Comfortably Numb...

[shadowkat]

Here is where I'm archiving things to - in case anyone else feels the need to archive their essays, meta, fanfiction, fanworks - Archive of Our Own. I currently have over 188 works. (I'd explain all of this further - but from what I've seen in my past posts? I kind of have already? Repeatedly. About five to six times a year. It's getting repetitive. Also, I've reached the age now, in which I'm thinking why do I need to explain myself to anyone? Answer? I don't. Why I feel the need to - bewilders me.)

Yet I do...Sigh.

Ice Cream

Years ago, a gastroenterologist asked me if I was one of those people who lived to eat? Yes, I was. Which is kind of problematic if you have dietary issues.

I was also raised not to worry about how much food cost. Instead - to worry about what was in it, the quality of the food, and how it tasted, along with texture, and diversity. My father was a foodie. (He's not now - he has dementia - he no longer cares what he puts in his mouth, to be honest.)
My mother also is a foodie.

When I was a kid - we never went to McDonalds. My father had been raised on crappy food (Chef Boyadee, Spam, etc), had crappy food in the service, discovered great food as a tour guide (he was a tour guide for a bit), and refused to go back. We never went to fast food restaurants with my Dad. I think we went to The Olive Garden once - and he was put off by it.
And he was not a fan of Tippins, Cracker Barrell, or any of those places. It had a lot to do with the fact that my Dad was a road warrior - he traveled, and ate out a lot - so he got picky. He used to tell us - that if you end up in a crappy restaurant? Order steak - it's really hard for people to mess up steak. (I beg to differ but my father liked steak well-done, so there you go.)

So what does this have to do with ice cream? Well, my father was weird about ice cream - he liked vanilla or sorbet. Or homemade. When we were kids we'd get Cheap Neapolitan Ice Cream, which I hated, because I hated strawberry ice cream. (With one small caveat? I loved McDonald's Strawberry Milkshakes when I was a kid - I'd get them on the way home from junior high as a treat, but only McDonald's. I can't drink them now, and despise them, but loved them back then. God only knows what I was putting in my body back then.) And so did everyone else (hate strawberry ice cream). My father would eat the vanilla. My brother and mother would devour the chocolate. Sometimes I'd get the vanilla or try for the chocolate. For some reason, my father was cheap when it came to ice cream.

Anyhow over time - I developed gourmet tastes when it comes to ice cream. I don't buy it that often. But when I do - I'm picky. Part of the reason is that I'm slightly lactose intolerant - ice cream gives me digestive issues.
My brother is also picky - since he is lactose intolerant and can't really digest a lot of diary. Also I've had great ice cream - mother made home made ice cream almost every summer, she still makes it. And I used to get it freshly made from Zarda's Dairy as a kid.

When you've had excellent ice cream, there's no going back. I don't really care about the price when I buy ice cream - but keep in mind, I have no transportation costs. No car. At all. No gas. I don't have some of the expenses others have.

I also do not buy it that often. So it doesn't have to be cheap. When I get it - it's meant to be a treat. I'm the same way about chocolate. But I also don't buy it all the time. Tonight? I had low-fat greek yogurt, strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream instead. (I'd run out of the Breyers...also less gassy - since yogurt.)

I'm grateful that I can do that.

Comfortably Numb

There's a song by Pink Floyd... Comfortably Numb about this feeling of just being shut off.

I told mother tonight that I felt numb. It's the weirdest feeling. I just feel very little about anything. I'm not depressed. I'm just floating about...and happy to do so. And I don't really dwell on anything too long.

Mother told me that I'd most likely find most people would state the same. With COVID lasting so long, along with everything else...they have become comfortably numb.

Entertainment Conversations

Chidi: I saw Top Gun over the weekend - the sequel. It was amazing. So good.
Me: Okay.
Chidi: You should see it - everyone loved it!
Me: Eh, I've really no interest in Top Gun. I saw the original ages ago, and have no interest in the sequel.
Chidi: It was really entertaining!
ME: If you like watching people flying about in planes? (And Tom Cruise.)

Chidi has way too much energy for one person.

Twitter: The worst two romances are The Hating Game and the Unhoneymooners.
Me: Agree on the Hating Game (tried the book and the movie - could not get through either) never heard of the Unhoneymooners. But I'd definitely put Me Before You up there with worst romance novels ever written. (I keep wanting to call it Me Before You Except After Two for some reason - my mind feels this weird need to rhyme it off.)

Feel free to list yours. (I may live to regret that?)

Dreamwidth May Meme: Name a television show that you can't watch or have no interest in ever watching.
ME: The Bachelor and all of its spin offs. Ugh. The bits that I see due to commercials are painful enough. I asked someone once why they liked it - their response was that "as bad as things get - at least I'm not them".
Also I can't watch the Office. I've tried. Both the UK and US version - it's not happening. No interest whatsoever.

When it comes to reality shows - the only ones I've been able to watch or liked are the singing competitions (talent shows), dance competitions (except the interviews get on my nerves), home improvement (design a room or house such as Trading Spaces), baking competitions (Great British Bake Off), pottery competition, flower competition, basically anything where they are "building" or "making something" or performing a song.

What I can't watch is the "Drama" - real life soap opera does not work for me at all. I've zero patience for it.

Twitter: Worst father in television history?
Soap Twitter: Frisco - he wouldn't be able to find his grandkids in a lineup.
ME: Oh come on. On television dead beat Dad's are a dime a dozen. Frisco has nothing on the sadistic ones - such as Jamie, Cerise, and Tyrion's father on Game of Thrones, or the serial killer in Prodigal Son. I'd much prefer the absentee father to the sadistic one. But that's just me.

***

Latest book that I'm reading - which I got for free on Kindle Unlimited, kind of reminds me why it was free. The writer clearly self-published this baby. I can't imagine a traditional publisher doing it - she gets a touch explicit in the sex scenes, and a touch...over the top? There's all these reviews damning the book as the worst thing ever - and I'm thinking, I still am not seeing anything that comes close to the rat in the vagina sequence in Brett Easton Ellis' American Psycho.

So, maybe it was traditionally published? It's actually easier to read and write sadistic crap than it is to well watch it. And considering there's a lot of horror film writers out there who are making a good living filming it...actually they are filming far worse stuff than I've seen in books or fanfic. (Don't believe me - go look up Human Centipede - another description you can't un-see.) Let's face it - human beings have a sadistic side.

I don't know if I'll make it through this gothic novel. It seems to be taking the approach of...what if the naive (if somewhat disturbed) nineteen year old heroine fell madly in love with the sadistic Heathcliff character from Crimson Peak or Dragonwyck, and he with her. (I'm admittedly not a Heathcliff fan - I found him whiny and full of himself. Actually the only Heathcliff/Wuthering Heights - modernization that I liked - was automated alice's fic about Buffy as Heathcliff and Spike as Cathy, I found the gender flip interesting. Can't remember the name of that fic, nor did she finish it. That's why I stopped reading fanfic - the best ones were never finished. It got to be annoying after a bit.)

Anyhow...this book was rec'd on a woman's blog as good modern gothic novels to try - with the caveat that it got really dark in places, and may not be to everyone's taste. (I read Game of Thrones - I can do dark. But I have limits. Also, it has to work logistically - and anatomically. I tried one book that I returned to Amazon for a refund - because the sex did not work for me at all. It wasn't anatomically possible. And I just stared at it, wondering what the writers were smoking and how anyone could read it.)

Comments

[cjlasky7]

"Name a television show you can't watch and have no interest in watching."

I consider myself very catholic in my viewing tastes; I think I could watch any genre if the program is done well enough.

But:

The minute evangelical programming comes on the TV, I am OUT. Joel Osteen, the 700 Club... it just raises my hackles.

[cactuswatcher]

The minute evangelical programming comes on the TV, I am OUT. Joel Osteen, the 700 Club... it just raises my hackles.

At least it doesn't take long to figure Joel Osteen out. I've probably seen a total of 90 seconds of him when flipping through channels a time or two and I know exactly who he is. (I guess neither of us is going to contribute much to his 'ministry!')

[cactuswatcher]

We always had ice cream in the house, in fact, my mother's freezer was a used commercial ice cream freezer that opened from the top.

I liked Neapolitan ice cream. If I mixed the chocolate 50-50 with the vanilla I liked it. Alone, nope. And strawberry was my favorite, later alternating as my favorite with mint chocolate-chip. I like rainbow sherbet too. My sister liked mixing orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream. (I think there was an ice cream bar on a stick like that you could buy.) I must have over dosed on orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream at some point because the thought of it makes me slightly queasy now.

[atpo_onm]

(I think there was an ice cream bar on a stick like that you could buy.)

Yep, "Orange Creamsicles". Several dairies around my berg made them when I was a kid, and I remember I liked them better than the chocolate coated types, although those were... okay. I suspect that may have been that most chocolate treats of the day were largely some chocolate flavoring over/mixed in with a bunch of sugar and stabilizers. I do like real chocolate, which I discovered later on when I got some candy from a local candy-maker who used only the real deal.

Haven't had an orange creamsicle for at least, mmm, four decades or so? But I do occasionally buy some vanilla ice cream with orange sherbet swirled in.

Not sure if they have Turkey Hill in your area, but if one generally likes neopolitan, they do a neat variant on the concept with their "Banana Split", which is neo, but the vanilla is banana flavored with a fudge swirl in it, then with strawberry on one side, chocolate eon the other, and walnuts scattered throughout.

[cactuswatcher]

There definitely is a difference between chocolate and 'chocolatey' as they used to call it. It may just have to do with how much filler they use. The ice cream bars my school got from the local dairy had a nice thick layer of chocolate. Some of the cheaper ones at the store just had a thin layer of that brown stuff masquerading as chocolate.

I'm sure I never had a creamsicle, but my sister probably did at some point. I did not like fudgicles. I only had them if someone like an aunt gave me one. I'd eat it quietly to be polite, while my cousins raved about how good it was.

[spiffikins]

I grew up in a household of 6 - we didn't buy the expensive version of *anything* really. I never had steak until I was an adult and paid for it myself.

As for ice cream - I remember the neapolitan - I also didn't really like the strawberry. Thankfully someone else in teh family did, as it did get eaten. But mostly we would buy the gallon bucket of vanilla, or occasionally the vanilla with "fudge ripple".

Sometimes my mom would buy fudgesicles (the all chocolate ones) or the "revellos" - vanilla ice cream bars covered in dipped chocolate - we liked those and it was one treat she actually liked - she didn't like a lot of sweets.

I remember my first year of university, my friends discovered Hagen Daas ice cream bars in the freezer in the cafeteria. They took a lot of points, but for a while, everyone was grabbing one for dessert and just oohing and aahing over how amazing they were. I got one - it was basically a revello - but with FANCY vanilla ice cream and EXTRA fancy chocolate coating.

It was *so* rich and overly sweet - I honestly didn't like it at all. And never got another one. Even now - I don't really enjoy the "fancy" ice creams - I find them to be too much. I'm perfectly pleased with the store brand plain chocolate ice cream. Or vanilla, if I have stuff at home that I want to mix in (strawberries, strawberry/rhubarb jam, or cinnamon/sugar mixture)

I find the same thing when it comes to really rich desserts - like fudge doesn't appeal to me at all. I like a plain cheesecake with fruit - but one of those fancy cheesecakes with caramel and chocolate - no thanks, that's too much.

I never liked the creamsicles - the orange outside/vanilla inside bars - BUT - I really like vanilla ice cream, with orange juice, especially if it's slightly sour. I think that's a throwback to Orange Julius :D

[atpo_onm]

find the same thing when it comes to really rich desserts - like fudge doesn't appeal to me at all. I like a plain cheesecake with fruit - but one of those fancy cheesecakes with caramel and chocolate - no thanks, that's too much.

Some years back, I read an article in a science magazine where the researcher became curious about the apparently wide range of the number of taste buds humans have, and thought it would be interesting to map them out, see how many were present in whatever percentages, etc.

Much to her surprise, the overall single bell curve she expected to find turned out to be three distinct bell curves! Some people seem to have low numbers of taste buds, then it jumped to people who have moderate numbers, and then jumps to those who have very large numbers.

She ended up referring to the three groups as, "Non-tasters", "Normal- tasters", and "Super-tasters".

Such might, among other things, explain why some people thrive on intensely spicy or sweet foods, while others can barely stand even, say, some mild chili sauce. I think I fall in the "normal-taster" group, but among my friends and extended family members, I clearly see ones who fit the super and non groups.

[spiffikins]

I am also a wuss when it comes to anything spicy - so that tracks :D

My friend A though - I feel like *he* is a "super taster" - he can pick out the tiniest flavours in things - I'm not as sensitive to individual flavours as he is, for sure. He is also very sensitive to scent and cannot handle fragrances of any kind - he gets blinding headaches just being in a room with things like scented candles (not burning!) or someone who is wearing perfume.

[atpo_onm]

I've always been a fan of chili, either con carne or plain, but it has always been a challenge because it always seemed like it was either super insanely spicy, or plain to the point of being bland.

I lucked out just a few years ago when a local diner that I typically visit once a week makes a chili that I find to be close to perfect-- just spicy enough, that if it was, say, 10% spicier, it would be just over my limit.

As to sweet things-- I was a serious sodaholic as a kid and into my 20's but I finally gave it up after the carbonation started really messing with my digestion. (Expensive dental bills were another nice encouragement to stop drinking them also, but I still do miss them on occasion).

You can certainly acclimate to very sweet things if you consume them regularly. Being diagnosed as diabetic a few years ago forced me to be far more careful about any type of carbs, and now after some time has passed, I find I can no longer tolerate any intensely sweet food or drink, it's just too much!!, even though I ate/drank such things for years, and they tasted normal to me.

[cactuswatcher]

Hagen Daas was all the rage when I was in grad school, too. I had to go out and buy it. Personally, I thought it was okay, but I didn't find it all that special. I can't remember what flavor I tried or what it was like specifically.

Talking about overly rich, that has been my experience with Ben and Jerry's. For me a scoop of it is a bit like a ball of lard with lots of sugar and some flavoring. I'm sure anyone could get used to it and enjoy it, but it's too rich for me want to get into.

[atpo_onm]

Re: Top Gun: Maverick -- I wasn't planning to see it, as I thought the original was just okay, maybe a 5 on my 10-scale rating. Good for what it was, I'd call it. But, after reading this review, I might.

https://www.reelviews.net/reelviews/top-gun-maverick

Excerpt:

Top Gun: Maverick is one of those rare breeds: a sequel that’s better than the original. Due in part to the passage of 36 years in between installments, the second film arrives with a less glossy, more serious approach. Cold war rah-rah machismo has been replaced by a more reflective (although no less action-oriented) attitude.

Tom Cruise, playing the title character, has supplanted toothy cockiness with a weathered, nuanced performance. In Top Gun, he was preening. Here, he’s acting. The differences extend to the screenplay (credited to Ehren Kruger, Eric Warren Singer, and Cruise’s current favorite collaborator, Christopher McQuarrie), which is less testosterone-drenched, to the tone, which is more grounded, to the technical elements, which are cutting-edge.

The kernels in this popcorn crowd-pleaser frequently aren’t as frequently scalded or unpopped as in the original.

*******

Still may not float your boat, but at least it sounds like an improvement on the original.

[mtbc]

Interesting, concurs with another review I read: the critic went in with low expectations and was very pleasantly surprised. (And also simply surprised at how Tom Cruise has apparently failed to visibly age in the interim.) I'm still not rushing to see it, mind, despite that it probably benefits from the big screen.

Though, thinking of movies, and Wuthering Heights, I rather like the Fiennes/Binoche adaptation: (a) it actually includes a fair part of the material that comes later in the book, instead of focusing so front-heavily, and (b) I think it nicely conveys how insane they both are. I mean, goodness, the romantic description of Heathcliff misses some glaring mutual dysfunction.

[svgurl]

I hated strawberry ice cream too and as much as I love chocolate, I wasn't a big fan of most chocolate flavored ice creams either. I did love the swirl and I'm still a little partial to soft serve in general. We used to get a lot of popsicles when I was a kid, as well as those orange creamsicle bars. Fudgesicles too. As I grew a little older, I loved the Haagan Daz bars. Starbucks used to have ice cream and I used to love their java chip or their plain coffee. I still love coffee, but I'm particular on brand (my favorite is the Trader Joe's one). The Breyers vanilla one is good, though my mom loves the Blue Bunny best.

I was briefly curious about The Hating Game, but I'm not surprised it isn't good.

[yourlibrarian]

Agree with you about the fathers bit. I suspect, though, that far more people have endured absenteeism than sadism and thus are biased.