bad that a sciatic nerve was running down my right leg and I could not walk without pain. I'd had two steroid cortizone shots in my back, which resulted in debilitating migraines every month or whenever there was a thunderstorm and horrific PMS. My hormones were so completely out of wack that I was either crying or raging. I was taking pain-killers, and using heating pads and ice 24/7. Then I broke my foot - and was immobile for a month. Wearing a boot for 8 weeks - resulted in bursitis and tendinitis. And the sciatic nerve came back with a vengeance. I was also crying at the drop of a hat, every day. Or raging - overwhelmed by pure rage, it was a physical thing. Every little thing drove me nuts. I found out I had to do jury duty? I wanted to punch a wall. And my anxiety was off the scales - to the point that it made me ill.
By August- I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I could not stop crying, hurt all the time, and I wanted to just give up. Everything seemed hopeless. I couldn't think.
Then, several things happened. I was able to get my physical therapist to treat my foot and my back, as well as the bursitis, and the tendinitis. He taught me a new way to walk. And a friend at church - recommended a holistic healer/reiki massage therapist who had helped her and dealt with the whole body. The healer, who worked with a medical intuitive/nutritionist and licensed massage therapist - told me that I wasn't having a nervous breakdown and that this was mainly chemical. She suggested that I go on a modified version of the Paleo diet and that I most likely had "leaky gut" syndrom, or candida yeast infection.
So with her guidance, I went off all grains, all sugar, all dairy, all soy and reduced my diet to nuts, greens, eggs, meat, poultry, and fish...with an occasional apple, or pear. Lemon and lime juice was okay. Chocolate was gone. No more alcohol. No pickles. No potatoes. No tomatoes. No candy. No peppermint patties. No kind energy bars. No mushrooms. No peppers. No cheese. No rice. No corn. No condiments. No soy. No ice cream. No yogurt. I didn't do it all at once, I gradually weaned myself off of the stuff. But by the end of September, I was pretty much off of everything. I also added a probiotic.
By the end of October, I felt better. My skin began to clear up. The rosea was almost gone. I had lost 20 pounds. And the migraine headaches, arthritis, and bursitis had disappeared. Also, no more crying jags, and my rage and irritability had more or less disappeared.
I got ill for a bit there...due to the die-off of the candida yeast parasites, and the clearing of the gut. But by the end of December, I felt much better - and I no longer had to wear a heating pad or a ice pack 24/7. I'd also lost 46 pounds.
And I got my promotion at work. I had not sabotaged myself as I'd feared - instead I sailed through with flying colors. Also, when I traveled by plane to and from Hilton Head this year - my anxiety was greatly reduced. I actually slept the night before and was able to calmly handle it. It did not make me ill.
You have no idea what an accomplishment this was. I changed how I ate, how I thought about food, and how I dealt with stress. Last year - I thought live journal or blogging was the cause of the stress or rage, but in truth, it was my diet. I'd lost control. My cravings were controlling me. By letting go of them...I was able to regain control of my life.
Last year, I didn't feel hopeful, all I felt was fear and uncertainty - I dreaded the coming of the new year. This year - I'm looking forward to next year and the challenges ahead. As a bonus? I managed to get my 71 year old mother to give up sugar, and she lost 20 pounds and is much healthier.
To give you an idea, here's what I ate for dinner last year:
Had a lovely dinner of filet mignon marinated in red wine, green beans and carrots, Avanti pinot noir with dinner, and a pomegrante martini prior, with Jaques Torres Chocolates for desert.
I felt horrible and depressed the next day.
And here's what I ate for dinner this year:
Appetizer - pistachios. Dinner: Wild Sockeye Salmon with dill, garlic/parsley, olive oil and sea salt - baked. Boiled Aspergus - still green. To Drink: Water with lemon juice. And for dessert - sliced bosc pear, lemon juice, walnuts and pecans heated.
And I feel great. Upbeat. And positive. No heartburn. No anxiety. No depression.
My New Year's resolution for next year - is to continue down this path. To build on what I began. And to greet each new challenge with optimism. And to do it one step at a time. I learned this year that if you focus really hard on one really important thing as opposed to trying to focus on multiple small things, the rest will come.
Notable Cultural Year End Stuff (or rather whatever I remember)
* Ready, Player, One - this was a sort of fun sci-fi novel that referenced a lot of 1980s pop culture, mainly computers and video games. Definitely written by and for computer and tech geeks. Drug at times, but overall fun. Had a bit of a romance between two geeks, and the female characters were well rounded and better written than most.
* The Heiress Effect by Courtney Milan - a regency romance between a loud and colorful heiress who is determined not to get married and a quiet lawyer/politician who doesn't want to stand-out. Also includes a sub-plot between the heiress' sister who has epilepsy and an Indian Doctor, which is handled rather well and realistically.
* Ever After by Kim Harrison - an mediocre entry in the long-running Rachel Morgan, bounty hunter/witch series. While Harrison excels at the world-building and science components, her dialogue and character interactions could use a bit of tweaking. Plus far too much time was spent on the explanation of ley line magic. Beloved characters died off-screen. But other than that - a fun and rewarding entry, particularly if you are a Trent/Rachel shipper. If not, you might want to stop reading. Also, at this point, it's too serialized to pick up without having read all the other entries.
*The Privilege of the Sword by Ellen Kushner - a rather fascinating twist on the swashbuckling romance. The romance in this novel is between two men, and two women. And it takes place in a fantasy version of 18th Century France. In a world where swordsman resolve conflicts and are the hired guns - a somewhat eccentric uncle insists that his niece learn how to be a swordsman. Dress like a man, and take up sword fighting. In return, he will give her family their land and pay their debts. This is book two of a series. Quite good, and rather funny in places. Kushner pokes light fun at various romance tropes, particularly the somewhat flighty damsel.
* Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner - not quite as good as Privilege, but interesting since the romance is once again between two men, one of which is the damsel, the other - the swashbuckling bad boy. One's a beautiful scholar, who is a bit precious, but excels at political gamemanship, the other is a swordsman and a bit of sociopath, who thinks nothing of killing in cold blood.
* The Captive Prince volumes I and II - a romance between two princes. One who has been sold as a slave to the other. Its a political story - with lots of twists and turns.
As well as an adventure. And yes there's lots of sex. But it's rather different, due to the gender bending. I found these novels fascinating because they show how warped our concept of gender is and how limiting.
It's odd, I was looking forward to Catching Fire last year - and never managed to see it this year. Will most likely see it on DVD. Same with all the other flicks I'd been anticipating.
* Lincoln - which I saw in the New Year, and was amongst the better biopic/historicals that I've seen.
*Warm Bodies - a rather touching zombie romance, which pokes fun at some of the YA paranormal romances of the past year or so. Not what I expected. And has some delightful twists. I found it hilarious - considering how many people felt about humans shagging vampires. Here, we have a human and zombie romance - although no sex until the zombie becomes human again.
* American Hustle - yes it drags in a few places, but overall it's a fun romp, with brilliant performances, that resonates long after...
* World War Z - a unexpected pleasure - go in with low expectations and you see a sort of mash-up of 28 Days Later and Contagion. It focuses on a CDC investigator who manages to figure out the cause of the disease and more importantly how to circumvent it. Part detective story, part horror, and part thriller.
* Philomena - a touching tale of a woman who hires a journalist to find the son she'd been forced to give up ages ago. Based on a real story - the film manages to remain funny and touching without dipping into sentimentality.
* Iron Man 3 - disappointing in places, but better than Iron Man 2 and the Avengers.
Strong female performances and it actually passes the Bechdel test, which is more than the Avengers managed to pull off.
I didn't see that many movies this year.
Notable TV Shows - or the Best that I saw:
Too many. But I'll limit to the ones I adored.
* Breaking Bad - For Ozymandias - which blew the roof off the series. One dynamite sequence after another. The last four episodes drew to a close the saga of the chemistry teacher dying of cancer, who decides to deal meth.
* Game of Thrones - everyone remembers the Red Wedding, but I remember the Brienne/Jaime scenes - particularly the bath scene and when he saves her from a bear.
Bonus, the Tyrion/Tywin and Tyrion/Cersei sequences that were beautifully acted and written.
* Once Upon a Time - which managed to close its arc this year. And did a rather clever twist on the old Peter Pan tale. Pan as a villain? Hook as a rogue with a heart of a gold? Tink..a dewinged fairy? And mix in Rumplestilskin and the Evil Queen...well.
*The Good Wife - changed the playing board and rebooted the show. Now the politics have entered the law firm, and the warfare has begun. Perhaps the best written character driven drama on television. Also, if you want to know how to write strong female characters and strong male characters, pass the Bechdel test, and do it without violence or a superhero in sight? Watch the Good Wife.
*Justified Drug at times, but delivered at the end with a hilarious chase, and a haunting finale that focused on how two different men were trapped by their upbringing.
*Doctor Who's 50th Anniversary - Day of the Doctor and An Adventure in Time and Space resonated long after they aired, and worked better than most of the episodes prior and after.
* Broadchurch - did right everything The Killing and The Bridge did wrong. A touching and at times harrowing character driven story - that describes the events that occur in a small town after the murder of a child. David Tennant's performance of the Inspector, and the actress who played his partner are stand-outs.
Happy New Year's Everyone. Looking forward to whatever 2014 brings my way.
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no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 06:09 am (UTC)Happy 2014
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 03:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 05:06 pm (UTC)(Oh if you loved Captive Prince - you should definitely read Ellen Kushner's Swordspoint and Privilege of the Sword.)
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 05:37 pm (UTC)What I enjoy most is her portrayal of the Byzantine politics and how she portrays this slow burn of trust building between enemies/allies.
(Thanks for the rec!)
no subject
Date: 2014-01-01 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-02 01:00 am (UTC)I've been following her on goodreads and her occasional blog post. It seems like the third book is well on its way. I'm hoping for it to come out this year.