Spontaneous Musings

Read in the paper this morning that New Year's Eve is perhaps the most overrated and overbloated Holiday...

Decided to stay home tonight, nurse my bronchitis, and maybe watch Mamma Mia, which I bought for myself on the way home from work, because it makes me happy - partly for all the reasons so many critics hated it, the funky singing and dancing, and I happen to love ABBA. Not drinking anything - are you kidding? I'm on antibotics and hydrocodine cough syrup. And it's bitter cold - expected to drop down to 0. Currently 24 degrees. Coldest New Year's in a long long time. Last time got this cold was sometime around 1998, about ten to eleven years ago. 2009 will be the start of my 13th year in this city. I moved here in March 1996 or thereabouts. Lucky 13.

How to pay homage to what I like to call a watershed year? Tough one at that. But all watershed years are - last one was 2001. I knew it was going to be a watershed going into it. Told people as much last January - that this one going to be one tough long weird year - in which things would be turned inside out. And boy was it ever.

Can't really do a best movie or book list, haven't read or seen that many good movies or books this year, or for that matter remotely memorable ones. Of the movies I have seen - I'd say that Persepolis, Mamma Mia, Iron Man, Tell No One and The Dark Knight stick out in my memory. Everything else is a bit of a blur. Quantum of Solace and Australia - while enjoyable, are fading bit by bit, even though I saw them both relatively recently. Of the books? I'd say Kafka on the Shore and maybe the one I'm reading now, Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff. I enjoyed the latest Dresden, Small Favor and the latest Kim Harrison, A Few Demons More - but they don't resonate in quite the same way. Quick, fun, and light reads not meant to stick in the memory. Read more than that, but I either couldn't finish them or I simply can't remember them that well.

TV? Ah. I've watched too many shows and after a while they blur together in the memory. I may write a separate post highlighting the ones that did stand out or rather the episodes that did, for good or ill.

The most memorable thing on TV this year, besides the Writer's Strike, was the American presidential election that appeared to go on forever. Due in part to the Writer's Strike and in part to who was running - it became must-see tv. More people watched the election results and Obama's Informercial than they watched most of the other prime-time shows on. I think only the Olympics and the Superbowl beat the election in the ratings. And the election didn't just capitaviate American viewers, it captivated the world.

The other two memorable tv events were The Olympics and The Superbowl. Both filled with unpredictable twists and turns, and human drama that you could not find in any scripted or reality series. With the Superbowl - a team that hadn't won in years, and was a wild card, beat a team that hadn't lost a game and had the best record. They did it in the final quarter of the game. I'm no fan of football - but that had even me on the edge of my seat, eyes glued to the screen. Jumping up and down like a loony when the Giants actually won. Oh, and the Olympics - the opening ceremonies- eery and beautiful, disturbing and inspiring at the same time. In case you didn't know it already, yes, China was a force to be reckoned with.

Online - there were quite a few posts that captivated me. I don't remember them all. Here are the four I do remember or stick out in my memory tonight as I write this.

* the_red_shoes post about the spontaneous dancing in the streets of Seattle, when it was announced that Barack Obama was elected President of the US. It was the first of many posts about the spontaneous dancing around the world. No matter what your politics, you couldn't help but be moved in some small way. Her posts, complete with video footage, captured that the best.

* scrollgirl's post in support of Gay Marriage from a Christian Perspective. An insightful post that managed to calmly explain why being Christian and supporting Gay Marriage were not contradictions in terms.

http://scrollgirl.livejournal.com/600507.html

* embers_log's videos of her handbuilt and handpainted raki vases, which blew me away with their creativity and innovation.

* fresne's post expressing poetically and rather calmly why Sarah Palin worried her.

While it is tempting to say good riddance to 2008, it was not a bad year - it was like most years, a mix. Both personally and globally, I think.

Five Positive Things That Happened in 2008:

1. Barack Obama became the first African-American elected President of the United States, and for one brief moment the world united and celebrated his election by literally dancing in the streets and setting off fireworks.

2. The Writer's Strike came to an end and the writer's got what they wanted most - a share of internet proceeds.

3. Michael Phelps Won a Record Number of Gold Medals in Swimming and used the proceeds to fund a foundation to aid children in learning how to swim.

4. A Woman came very close to becoming President or Vice President of the US for the first time in history.

5. On a purely personal note - I kept my job, got a great performance review, and a raise for the first time since 2005.

In some ways, for me at least, 2008 was a year in which I was able to heal old wounds, and remove old emotional scars. I asked a guy at work if he was going to bid good riddance to 2008, and he said, no, he was going to celebrate another year he lived. Each year he is alive, is, in his point of view, a good one.

While numerous bad things happened this year, quite a few good ones did too...I think sometimes we get so caught up focusing on the bad we forget the good.

So instead of bidding good riddance to 2008, I will just sigh in relief and gratitude for another year of mixed blessings. Here's to the year to come, while it may not be better or worse than the year that passed, it will definitely be different.

Back home in NYC. Enjoyed my holiday, am happy to be home.

Saw a couple of flicks over the holiday - we rented since the pickings were pretty slim at the theaters. Only movie out that I felt any interest in I'd already seen - Casino Royale. Almost went to see it a second time with Momster, because...Daniel Craig makes a yummy James Bond. His next flick is His Dark Materials: The Compass Rose due out sometime in 2007 or 2008 - he's playing the protagonist's father, while Nicole Kidman plays the mother. This series I'm looking forward to, preferred it to CS Lewis's Narnia Chronicles for its wit (Lewis tends to take himself a tad too seriously, although he did loosen up a bit later), its ambiguity, and its strong-willed female protagonist - plus the imaginative touches. Craig and Kidman are perfect casting for the anti-hero roles of the parents - who veer from heroic to villainous and back again. We avoided Charlotte's Web - honestly the 1973 cartoon was enough. This version I can't stand to watch the previews. Spider. Ack. Definitely not a movie for the arachnaphobe in your family. There's just something creepy about watching a brown recluse spider speaking in Julia Roberts voice - yep, they've managed to make the brown barn spider look like a brown recluse.

( movie reviews of Scoop, Cars, and The Proposition - vague spoilers )

Finished Christopher Moore's Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Jesus's Childhood Pal
which I highly recommend to anyone who likes dry wit and theological books. It's funny.
It's touching. It's historical. And there's a nifty five-six page bit at the back detailing the research the author conducted to write it and the points where the story merges with the real one and veers away from it. It sticks pretty closely to the actual one, more so than I'd thought. I also learned a few things I'd forgotten or didn't know - 1)Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute, no where in the bible is it listed that she was. Nor was she saved from stoning. What is stated is Jesus save her from evil spirits and she washed his feet while he was on the cross with ointment and wiped the ointment with her hair. 2)In biblical times women traveling alone away from their families, divorced, or without a husband - were often referred to as harlots. (Thank God I was born in the 1960s after Elisabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B Anthony, Queen Elizabeth I, and Betty Friedman amongst others.)3) Apparently no one mentions in detail Jesus' childhood, when Joseph died exactly, and what happened in the period between his birth and when he turned 30. 4)It was common for women and men to get married and have kids at the age of 13/14 in those days, since you were lucky to make it to 30 let alone 40. (So Jesus died old not young?) Anyhow, interesting. Also a fitting book to finish on Xmas Eve - which by the by is not really Jesus birthday - hence the reason the Gullah in South Carolina don't practice Christmas. His birth was actually in March/April - yep, Jesus was a Pices not a Capricorn. It was moved by the Northern Europeans to coincide with Yuletide - most of the Xmas practices are derived from ancient pagan rituals to celebrate the beginning of the Winter Solistice.

Just started a really good book - or at least I'm enjoying it. Swapped it from my folks. They got Lamb and I got it. Snowstorms in a Hot Climate by Sarah Dunant. Here's what the back cover says about it:

Marla's best friend, Elly, left England two years ago on a soul-searching trip through South America. Except for a few postcards, Marla has not heard from her since. Then Marla receives a strange letter from Elly begging her to fly to New York. [Marla lives in London, England - they are both English]. But the person Marla meets at the airport is a very different woman from the strong, carefree friend she remembers. Elly, now well-dressed and thin, has acquired a park-view apartment, a house in Westchester, and a charismatic, manipulative, cocaine-smuggling boyfriend named Lenny. As Marla tries to free her friend from the dual addictions of love and cocaine, she unravels a story of seduction and power in Columbia and of desire and betrayal in California. Caught in a web of deceptions, the threat of violence mounting around them, Marla decides to take on Lenny and his empire. But Lenny - like the drug he peddles - has no intention of letting Elly go.

Only 60 some pages in, but pretty certain will finish it quickly - it moves fast, is gripping, and speaks to me. First book I've read in months that fits that description.

The more I read about The Prestige - the more I want to see it. Am really hoping it pops up at my neighborhood cineplex, the one on Court - which currently appears to be showing every inane gross-out comedy and horror flick released. The only movie there that appeals on any level is The Departed which is also showing at the less comfortable and less optimal arthouse theater (yet, far cheaper). Besides movies being within walking distance and not requiring a trip by subway, these theaters have the added benefit of having $5-$6 afternoon showings. Evening showings range from 8-10 dollars. In Manhattan they are $10.50. Which is why I've become picky about movies lately.
( movies )

On the TV front:

According the rags entertainment mags - Heroes has been picked up for a full season.
As have The New Adventures of Old Christine and some other situation comedy I could care less about,so can't remember. Not that I care about New Adventures of Old Christine, I just can't forget the title. Wish it would go away, don't see it happening.
( ramble about tv shows )

You ever think that you think too much? Or over think things? Been wondering that lately. Turn off the mind.
Told a friend the other night that the only time I turn it off is when I'm focused on creating something artistic - whether it be a watercolor, a painting, a drawing, a bowl in pottery class, a story, what have you.
That's when the mind quiets. I sit at the wheel molding clay, feeling it slip and slide between my fingers. I press it into shape, my body curled over the wheel, elbows on knees, palms caressing the mud, fingers lightly pressing, capturing, molding, shaping. When I'm in the zone, I hear nothing, see nothing, but the clay, the shape, the slide of clay. Nothing exists outside of it, nothing but an aura of negative space. Than jarred, I snap out of the zone, hear the conversations buzzing, see the other wheels, the other potters and my piece looks odd to my eyes alien and I wonder vaguely where I've been and how did it turn out much better than expected. How did I do that??? Also whatever will I do with it. It's not the end product that exhilirates so much as the process of creating it. They say there are those who love the process and there are those who love the product. For years I thought, I was more interested in the product, recently I've realized I could care less about the end result - it's the creation or the journey involved that gives me the high - that puts my demons to rest.

Speaking of demons...

As you may have gathered by now, I'm hyper-critical of myself and highly analytical - hence the critical. This next bit will seem a tad jagged and disconnected. My thoughts are running on multiple tracks tonight, out of sequence, bumping into one another like drunken blind men.

Most of this week been a bit hyper-aware of biases, my own and others. Seeing all of them, no matter how benign or seemingly harmless. As if they are pimples and freckles and postules sticking out on people's noses. Aware that we all are, whether or not we admit it, members of "in-groups" and "out-groups" and often base our opinions on others on which group they appear to be a member of when we encounter them. In the class that I'm auditing this week, the professor stated that she did not believe there was such a thing as truth or rather that we could not find it, since we see everthing through a veil of our own biases, some so ingrained in our make-up that we are not conscious of them, cannot see them. Only catching them when they accidentally slip out in casual conversation, if then.

The film Crash while heavily flawed, is an excellent examination of bias, how everyone has them and how people reacte to one another - creating rather destructive situations - based on them - literally crashing into each other's assumptions. [I saw the film this week - which is a story about a bunch of seemingly unconnected people in LA after 9/11 who bump into each other and change one another's lives - emphasizing their racial prejudices and how those prejudices and assumptions affect their behavior in situations and how depending on the situation they can do horrible or wonderful things, partly due to those prejudices or in spite of them.)

You biasis on fan boards all the time. Fans are very biased, more so than a casual viewer actually. You can see it in how people's views of a tv show are so contradictory, you wonder if they are watching the same one. They are - it's just that each person is watching it through their own shield of prejudice, their own past hurts, their own up-bringing, things you can't dismiss or ignore or forget. I was reading some posts on Veronica Mars for instance that confused me because the episode people were reviewing - it wasn't this week's, I watch it on Sunday's so a week behind, was not what I saw on the screen. Reading the posts carefully - I saw the biases, the wants, the desires of the individual poster. It reminded me of what I saw on fan boards and fan fic during Buffy and Angel's run. And how important it was for everyone that they were right. And how defensive people got when someone said they weren't, myself included. If you made the mistake of pointing out that perhaps they were biased - they'd retort, so are you. I'm not sure you can see a story clearly when you are obsessed with it - because the thing about the story that obsesses you will overshadow everything else, also obsessions often are short lived, or momentary, so it is more than likely, years later you'll revisit it and wonder what the fuck? I know I did when I revisited a few obsessions from my youth - Kimba, Robin Hood (the animated Disney Version), Batman (the cheesy tv series), The Monkees, Battle of the Planets, BattleStar Galatica (original version), and Star Wars. What was it in each of these obsessions that gripped me? I think I know - it was a character - a vulnerability, a sense of adventure, maybe? Then again maybe I don't know. I look at the first three seasons of BTVS and wonder vaguely - why did I get so obsessed with Angel for a while? I did by the way, was watching it in S2 almost purely for Angel - was completely obsessed near the end of that season and started hunting spoilers online, visited websites at work, felt silly , taped the episodes, and did not tell anyone.
Closet obsession. Looking back? I think, what the fuck??? Course at the time was equally obsessed with the Jean Grey/Scott Summers romance in the Xmen. Another thing I've told no one until now. And had a weird yen for Vicky Bliss mysteries by Elizabeth Peters. Re-read one recently, and I get the Peters yen, don't get the other two at all.

Biases, obsessions...are they interelated? Hmm. I've learned the term "cognitive miser" recently. What it means is mental short-cut, or someone who thinks conservatively or relies on mental short-cuts or stereotypes, categories. An example - "Rosaria is tempermental and very confrontational.."
Response:" Isn't she Italian? Italians are tempermental and confrontational..." Or : "Alberto got a full scholarship to NYU." "Alberto is Spainish and an Immigrant and that's why he did, they always give those people scholarships because of Affirmative Action." Or..."People who want control...Men are like that.." or "I get Anti-Semitism now, it's the tall poppy syndrom, whenever someone says I'm chosen or better, others want to kick them." Or "Harry Potter is exactly like Star Wars, has the same story framework, that's why people like it..." (actually all stories are based on four or five basic tropes, what makes them interesting is the characters, universe and things people add to them, the basic plot is not the creative part - that's why a basic, sketch of a plot can't be copyrighted. Example - "the heroes journey" - see Buffy. Or the tragic hero? See Angel. Man vs. Organization - Firefly, X-files...so on and so forth. We tell the same stories over and over and over again.)We do it all the time. Every day. Every hour. In every single conversation. Every post. Make judgements based on our bias, based on the short-cut. It's how people think. And it's not necessarily predictable or consistent because biases can change as can prejudices, they aren't constant. Someone said in class that one of the best tv shows that depicted the inherent biases in people was "All in The Family", would agree.

Almost picked up a book today entitled The Race Myth - it's about how race or the color of someone's skin, the width of their nose, their hair color, their weight has absolutely nothing to do with personality or intellect or behavior. But we believe it does. And why we do and why our thinking is completely unfounded on science or anything remotely rationale. But this thinking is ingrained. In class the teacher spoke of internalized homophobia - the person who is homosexual but hates themselves - an issue hit briefly on in one of the episodes of Season 2 The L Word and one I experienced personally with a friend of mine in college - who hated herself because she was gay. I've known people who felt shame and frustration because of their race, felt that if it weren't for that one little thing they would be a member of the "group".

Mentioned in class this week the quote by the Secretary of Education about how the crime rate would be reduced if we aborted black babies and how morally reprehenisible that is and we'd never do it, but it still would reduce the crime rate. People in class asked the same questions that people online and my friend Wales did - at the time the quote happened. First they were shocked that someone in government, with an education would think such a thing, then they tried to rationalize how that biasis came about. What caused that thinking. And other examples started to get thrown about - such as the distinguished Harvard Professor of Mathmatics view that women were not as good at math as men, that genetically they just weren't designed for it in the same way, the brain was different. Yet there are women who succeeded in mathematics that disprove this, how can he believe it? Well, according to Eliot Aronson - what people do is "subtype" - they convince themselves that while this is probably true is a rare exception to the stereotype. Or they respond to the counterstereotyping by mentally creating a new category to place the person or persons in. Lableing the exception as the "exception that proves the rule." Oh and he goes on to define "stereotype" which is to assign identical characteristics to any person in a group, regardless of the actual variation among members of that group. And we learn how to assign identical characteristics at very young ages - ie. "who is popular, who is atheletic, who is smart, etc..." Stereotyping by itself isn't an intentional act of abuse - according to Aronson and I'd agree, rather it is the we have of simplifying our view of the world and making decisions. We all do it. Read the reviews of A History of Violence and see how people stereotype Americans and the American sensibility. Or how about what is happening in France right now? Or how about the reaction people had when they discovered Tim Minear, a favorite writer was a Republican. No, wait, I'm confusing definitions here - that's not just stereotyping, stereotyping is not all that different than categorizing in of itself, no when an negative reaction is assigned - that becomes "prejudice" and when we act on our prejudices, that becomes discrimination.

"prejudice" is defined a hostile or negative attitude toward a distinguishable group based on generalizations derived from faulty or incomplete information. Based on that definition, I can safely say that everyone I've ever met is prejudiced. And believes they are justified in that prejudice to some extent. (ex. Wales recently told me she was prejudiced against fundamentalist Christians.)

There was a study done a while back on sports uniforms. They discovered that teams with "black" uniforms recieved more fouls and were reprimanded more by referres than teams with light colored or white uniforms. The referees did two things here - they stereotyped, subconsiciously the uniforms, then discriminated based on their prejudice regarding the stereotype.

Tonight while watching The L Word I noticed a few interesting things - how women deal with men. How we assume as women that men do not know what it is like to be intruded upon or violated or fucked with. That they have it easier. They don't by the way. Just different. One of the perks of having a younger brother who is just three years younger - is you do get to see the other side of the equation. Women aren't the only ones who go through hell. But we think we do, because hey, we aren't men. We can't imagine what it is like to be a man and the men are in control - they have the physical and monetary power in our society. They are "in-group" and we are the "out-group" and the out-group always gets defensive about the in-group or the group in power. And the in-group always feels threatened by the out-group taking that power away from them. Was discussing power with a friend last night, and realized all relationships are about power. Heck posting on lj is about jockeying for power - how many friends do I have, how many people read me, am I more interesting or less interesting? We engage or disengage - and each choice we make has a weight behind it. Who makes the biggest compromise? Just going out to a restaurant or picking a movie - can be a power-play between two people. Or a conversation.

That said, one character's comment got me thinking - she said: " Every woman has been at some point intruded upon or violated by a man no matter how benign it might seem." I started thinking back and realized yep.
That was true. And yep, power games. It's about power. In school, I was taller than the boys and ruthlessly teased by them. I think one of the reasons I despise skirts and find them uncomfortable is at an early age I learned I could not play in them without risking some boy pulling it up or looking beneath and teasing/embarrassing me. Can almost hear the reader's response - boys will be boys or everyone does that, people get past that. But do they? And having a younger brother - I know he was teased in other ways, got in fights here and there, etc. We both left high school with huge chips on our shoulders. We both felt at times violated and intruded upon by the opposite sex. And by our own. Women can be as nasty as men. Just different.

I think what it comes down to is who has the power in any given situation. Or rather the most power and it's not always the person you think. In the L Word one of the most powerful characters appears to be the weakest: Tina and Jenny. Why? They make the choices that affect other characters. Shane and Bette who appear to have power, actually have none. They are weak, they've given it away. Same with BTVS. Spike and Angel are actually powerless when it comes to Buffy, Buffy has the power in her relationships - which is why Spike attempted to rape her as a soulless vampire and Angelus tried to rape/kill/maim/destroy her world and friends. Why? Buffy had the power and they had none. They were at her whim. Or rather felt that way. Power...ugh. I hate it sometimes.

Damn 1 am. And got up at 7am. Tired. Must sleep.

End of brain download. Make of it what you will...

Netflix has a fun little mechanism where you can rate the movies you've seen - basically state you loved, really liked, liked, didn't like or hated. My ratings are based on whether I'd want to see the movie again and again (loved), wouldn't mind seeing again (really liked), enjoyed it, but once is enough (liked), did not enjoy but watchable (didn't like), barely made it through it or found unwatchable (hated) - with fluctuations based on mood. Not that you care or anything.

At any rate as I was doing it, I realized something, some movies I found myself rating higher not because I liked them but because I felt an odd societal pressure to like them. Personally if I were completely honest with myself, I found the movie dull and uninvolving. While I could appreciate the cinematic tricks and lighting that made it brilliant in someone else's eyes, it did not resonate for me. Same thing is true about books or even tv shows - this sense of societal pressure. Also discovering it in day to day actions, decisions, foods, clothing, everything in ordinary life. To the extent that there are times like today for instance in which I desperately want to turn off the opinions of society, like turning off the TV set. Feeling much like a child starring up at my parents stating, damn it, I don't care if peas are good for me, they are gross or I don't care if all the other kids adore french fries, I can't abide them. (Interesting tid-bit, Kidbro and I hated french fries when we were little, it became an acquired taste for both of us - ie, we learned to like them as adults, but as kids we didn't. I can't help but wonder if that acquired taste was somehow influenced by the people around us? Maybe not, I still despise ketchup on most things. Only thing I'll put it on is hamburgers and hotdogs. Prefer mustard.
As an aside, I miss hamburgers and hotdogs on buns...going gluten-free is not as easy as it looks, you do miss things. And restaurants are killer - went to a mexican one the other day with Wales, we ordered nachos with quacamola. Should be safe, right? Corn chips, right? Even asked the bloody waitress. But guess what, they've made a lighter low-fat chip with wheat flour, it's fluffier. Hard to find by looking. Wales figured it out eating one, so I spent about fifteen minutes sorting through the chips hunting for the heavier ones which must be corn and disregarding the fluffy ones. Annoying to say the least.)


At any rate, societal pressure...( Read more... )

A poem:

i thank you God for this most amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a true blue dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings, and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

e. e. cummings

On september 11, 2005 that's how I feel. A beautiful two days. One spent on the grass in the park with Wales chatting. One spent lounging in my apartment today. Reading, writing, watching, listening to kids playing outside and seeing the broad expanse of blue in the sky. September 11 weather Wales called it yesterday, for it is the same weather we had on that day, weather we felt mocked us. I have more in some ways than I did then.
And less in others. Since the thing about life is you gain and lose a bit with every passing day, the trick I think is knowing what is gained and lost and taking some role and/or responsibility in the choosing.