Comfortably Numb...
Jun. 6th, 2022 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowkatHere is where I'm archiving things to - in case anyone else feels the need to archive their essays, meta, fanfiction, fanworks - Archive of Our Own. I currently have over 188 works. (I'd explain all of this further - but from what I've seen in my past posts? I kind of have already? Repeatedly. About five to six times a year. It's getting repetitive. Also, I've reached the age now, in which I'm thinking why do I need to explain myself to anyone? Answer? I don't. Why I feel the need to - bewilders me.)
Yet I do...Sigh.
Ice Cream
Years ago, a gastroenterologist asked me if I was one of those people who lived to eat? Yes, I was. Which is kind of problematic if you have dietary issues.
I was also raised not to worry about how much food cost. Instead - to worry about what was in it, the quality of the food, and how it tasted, along with texture, and diversity. My father was a foodie. (He's not now - he has dementia - he no longer cares what he puts in his mouth, to be honest.)
My mother also is a foodie.
When I was a kid - we never went to McDonalds. My father had been raised on crappy food (Chef Boyadee, Spam, etc), had crappy food in the service, discovered great food as a tour guide (he was a tour guide for a bit), and refused to go back. We never went to fast food restaurants with my Dad. I think we went to The Olive Garden once - and he was put off by it.
And he was not a fan of Tippins, Cracker Barrell, or any of those places. It had a lot to do with the fact that my Dad was a road warrior - he traveled, and ate out a lot - so he got picky. He used to tell us - that if you end up in a crappy restaurant? Order steak - it's really hard for people to mess up steak. (I beg to differ but my father liked steak well-done, so there you go.)
So what does this have to do with ice cream? Well, my father was weird about ice cream - he liked vanilla or sorbet. Or homemade. When we were kids we'd get Cheap Neapolitan Ice Cream, which I hated, because I hated strawberry ice cream. (With one small caveat? I loved McDonald's Strawberry Milkshakes when I was a kid - I'd get them on the way home from junior high as a treat, but only McDonald's. I can't drink them now, and despise them, but loved them back then. God only knows what I was putting in my body back then.) And so did everyone else (hate strawberry ice cream). My father would eat the vanilla. My brother and mother would devour the chocolate. Sometimes I'd get the vanilla or try for the chocolate. For some reason, my father was cheap when it came to ice cream.
Anyhow over time - I developed gourmet tastes when it comes to ice cream. I don't buy it that often. But when I do - I'm picky. Part of the reason is that I'm slightly lactose intolerant - ice cream gives me digestive issues.
My brother is also picky - since he is lactose intolerant and can't really digest a lot of diary. Also I've had great ice cream - mother made home made ice cream almost every summer, she still makes it. And I used to get it freshly made from Zarda's Dairy as a kid.
When you've had excellent ice cream, there's no going back. I don't really care about the price when I buy ice cream - but keep in mind, I have no transportation costs. No car. At all. No gas. I don't have some of the expenses others have.
I also do not buy it that often. So it doesn't have to be cheap. When I get it - it's meant to be a treat. I'm the same way about chocolate. But I also don't buy it all the time. Tonight? I had low-fat greek yogurt, strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream instead. (I'd run out of the Breyers...also less gassy - since yogurt.)
I'm grateful that I can do that.
Comfortably Numb
There's a song by Pink Floyd... Comfortably Numb about this feeling of just being shut off.
I told mother tonight that I felt numb. It's the weirdest feeling. I just feel very little about anything. I'm not depressed. I'm just floating about...and happy to do so. And I don't really dwell on anything too long.
Mother told me that I'd most likely find most people would state the same. With COVID lasting so long, along with everything else...they have become comfortably numb.
Entertainment Conversations
Chidi: I saw Top Gun over the weekend - the sequel. It was amazing. So good.
Me: Okay.
Chidi: You should see it - everyone loved it!
Me: Eh, I've really no interest in Top Gun. I saw the original ages ago, and have no interest in the sequel.
Chidi: It was really entertaining!
ME: If you like watching people flying about in planes? (And Tom Cruise.)
Chidi has way too much energy for one person.
Twitter: The worst two romances are The Hating Game and the Unhoneymooners.
Me: Agree on the Hating Game (tried the book and the movie - could not get through either) never heard of the Unhoneymooners. But I'd definitely put Me Before You up there with worst romance novels ever written. (I keep wanting to call it Me Before You Except After Two for some reason - my mind feels this weird need to rhyme it off.)
Feel free to list yours. (I may live to regret that?)
Dreamwidth May Meme: Name a television show that you can't watch or have no interest in ever watching.
ME: The Bachelor and all of its spin offs. Ugh. The bits that I see due to commercials are painful enough. I asked someone once why they liked it - their response was that "as bad as things get - at least I'm not them".
Also I can't watch the Office. I've tried. Both the UK and US version - it's not happening. No interest whatsoever.
When it comes to reality shows - the only ones I've been able to watch or liked are the singing competitions (talent shows), dance competitions (except the interviews get on my nerves), home improvement (design a room or house such as Trading Spaces), baking competitions (Great British Bake Off), pottery competition, flower competition, basically anything where they are "building" or "making something" or performing a song.
What I can't watch is the "Drama" - real life soap opera does not work for me at all. I've zero patience for it.
Twitter: Worst father in television history?
Soap Twitter: Frisco - he wouldn't be able to find his grandkids in a lineup.
ME: Oh come on. On television dead beat Dad's are a dime a dozen. Frisco has nothing on the sadistic ones - such as Jamie, Cerise, and Tyrion's father on Game of Thrones, or the serial killer in Prodigal Son. I'd much prefer the absentee father to the sadistic one. But that's just me.
***
Latest book that I'm reading - which I got for free on Kindle Unlimited, kind of reminds me why it was free. The writer clearly self-published this baby. I can't imagine a traditional publisher doing it - she gets a touch explicit in the sex scenes, and a touch...over the top? There's all these reviews damning the book as the worst thing ever - and I'm thinking, I still am not seeing anything that comes close to the rat in the vagina sequence in Brett Easton Ellis' American Psycho.
So, maybe it was traditionally published? It's actually easier to read and write sadistic crap than it is to well watch it. And considering there's a lot of horror film writers out there who are making a good living filming it...actually they are filming far worse stuff than I've seen in books or fanfic. (Don't believe me - go look up Human Centipede - another description you can't un-see.) Let's face it - human beings have a sadistic side.
I don't know if I'll make it through this gothic novel. It seems to be taking the approach of...what if the naive (if somewhat disturbed) nineteen year old heroine fell madly in love with the sadistic Heathcliff character from Crimson Peak or Dragonwyck, and he with her. (I'm admittedly not a Heathcliff fan - I found him whiny and full of himself. Actually the only Heathcliff/Wuthering Heights - modernization that I liked - was automated alice's fic about Buffy as Heathcliff and Spike as Cathy, I found the gender flip interesting. Can't remember the name of that fic, nor did she finish it. That's why I stopped reading fanfic - the best ones were never finished. It got to be annoying after a bit.)
Anyhow...this book was rec'd on a woman's blog as good modern gothic novels to try - with the caveat that it got really dark in places, and may not be to everyone's taste. (I read Game of Thrones - I can do dark. But I have limits. Also, it has to work logistically - and anatomically. I tried one book that I returned to Amazon for a refund - because the sex did not work for me at all. It wasn't anatomically possible. And I just stared at it, wondering what the writers were smoking and how anyone could read it.)
Yet I do...Sigh.
Ice Cream
Years ago, a gastroenterologist asked me if I was one of those people who lived to eat? Yes, I was. Which is kind of problematic if you have dietary issues.
I was also raised not to worry about how much food cost. Instead - to worry about what was in it, the quality of the food, and how it tasted, along with texture, and diversity. My father was a foodie. (He's not now - he has dementia - he no longer cares what he puts in his mouth, to be honest.)
My mother also is a foodie.
When I was a kid - we never went to McDonalds. My father had been raised on crappy food (Chef Boyadee, Spam, etc), had crappy food in the service, discovered great food as a tour guide (he was a tour guide for a bit), and refused to go back. We never went to fast food restaurants with my Dad. I think we went to The Olive Garden once - and he was put off by it.
And he was not a fan of Tippins, Cracker Barrell, or any of those places. It had a lot to do with the fact that my Dad was a road warrior - he traveled, and ate out a lot - so he got picky. He used to tell us - that if you end up in a crappy restaurant? Order steak - it's really hard for people to mess up steak. (I beg to differ but my father liked steak well-done, so there you go.)
So what does this have to do with ice cream? Well, my father was weird about ice cream - he liked vanilla or sorbet. Or homemade. When we were kids we'd get Cheap Neapolitan Ice Cream, which I hated, because I hated strawberry ice cream. (With one small caveat? I loved McDonald's Strawberry Milkshakes when I was a kid - I'd get them on the way home from junior high as a treat, but only McDonald's. I can't drink them now, and despise them, but loved them back then. God only knows what I was putting in my body back then.) And so did everyone else (hate strawberry ice cream). My father would eat the vanilla. My brother and mother would devour the chocolate. Sometimes I'd get the vanilla or try for the chocolate. For some reason, my father was cheap when it came to ice cream.
Anyhow over time - I developed gourmet tastes when it comes to ice cream. I don't buy it that often. But when I do - I'm picky. Part of the reason is that I'm slightly lactose intolerant - ice cream gives me digestive issues.
My brother is also picky - since he is lactose intolerant and can't really digest a lot of diary. Also I've had great ice cream - mother made home made ice cream almost every summer, she still makes it. And I used to get it freshly made from Zarda's Dairy as a kid.
When you've had excellent ice cream, there's no going back. I don't really care about the price when I buy ice cream - but keep in mind, I have no transportation costs. No car. At all. No gas. I don't have some of the expenses others have.
I also do not buy it that often. So it doesn't have to be cheap. When I get it - it's meant to be a treat. I'm the same way about chocolate. But I also don't buy it all the time. Tonight? I had low-fat greek yogurt, strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream instead. (I'd run out of the Breyers...also less gassy - since yogurt.)
I'm grateful that I can do that.
Comfortably Numb
There's a song by Pink Floyd... Comfortably Numb about this feeling of just being shut off.
I told mother tonight that I felt numb. It's the weirdest feeling. I just feel very little about anything. I'm not depressed. I'm just floating about...and happy to do so. And I don't really dwell on anything too long.
Mother told me that I'd most likely find most people would state the same. With COVID lasting so long, along with everything else...they have become comfortably numb.
Entertainment Conversations
Chidi: I saw Top Gun over the weekend - the sequel. It was amazing. So good.
Me: Okay.
Chidi: You should see it - everyone loved it!
Me: Eh, I've really no interest in Top Gun. I saw the original ages ago, and have no interest in the sequel.
Chidi: It was really entertaining!
ME: If you like watching people flying about in planes? (And Tom Cruise.)
Chidi has way too much energy for one person.
Twitter: The worst two romances are The Hating Game and the Unhoneymooners.
Me: Agree on the Hating Game (tried the book and the movie - could not get through either) never heard of the Unhoneymooners. But I'd definitely put Me Before You up there with worst romance novels ever written. (I keep wanting to call it Me Before You Except After Two for some reason - my mind feels this weird need to rhyme it off.)
Feel free to list yours. (I may live to regret that?)
Dreamwidth May Meme: Name a television show that you can't watch or have no interest in ever watching.
ME: The Bachelor and all of its spin offs. Ugh. The bits that I see due to commercials are painful enough. I asked someone once why they liked it - their response was that "as bad as things get - at least I'm not them".
Also I can't watch the Office. I've tried. Both the UK and US version - it's not happening. No interest whatsoever.
When it comes to reality shows - the only ones I've been able to watch or liked are the singing competitions (talent shows), dance competitions (except the interviews get on my nerves), home improvement (design a room or house such as Trading Spaces), baking competitions (Great British Bake Off), pottery competition, flower competition, basically anything where they are "building" or "making something" or performing a song.
What I can't watch is the "Drama" - real life soap opera does not work for me at all. I've zero patience for it.
Twitter: Worst father in television history?
Soap Twitter: Frisco - he wouldn't be able to find his grandkids in a lineup.
ME: Oh come on. On television dead beat Dad's are a dime a dozen. Frisco has nothing on the sadistic ones - such as Jamie, Cerise, and Tyrion's father on Game of Thrones, or the serial killer in Prodigal Son. I'd much prefer the absentee father to the sadistic one. But that's just me.
***
Latest book that I'm reading - which I got for free on Kindle Unlimited, kind of reminds me why it was free. The writer clearly self-published this baby. I can't imagine a traditional publisher doing it - she gets a touch explicit in the sex scenes, and a touch...over the top? There's all these reviews damning the book as the worst thing ever - and I'm thinking, I still am not seeing anything that comes close to the rat in the vagina sequence in Brett Easton Ellis' American Psycho.
So, maybe it was traditionally published? It's actually easier to read and write sadistic crap than it is to well watch it. And considering there's a lot of horror film writers out there who are making a good living filming it...actually they are filming far worse stuff than I've seen in books or fanfic. (Don't believe me - go look up Human Centipede - another description you can't un-see.) Let's face it - human beings have a sadistic side.
I don't know if I'll make it through this gothic novel. It seems to be taking the approach of...what if the naive (if somewhat disturbed) nineteen year old heroine fell madly in love with the sadistic Heathcliff character from Crimson Peak or Dragonwyck, and he with her. (I'm admittedly not a Heathcliff fan - I found him whiny and full of himself. Actually the only Heathcliff/Wuthering Heights - modernization that I liked - was automated alice's fic about Buffy as Heathcliff and Spike as Cathy, I found the gender flip interesting. Can't remember the name of that fic, nor did she finish it. That's why I stopped reading fanfic - the best ones were never finished. It got to be annoying after a bit.)
Anyhow...this book was rec'd on a woman's blog as good modern gothic novels to try - with the caveat that it got really dark in places, and may not be to everyone's taste. (I read Game of Thrones - I can do dark. But I have limits. Also, it has to work logistically - and anatomically. I tried one book that I returned to Amazon for a refund - because the sex did not work for me at all. It wasn't anatomically possible. And I just stared at it, wondering what the writers were smoking and how anyone could read it.)
no subject
Date: 2022-06-07 05:00 pm (UTC)